Anonymous wrote:OP here. These responses have been very helpful, thank you!
1. In the past, I've enjoyed talking about everything and (almost) anything with my folks. We were able to disagree peacefully and move on, over career choices, fashion choices, real estate choices. And now--we can't. Politics is taboo; their world, as someone posted, has gotten smaller so they obsess over things that have long been decided ("If only you'd gone to that other college.") It's painful for me to watch and to be a part of! So the camp decision--which I'll make in a few weeks--is part of a larger, more painful dynamic of not being able to discuss decisions, whether big or small, with my folks.
2. They were both born in 1930. So they're not spring chickens. My siblings say, "Be grateful they're alive and relatively healthy," and that's a good perspective from them. Easier for them since they live thousands of miles away.
3. I don't take money or ask for it. But if they're going to insist on sleepaway camp, which is extremely expensive relative to our local options, then you bet I'll ask them to help foot the bill.
4. The "push" for a shy child: It's hard to know when to push. My daughter is not particularly athletic (neither was I), and I've pushed her to continue with soccer and to read the sports pages. My lack of participation in sports has hurt my career, I think. My parents, who are both athletic, didn't push me (and I was grateful, at the time). At every summer camp, I push her to invite someone home for a playdate after the first week.
5. Ageing parents (the subject of a different thread, of course): The challenges are almost as great as raising children! Sometimes it's as if the parents I knew have died, and been replaced with these people. That's a bit strong, but true in this case. I have to learn how to talk with them about things on which we disagree or we'll barely be able to discuss the weather!
I get this OP. I am dealing with similar dynamics. To some extent I find that the things that work w/ my preschoolers also work with my aging and increasingly infirm parents. Good boundaries, structure, limited choices and positive redirection are my go to's with my kids and they also work well with my parents. It's a very hard transition.
Good luck and hang in there!
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