Friends never offer to do anything for my birthday when I travel and make theirs yearly

[Anonymous]

They plan outings for each other for each for their birthdays and send me the invitations ( example: trip to NYC last year for one and trip to a winery for the other) but never plan anything or ask me about my planning one for me. We've been friends for decades who fell out of touch and then back into touch in the last seven years.

How do I even bring this up without sounding crazy? Am I being too sensitive?

[Anonymous]

Is your birthday a tough time of year? ?

[Anonymous]

Mine is late January. One is June the other is November. Is it ok to suggest a lunch of brunch by saying "Hi ladies, would you like to join me for brunch to celebrate my birthday?" Would that lessen any burden? If they didn't have to pay for me?

[Anonymous]

Are they local? Or are they all in some other location and you have to travel to get to them? Maybe they can't or don't want to travel here.

[Anonymous]

All local within 15- 45 minutes of each other

[Anonymous]

Do you intiate? "I'd like to go skiing for my birthday. I found a cabin for the weekend of Jan 21. Should I book it for the three of us?"

[Anonymous]

Then I'd have to say that unfortunately you are not as high up on their friend list as they are on yours. I have friends like this. We love their company but they are social butterflies and we have accepted that we are on their "B" list. They enjoy seeing us but presumably not as much as we enjoy seeing them, since the lack of frequency is not on our part. We like them enough to be okay with this and accept that we will only see them a few times a year (they live within a mile of us) because they just have too much else going on and other people they want to make a priority. They are good friends regardless.

Only you know if you can be okay with this type of dynamic. Which could, as you suggest, including planning your own birthday shindig if you want to spend your birthday with these friends and no one offers. If you plan it, most likely they will come. Just a question of whether you can enjoy the friendship on those terms. If you will always feel slighted (which is certainly understandable), then you might wish to pull back a bit and find other friends who will reciprocate more. (Easier said than done, I know.)

[Anonymous]

My DW and I have come to realize that folks we consider friends may not have us as high up on their list as we do on theirs. For the last 15 years, we've lived in 2 different resort towns and have hosted everyone who has wanted to come visit. We pick them up at the airport, put them up at our house, take time off work, etc. When we have to travel to their area, ... crickets.

So, we've decided that we're out of the hotel/resort business. "Oh, you're planning on coming to our area. that's nice, maybe we can see if we're free for dinner one night ..."

[Anonymous]

You're a grown adult. For most people, birthdays stop being a big deal somewhere around age 22.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you intiate? "I'd like to go skiing for my birthday. I found a cabin for the weekend of Jan 21. Should I book it for the three of us?"

I would try this. If it's a no-go, oh well.

[Anonymous]

Birthdays aren't very important to me, but my inconsiderate dumb friend has decided to make them a "thing," so now I have to do something for him every year. His birthday is before mine, and I dutifully performed my duty. A few months later he forgot mine, even though the birthday shit was entirely his idea anyway. I guess he's an ex-friend now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're a grown adult. For most people, birthdays stop being a big deal somewhere around age 22.

I agree with this. I find it super weird when adults make a big deal, or big plans for their birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're a grown adult. For most people, birthdays stop being a big deal somewhere around age 22.

Every friend group is different. My friends and I still celebrate our birthdays with some sort of dinner, party, event, or get-together and we are mid 30's to early 40's.

[Anonymous]

My guess is that they are closer to each other then they are to you

[Anonymous]

I'm in a situation like this. I'm reevaluating my friends, and I realized there are some girls that I've put on the back burner while I was chasing other friendships. A one-way friendship doesn't last. I don't want to find out too late, that I have no friends left.