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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How important is it to you that the person who you are dating shares common interests? My most recent ex had a lot in common, loved watching the same sports, went to the same church, love of travel, etc. Unfortunately he isn't ready to settle down so the relationship ended. I'm back in the dating game and a friend of mine mentioned that common interests aren't really that important. Her long-term boyfriend of 5 years doesn't have much in common with her, [b]but they agree on the fact that they push each other outside of their comfort zone to try new things.[/b] I've found myself getting bored with a couple of guys that I've dated as they aren't sports lovers like myself. I really enjoy going to sports bars and games, but it has been proven difficult to find a guy that's intellectual and loves sports.[/quote]

I think that counts as a common interest -- they are both interested in constantly trying new things.  So while they may have different hobbies, they both have a similar personality type.

A lot depends on your personality type and the kind of long-term relationship that works for you.  Some people need a lot of alone time.  For those people, it actually helps if each person in the relationship has some personal interests/hobbies they can do apart.  But you still have to have at least something that you enjoy doing together -- even if it is just a common love of a traditional dinner at 5pm every night.

Most things I've read (and personal experience as well) suggest that healthy, long-term relationships are those that have a nice balance of enjoyed shared experiences as well as personal, separate interests/hobbies.  If you do *everything* with your spouse, eventually that can become mundane and lose the spark.  It works in the beginning because you are still new to each other.

Did your boyfriend give you a reason for not wanting to "settle"?  It's strange to decided after 5 years that you don't want to settle.  Perhaps he felt like the relationship got stale and it felt like you were too familiar because you did everything together.  Saying he isn't ready to "settle" is a nice way of saying that he doesn't want to accept the rest of his life will be exactly the same as the last 5 years.

When you are with someone who has some different interests and both of you are constantly growing and expanding, the relationship doesn't feel like settling.  It doesn't feel like a dead end.  Rather, it feels like an open road.

But to take that analogy further, you have to want to take that open road together, so there has to be some measure of compatibility, of personalities working well together, of some shared time together.[/quote]

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