parents want my daughter to go to sleepaway camp; she's not ready or interested

[Anonymous]

My parents want me to send my daughter to sleepaway camp this summer. They feel very strongly that it would be good for her; she'd become more independent, mature, etc. My daughter, who occasionally goes to friends' houses for overnights, does NOT want to go to sleepaway camp and (I think) is not ready. Maybe next year (if my parents pay.) She's 11 years old.

I just had another argument with my parents about this. They are both Depression-era people who were able to go to 5 days of sleepaway camp thanks to the Fresh Air Fund and they both remember it as the best five days of their lives. How nice --for them.
We're looking at day camps with friends for my daughter. So much more affordable. The pickups and dropoffs can be problematic, and yes, I do sometimes ask my parents to help with that, but I sure won't this summer.

What is their problem? My daughter is just fine. None of her friends goes to sleepaway camp. I was miserable when I went to sleepaway camp--I was homesick and lonely and didn't like the dances with the boys' camp or the giggly boy talk in my bunk. I think my daughter is a bit like me that way.
There are people who never, ever go to sleepaway camp and are just fine.
I'm really annoyed at my folks in this and other areas. They have very strong opinions; they voice them often and forcefully, and it's a strain to be polite. How can I tell them the issue is DECIDED?? They are not the kind, open-minded people who raised me.

[Anonymous]

My parents are like this too...they get into a fantasy of what would be fun for my kids.

"This isn't Larla's year for Camp Tomahawk, mom and dad." Keep repeating that. Don't give particular reasons.

[Anonymous]

"This is a decision between Fred and me, and we've decided that Larla is not going to camp this year. I'm not discussing this anymore. How is Aunt Suzy? Did she enjoy her trip to Hawaii?"

If they try to bring it back to camp, say, "Mom, again, I said I was not discussing this anymore. It's time for us to end the conversation. Let's talk next week."

Rinse and repeat.

[Anonymous]

So shut it down. "There's nothing to discuss, mom. Could you pass the bread, please?"

[Anonymous]

Stop being annoyed at your parents and reliving your miserable days & nights at camp. You're creating all this internal drama.

"This is our decision. We're not discussing it anymore. Have you seen La La Land??

[Anonymous]

Tell them to back away. You are not seeking advice about any kind of camps but will be happy to share photos and memories with them, after the event. No discussion.

Your parents sound about as maddening as my own. And they are 3000 miles away. Doesn't stop them...

[Anonymous]

Honestly they can want that all they like but it's really up to you. Put your foot down and if she's not ready then just hold strong and firm. But I understand how frustrating it is. Is there a way to not even engage them in the conversation ? Or, just tell them it's decided that she is not going and thank you for the suggestion.

[Anonymous]

Your parents are right. She is starting to get too old for sleep away camp. Most don't go after age 14-15. The time is now.

[Anonymous]

"I understand you have fond memories of going to camp but let's not relive through Alice. She does not want to attend camp this year and I'm not going to force her. Maybe in the future but it's for her to decide. No more discussion"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your parents are right. She is starting to get too old for sleep away camp. Most don't go after age 14-15. The time is now.

No they're not. This isn't an issue of who is wrong or right. It's about OP raising her own kids in the way she wants. Her parents had their opportunity to raise her, and now she is raising her own child.

[Anonymous]

You'll have an easier time setting boundaries with your parents when you completely stop accepting money from them.

[Anonymous]

Why do your parents get a say?

Did they send YOU to sleepaway camp as a child? You reference their fond experience but no mention of your own.

[Anonymous]

You say: no, we're not sending her. It's not up for discussion. Pass the salt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your parents are right. She is starting to get too old for sleep away camp. Most don't go after age 14-15. The time is now.

My parents sent me to sleep away camp at 12 and 13. I hated it and was miserable. My mom had so many fond memories from her time at camp she didn't understand that I didn't want to go. OP's daughter doesn't want to go, her parents don't want her to go, why should they push something?

[Anonymous]

What's annoying is that you won't be able to ask them for help with pick-up this summer.

And to answer your bigger question as to why our parents harp on certain matters constantly, it's probably because their world is getting smaller and they have more time to obsess about things.

Such as... my son MUST learn to play the piano (even though we have no money for lessons and he has no time nor the inclination)! My daughter MUST get her hair cut short (she loves her long hair, and I love her long hair)!