We suspect inattentive ADHD - 13 DS

[Anonymous]

We have long known our 13 year old son has struggled with so many parts of his life (organization, self care, memory, focus, blaming others, no close friends, no strong interests, etc) but have supported him for who he is. But we have gotten to a point where now that he's a teenager we have THAT combined with his general feelings of wanting more control over his life and at the same time wanting to be left alone. Problem is that when we give him that independence that he begs for he doesn't pull himself up. Example this morning he didn't brush his teeth, eat breakfast, or pack his lunch last night - all things he would have done if I reminded him and all things we require of his younger siblings. AND all things he said he'd do if we'd just 'lay off'. Although his grades are good he doesn't have a clue how to really study and basically gets by on his kind nature towards teachers and students and if he doesn't do well on a test he's able to retake it. But HS won't be so forgiving, and we want him to be successful in life too! Hold down a job, heck just be able to manage college! His father and I think it's time to get him evaluated. Where do we start? Do I call my insurance to find out if evaluations are covered? Is there a go-to place people go? Again, the school is not involved as of now. Thank you for any guidance. I've been reading this forum all weekend and you all are very supportive of us strangers on the other end..

[Anonymous]

I would start with your pediatrician. They can give you forms for your teachers and make a referral to a specialist.

[Anonymous]

I highly recommend Stixrud Group in Silver Spring. I'm sure there are other great groups in the area as well. My DS was diagnosed with ADHD, inattentive type in 2nd or 3rd grade. We used Dr. Wasserman and she was amazing. The report (a full neuropsych evaluation) was very thorough. Unfortunately, my son was so off the charts inattentive, that it was not able to be managed without medication. There are a few books she recommended which are great: "Late, Lost, and Unprepared" and "Smart but Scattered". Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I highly recommend Stixrud Group in Silver Spring. I'm sure there are other great groups in the area as well. My DS was diagnosed with ADHD, inattentive type in 2nd or 3rd grade. We used Dr. Wasserman and she was amazing. The report (a full neuropsych evaluation) was very thorough. Unfortunately, my son was so off the charts inattentive, that it was not able to be managed without medication. There are a few books she recommended which are great: "Late, Lost, and Unprepared" and "Smart but Scattered". Good luck!

Thank you. Should use we just make an appointment outright? He doesn't have a particular pediatrician since we just joined a family practice and tend to see anyone who is available (their doing, not ours). Any chance they take insurance?

[Anonymous]

First, take a deep breath... it's going to be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I highly recommend Stixrud Group in Silver Spring. I'm sure there are other great groups in the area as well. My DS was diagnosed with ADHD, inattentive type in 2nd or 3rd grade. We used Dr. Wasserman and she was amazing. The report (a full neuropsych evaluation) was very thorough. Unfortunately, my son was so off the charts inattentive, that it was not able to be managed without medication. There are a few books she recommended which are great: "Late, Lost, and Unprepared" and "Smart but Scattered". Good luck!

Thank you. Should use we just make an appointment outright? He doesn't have a particular pediatrician since we just joined a family practice and tend to see anyone who is available (their doing, not ours). Any chance they take insurance?

The only place that will do a neuropsychological exam and the insurance is KKI in Baltimore or Children's Hospital. They also have a long wait list but sometimes there are cancellations.

Stixrud will cost $2,500-4000 depending on how broad your concerns are and how extensive the testing is to get flesh out your concerns.

You may get some of this back from insurance (we got about $500 of $3000).

[Anonymous]

Make him a checklist for the morning and hang it on the mirror.

See the pedicatrician and get a referral.

[Anonymous]

All incredibly helpful advice - thank you!

[Anonymous]

That sounds like me now and I did fine in college (Duke) and career. Obvs I brush my teeth but give him a chance to care about the social consequences. Honestly it doesn't sound like you love him for who he is, it sounds like he's not living up to your expectations now, at 13 for christ's sake, and you are panicking already about future not living up to your expectations. Is there anything you like about your son? Maybe focus on that.

I grew up in the area and I can tell you with certainty that many "successful" teens end up the most fucked up in the head. To whatever extent you came for sincere anonymous advice and not just justification, consider that your approach may be as much of a threat to your son as his slackerdom.

[Anonymous]

TBH I was trying to impress the OP, so that she might take me seriously enough to consider a different point of view. But certainly unworthy of emulation is fair, in many ways.

All I'm saying is consider that it might be okay for your kid to struggle or fall short and that maybe you can be there for him without trying to fix the "problem." Sometimes it does more harm than good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:TBH I was trying to impress the OP, so that she might take me seriously enough to consider a different point of view. But certainly unworthy of emulation is fair, in many ways.

All I'm saying is consider that it might be okay for your kid to struggle or fall short and that maybe you can be there for him without trying to fix the "problem." Sometimes it does more harm than good.

In general, kids with untreated ADHD have much poorer outcomes educationally, professionally and emotionally than those who are treated with both medication (when indicated) and educational and behavioral supports. If you are the exception to that, you are truly fortunate. I'm not sure how old you are, but the kids with ADHD in my generation (including my siblings) did not have the advantage of awareness, diagnosis, medication, etc. and certainly suffered (and continue to suffer) the effects of it. Parents do the best they can to help their children have a level playing field and succeed to the best of their abilities. That IS showing love and support.

(Also, I second the recommendation for Stixrud.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TBH I was trying to impress the OP, so that she might take me seriously enough to consider a different point of view. But certainly unworthy of emulation is fair, in many ways.

All I'm saying is consider that it might be okay for your kid to struggle or fall short and that maybe you can be there for him without trying to fix the "problem." Sometimes it does more harm than good.

In general, kids with untreated ADHD have much poorer outcomes educationally, professionally and emotionally than those who are treated with both medication (when indicated) and educational and behavioral supports. If you are the exception to that, you are truly fortunate. I'm not sure how old you are, but the kids with ADHD in my generation (including my siblings) did not have the advantage of awareness, diagnosis, medication, etc. and certainly suffered (and continue to suffer) the effects of it. Parents do the best they can to help their children have a level playing field and succeed to the best of their abilities. That IS showing love and support.

(Also, I second the recommendation for Stixrud.)

Well sure, and obviously only a professional can appropriately diagnose the kid. But the OP mentioned that he gets good grade - her fears about his academic success are all projections - and I was struck by how harsh her reaction to his failure to eat breakfast and make lunch was. I'm not opposed to medication or helping kids at all, but I also feel for a 13 year old whose mother is already so disappointed by him and who is determined to fix him. Mom has lots of supporters, the kid sounds to me like he might just be a normal slovenly teen who deserves to be loved for
who he is. I hear echos of the issues with both meds and self worth that plague my peer group and think he deserves supporters too.

[Anonymous]

Showing your support for him by rudely insulting his mother is an odd, off-putting, and unsuccessful approach. And it confirms what I've heard about Dukies. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Recommend Mindwell Psychology in Virginia

[Anonymous]

funny, I wen to duke too. I have a similar son who I have always thought has inattentive Adhd but have never had him tested. I try to parent well and appreciate him for all of his eccentricities. we have some fights and flare ups but I want him to known he is ok how he is. not sure if this makes sense, but the older they are, the harder it is to take in for a diagnosis. especially if they have some anxiety, the child does not want to feel abnormal.