Dating and common interests
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Anonymous
| How important is it to you that the person who you are dating shares common interests? My most recent ex had a lot in common, loved watching the same sports, went to the same church, love of travel, etc. Unfortunately he isn't ready to settle down so the relationship ended. I'm back in the dating game and a friend of mine mentioned that common interests aren't really that important. Her long-term boyfriend of 5 years doesn't have much in common with her, but they agree on the fact that they push each other outside of their comfort zone to try new things. I've found myself getting bored with a couple of guys that I've dated as they aren't sports lovers like myself. I really enjoy going to sports bars and games, but it has been proven difficult to find a guy that's intellectual and loves sports. |
Anonymous
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Common interests are important. Not in the first few years...but, when you have been married for a bit, and you want to watch the pre-playoff playoff game, but your wife wants to watch something else....anything else.
As the relationship matures, you spend more time together. It is good if you like the same things. (I can't stand the movies my wife likes, she can't stand what I like....) |
Anonymous
| I think it's great if the couple is opening to trying things and adventurous. I'm really into running and my fiancé is not. But when we started dating he wanted to come watch races and he entered a few that were shorter distance. I never pushed him to but he became interested because he wanted to do new things with me. It's not going to work if someone is, say, really into camping and hiking and one person can't stand bugs and sunlight and won't agree to leave their climate controlled home. |
Anonymous
| My DW and I had few common interests when we first got married though we had a lot in common (education, values, personalities) which is what attracted us to each other. After many years of marriage we still don't have common interests though she has taken up golf and we love playing together.....once a week. She has her interests and I have mine and we are very comfortable with that. We do enjoy travel, being with our family and friends but we don't have this need to do everything together. She likes to make jewelry, I like to read. She likes to bargain shop, I like sports. We each do our own thing but love being together. Fortunately, we both enjoy sex. Do I wish she was more interested in sports and going to events? Yes, but it's simply not her and I know she's happy doing her thing. Every couple of years she jokingly asks me "wouldn't have you been happier being married to that great golfer you use to date?" and I say "No, she wasn't nearly as good in bed as you are." That usually ends in us pursuing a common interest. |
Anonymous
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My parents have been married 55 years. They are fabulous together.
They aren't the types to hand out advice, but they advised us when we were young adults to marry people with whom we have ALOT in common. Their experience of observing their friends' marriages and divorces showed them that, while opposites attract, they often don't stay together. They also said to observe the spouse's family before marrying. And to marry someone with whom you have physical attraction/chemistry. That was their advice in a nutshell. |
Anonymous
I think that counts as a common interest -- they are both interested in constantly trying new things. So while they may have different hobbies, they both have a similar personality type. A lot depends on your personality type and the kind of long-term relationship that works for you. Some people need a lot of alone time. For those people, it actually helps if each person in the relationship has some personal interests/hobbies they can do apart. But you still have to have at least something that you enjoy doing together -- even if it is just a common love of a traditional dinner at 5pm every night. Most things I've read (and personal experience as well) suggest that healthy, long-term relationships are those that have a nice balance of enjoyed shared experiences as well as personal, separate interests/hobbies. If you do *everything* with your spouse, eventually that can become mundane and lose the spark. It works in the beginning because you are still new to each other. Did your boyfriend give you a reason for not wanting to "settle"? It's strange to decided after 5 years that you don't want to settle. Perhaps he felt like the relationship got stale and it felt like you were too familiar because you did everything together. Saying he isn't ready to "settle" is a nice way of saying that he doesn't want to accept the rest of his life will be exactly the same as the last 5 years. When you are with someone who has some different interests and both of you are constantly growing and expanding, the relationship doesn't feel like settling. It doesn't feel like a dead end. Rather, it feels like an open road. But to take that analogy further, you have to want to take that open road together, so there has to be some measure of compatibility, of personalities working well together, of some shared time together. |
Anonymous
| Np, OP says that her friend is in the LTR. How long were you and your most recent boyfriend together, OP? |
Anonymous
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I think it's helpful to have some common interests. You don't have to share all of them. But most of the good couples I know have things they like to do together and things they do apart or with friends.
It's not hard to find a guy who likes sports. It is harder to find a guy who is smart, and harder still to find a guy who would describe himself as intellectual. (and who actually is, and isn't a douche.) I do know plenty of smart guys who like sports, though. How do you currently meet the men you date - online? |
Anonymous
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I think there needs to be some overlap. Not all, but some. DH and I both like a very clean and orderly house. We're both right at the separating line of introvert/extrovert. We both love dogs, movies, plays, concerts, traveling and good food. We both like a mixture of exploring and relaxing on vacations. He likes to cook and play piano. I can't do either. I like yoga and dance. He's gone to one yoga class with me.
Our Venn diagram has almost exactly a 50% overlap. |
Anonymous
Yes, I'd say I meet 90% of the men I date via OLD. The rest when I'm out and about. |