My DH acts like the Devil when it comes to his kids from a previous relationship
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Anonymous
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For example,
His youngest son, who is 10, is coming to visit for March Break. I simply asked how long he is staying because I have to do overnights next weekend and I usually send my LO's to their nana's (I'm pregnant and the random overnights are killing me. I literally sleep from the time I get back home until near the start of my next shift). Anyways, I asked nicely...I didn't ask with attitude, I just simply wanted to know. He suddenly says loudly, I haven't seen him in a long time, (his own fault) I'm not rushing him out of here. How would that sound, he has to leave on Friday because you work and have to sleep. Everytime my kids come down it's a problem (he seems to make it that way). He's defensive about them for no apparent reason. I've never been notjing but nice to them. I watched them everyday, every Summer for 3 years and he talks to me like my opinion doesn't matter. Plus, he asked me to buy them WWE tickets with my card. Even though he didnt invite me or our children...I did. I told him they came to $115. He turns around and tells me to take the money out of our Hydro bill savings. So, now he made me pay for their tickets. No thank you.... Am I the wrong one here? |
Anonymous
| There is way too much here. Therapy might be a good idea. Please stop having children until you two have worked out some basic respectful communication. |
Anonymous
| I'm sure you've unknowingly contributed to his defensiveness. |
Anonymous
| I don't even know what's going on. Overnights? Hydro bill? What? |
Anonymous
Haha, I am beyond confused too |
Anonymous
| Some marriage counseling to work out your issues. Your financial dealings don't sound healthy. And I assume your dh would be caring for your stepson on the weekend even if you're working - I'm not sure why the bit about overnights is relevant. But yea, this doesn't sound great, on either side. |
Anonymous
He sounds like a jerk. Sorry to say I predict that one day your children will also be from his "previous relationship" 
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Anonymous
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I am trying to make sense of this here:
1) DH has kids from a previous relationship , the youngest of whom is 10 and coming for March break 2) OP *also* has kids ("LOs") from a previous marriage or relationship, who live with them (maybe?) 3) OP works shiftwork like nursing or something else that occasionally requires her to work overnight? 4) When this happens, she sends her kids to her mother's? 5) OP is mad that DH snapped at her when she asked how long his son would be there for. She doesn't understand why b/c she thinks it was a simple question. But clearly there is history here. 6) OP is also put out b/c she bought tix for WWE (which, I had to look up, is World Wrestling Entertainment) for DH and the son, which came to $115. (Clearly OP and her DH keep their money separate.) 7) DH won't pay her back but told her to take it out of the savings they have for. . .hydro? (is this the water bill?) (?) (something else?) (OP, do you live in Toronto b/c I just googled "hydro bill" and it seems the electric company there is called Hydro. . .lol. . .that's the best I got. . .) |
Anonymous
| And you wonder why second marriages never work. |
Anonymous
| Well I think it's a good sign he is extremely sensitive about his prior children's feelings, this speaks highly of him. And it's concerning that you would object to him spending money on them, this suggests that he has good reason to suspect you treat them poorly. Your use of 'my children' vs 'his children' is also indicative of your feelings. When you married this guy you chose to become a stepmother, you are failing at that important job. |
Anonymous
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TBH, you sound like the devil, OP, not your husband. His interpretation of the situation seems right based on how you've worded your original post. You're trying to use your overnight work as an excuse to cut down the time your DH and his kid spend together. I can only imagine what else you've said to your DH and how you've said it.
I won't even touch on the money mess, because that's exactly what it is—a total mess. You need to check your attitude and tone, though, because you sound like one of "those" step-moms. |
Anonymous
| There is as lot more to the story. |
Anonymous
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You have to sit him down when he's calm, pick a couple of recent examples, point out to him that his responses are hurtful, ask whether he realizes that, and then ask him how he change that in the future. |
Anonymous
| Why would he not be looking after the kids - his, yours, etc - when you're working overnights? |
Anonymous
The fact that you had to clarify that you didn't ask with attitude, suggests that you probably did - or that there is a history of you having an attitude towards your DH children's visits. It may be subconscious - but he has certainly picked up on something - and you need to be honest with yourself and figure out what that is.' If you can honestly, realistically, and objectively determine that this is all in your husband's head - then you need to have a talk with him and figure out why he thinks this way. As for all the other issues - money and what not... you all are a married couple. A singular UNIT - and you're acting as if you are two separate entities... You need to figure out that dynamic. |