Is it selfish to tell dw about an affair?

[Anonymous]

I had an affair. It was a mistake. I was weak and acted selfishly. It is over and I want to devote all of my energy to my marriage. Should I come clean to her or should I bury that secret?

[Anonymous]

Take it your grave. That's your cross to bear. You don't get to absolve your guilt by telling her.

[Anonymous]

I would not want to know

[Anonymous]

I would not want to know. I would forever look at you differently

[Anonymous]

That's what I'm talking about. It's my burden. I don't want to give it to her. But I also don't know if it's right to tell her. Do I owe her that?

[Anonymous]

Tell her. You'll go nuts if you don't.

[Anonymous]

It's selfish to tell her. Especially if you can be faithful from now on. The only reason I'd tell is if there is a risk that you've transmitted an STD to her. You should go get fully checked out.

Otherwise, the guilt is your punishment. Work on being a better husband and reflect on your ethics and your strength to do the right thing. It's a chance for you to make yourself a stronger person. And that's a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's what I'm talking about. It's my burden. I don't want to give it to her. But I also don't know if it's right to tell her. Do I owe her that?

You owed her your fidelity. But that ship has sailed. What good do you see coming out of telling her? Is this worth losing your marriage over?

[Anonymous]

I thought wives of dcum are okay with a cheating husband as long as they never discover it, especially if DW is a sahm that's how it goes right ? Honesty is not really expected in the marriage right? If they are kids involved DW is no going to leave because of an affair or multiple affairs anyway right? If your wife follows the dcum wives marriage philosophy then you have nothing to worry about as long as s you say nothing.

[Anonymous]

... you just continue your selfishness by telling her - because YOU feel bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought wives of dcum are okay with a cheating husband as long as they never discover it, especially if DW is a sahm that's how it goes right ? Honesty is not really expected in the marriage right? If they are kids involved DW is no going to leave because of an affair or multiple affairs anyway right? If your wife follows the dcum wives marriage philosophy then you have nothing to worry about as long as s you say nothing.

No, that's not why he should keep it to himself. If he truly can remain faithful from now on, he'd only be victimizing his wife by telling her.

[Anonymous]

This is my question. I see why I should tell and why I shouldn't. You're all right. I was selfish and I don't want to continue to act selfishly by telling her. But I wanted to know if it was the right thing to do to fess up. Yes it will drive me crazy to have this secret for the rest of my life. But that's MY problem that I created for myself.

[Anonymous]

Go tell your therapist. Therapists are paid to listen to your problems. And work with the therapist on the reasons why you did it, and to eliminate your personal weakness.

[Anonymous]

You know your wife- if she the type who would rather know everything even if it hurts? Or would she rather you keep it to yourself? If she'd rather know and you choose not to tell her, then you are being selfish and betraying her further. If you know she would rather not hear about some one time indiscretion, then respect that and don't tell her.

[Anonymous]

She will never truly forgive you, trust you, or love you if you tell her.