What amount of "not listening" is normal for a 6yo?
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Anonymous
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We've had a terrible time with this past report card and everyday is a challenge. Put this in your backpack,it gets left on the table -- don't get up until you are finished eating and we wander off-- don't use that eraser and it's used ten times.
What is normal and what is out of the ordinary? Her Doctor says kids grow out of it but I'm at my wits end. It feels like every single thing I tell DD is ignored/forgotten . |
Anonymous
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I'm not sure if it is the unusual weather or what, but my kids are acting up way more than usual lately. Everything seems to be a challenge.
That said, I'm not sure what you are referring to with a report card for a 6 year old. If you review the work that comes homes and check in with the teacher periodically there should be no surprises. If your DC is having an issue you should work with him throughout the quarter. |
Anonymous
| I've been wondering the same thing. 6 year old boy. He is wonderful one on one when getting loads of attention. When having to share attention at school or at home he loses self control. When in a less structured environment, lacks self control. Academically his report card was great, but anything involving listening was lacking. |
Anonymous
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Yes, it gets better. And there are some easy things you could try:
--State commands in the positive. Your post has several "don'ts". Instead it of "Don't get up until you're finished," say "Show me a clean plate first and then you can get up from the table." --If she does wander away from the table, call her to come near you and calmly say "Remind me what the direction was." "Sit down and follow it." --Set her up for success. If you don't want her using that eraser, simply move it somewhere out of her reach. If you want the paper in the backpack, first say, "Larla, bring you backpack to the table." THen direct her to put the paper in the backpack. --Ask her to repeat directions back. |
Anonymous
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From your examples, I wouldn't characterize it as not listening so much as absent mindedness and poor impulse control. Both can still be developmentally appropriate at 6yo. If you really are at your wits end, talk to her ped. If s/he blows you off, find another one or see a developmental pediatrician. These can be signs of Inattentive ADHD. ADHD tends to be underdiagnosed in girls since they generally lack the hyperactivity component. Even if it's something that she grows out of, there is no downside to asking for help.
Speaking as a parent of boys with ADHD, there are some tricks that can help. When you need to tell her something or give her direction, get close to her. Put your hand on her shoulder if she's distracted. Tell her what you need to say (in a calm, quiet voice). Have her repeat it back to you. "Larla, you have 30 minutes on your tablet and then it needs to be off for dinner time. How many minutes do you have? And then what do you need to do?" If she's forgetting things that she knows better about, give a short, non-judgemental reminder. "Larla, your jacket is on the floor. Please hang it on the hook now." There's a huge temptation to lecture, but it's pretty much always counterproductive. If she's distracted, use the trick of touching her shoulder, quiet short directive, repeat it back. Most of the time, the best solution for habitual forgetfulness is to create a better organizational system and routine. If the routine is to go through her school folder and review homework assignments and due dates every evening when she gets home, it's harder to forget to do that. Things like putting the folder back into her backpack should be done as soon as the work is completed, not "later", because she won't remember to do it later. Even at 6, it's not too early to start keeping a calendar with her and it will build valuable organizational skills for when things get more complex later. I'm not sure what the deal is with the eraser, but in general I remove items from easy access if I don't want the kids messing with them. Diversion also works pretty well even for 6yos ... give her something else that will fill the function she's looking for ... fidget toy maybe? |
Anonymous
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I used to teach 7th and 8th graders. Even at that age, I found I couldn't give 2-step directions. I couldn't say "take out a peice of paper and a pencil". I had to first say "take out paper" wait for everyone to do that. Then say "take out something to write with ".
Make sure you aren't overloading her with a string of directions |
Anonymous
| My child sounds like ops. Same age. Same issues. Just wanted to say that there are some great suggestions here!!! This is why I can't quit this website. Thank you! |
Anonymous
Wait, not 7 and 8 year olds? My dd's pk3 teachers were constantly telling me my dd had trouble with this and begging me to work more with her on it at home. It was their first year teaching, though. Wonder if they'd say that again for a the year old after more experience in the classroom. |
Anonymous
| I would expect boys to not listen much, but girls? |
Anonymous
| I just started reading Parenting with Love and Logic, as I think I read as a suggestion here, and the might help. It has some religious tones to it, which are easily ignored unless you're truly atheist or something. 100 pages or so into it and I'm learning a lot about what I'm doing right and how I can tweak some things. |
Anonymous
| Do you outgrow absentmindedness? |
Anonymous
Lots of these things are age appropriate. Put visual schedules up for routines. Practice the same routines--like packing up the backpack around the same time everyday. For some kids these skills come naturally for others they need prompts and help, and for others they need prompts, help, and medication. Right now you're very much in the help phase and helping your kid to learn the routines. Also, giving a command in the negative, like your eraser example is really difficult for most adults to follow. Why wouldn't you just get the kid a different eraser that she can use comes first to my mind. |
Anonymous
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Less talking, less demanding, more listening. Ask her what she wants to do with things, knowing it is annoying the heck out of you. The longer the sentences and repetition, the more they tune you out.
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Anonymous
| Thanks everyone. A better example would be that we've been living in this house since August and I'll say turn on the light so that you can start your homework and she'll walk past the light switch. This is on a daily basis. Am I just impatient? |
Anonymous
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Honestly, it sounds like my child with ADHD/very high-functioning ASD.
Read up on these diagnoses and see if any other symptoms sound like your child. But I'm guessing there's some kind of executive function issue. |