Do I give him another chance?
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Anonymous
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Met a nice guy randomly in the neighborhood. We chatted, got along, ended up chatting further by text throughout week. He asked me out, we agreed to a date about 8 days in future. Two days before date he cancelled (reason: boss asked him to dinner). I'm a single mom so I cancelled my sitter. Was also frustrated; I have found online dating flakey as hell and as single parent who needs a sitter it's the pits.
Following night (night before scheduled date) he texted; says he connected with boss earlier and could I still meet up? I politely told him I cancelled my sitter. Can he make it up to me?, he asks. My reply: I appreciate that, but last minute cancellations are tough for me. I wish I has the freedom to be more spontaneous. I'll reach out if my schedule opens up. His reply: "To be fair, 48 hours in advance isn't exactly last minute". I just didn't even write back to that. Let this one go? He seemed nice but flakiness is kryptonite to me. |
Anonymous
| Ugh. Yes, let him go. |
Anonymous
| He's right. 48 hours (or the day before) isn't "last minute," but at this point it doesn't really matter. I would just move on. It sounds like you might not be ready for dating right now, anyway. |
Anonymous
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He was doing great there with the "Can I make it up to you?" And then it was crash and burn with the snotty "To be fair..."
Move on. The flakiness with the dinner boss is forgivable. It's that pissy response that is a red flag. |
Anonymous
| Whether it was technically last minute or not is not important. His last reply would rub me the wrong way too. |
Anonymous
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Until there are parameters established, 48 hours is hardly last minute. Flexibility is pretty key. If you see him again, be clear what you need there. And recognize as well that you have to bend too. It isn't all about accommodating the single parent.
School conference crops up because junior was a little hellion? I bet you would say that any notice is ok. As it is. |
Anonymous
| I think your response was pretty cold-"I'll reach out if my schedule opens up"? That's what he was responding to. I think this one is off the hook and you need to look somewhere else. |
Anonymous
| OP just curious how old are you and how long have you been dating? |
Anonymous
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I would also be turned off by his response but his reaction was to your awful response. "I'll reach out if my schedule opens up???"
Sorry, this one is on you. It sounds like he made a sincere effort to keep the date on track... |
Anonymous
Agree with this poster |
Anonymous
This is what rubbed me the wrong way about his response - he expected you to understand that he couldn't be available due to work and it sounds like you were understanding. But when you indicated that you couldn't be available due to family/life obligations he took it personally and spoke in a "I'm right/your wrong" way. At best you guys are a mis-match in terms of availability, at worst he's a little self-centered. Don't spen energy trying to fit square pegs into round holes. Both of you should move along and find better matches. And good for you for uour attitude that "flakiness is kryptonite"!!!!! We get what we accept in this life. |
Anonymous
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Thanks all. I appreciate this perspective. To answer a PP's question, I'm 41. Before I had kids, 48 hrs wasn't last minute to me either. It's different now, if for no other reason than I can't keep good sitters and cancel on them. I haven't dated much (my child is 4 so it isn't a top priority right now) but I've been blown away at guys being unable to follow through, and these are for first dates that are arranged, not second dates where there's maybe been a change of heart. My "I'll reach out if my schedule opens up" was sincere, I really can't see this as "awful". But yeah, flakiness (which I can't do) aside, the red flag for me was his last reply. A guy who gets defensive when we barely know each other (and he's the one who cancelled!) is probably not for me.
Thanks DCUM! |
Anonymous
+1. You made it sound like you were completely done with him. I understand your position here but you definitely could have been warmer with your response. I wouldn't worry about giving HIM another chance, I wouldn't want to give YOU another chance. You made it sound like it was entirely his fault and like he was a dick on purpose. |
Anonymous
| Sorry OP you sound like a pain. 48 hours isn't that bad and it isnt a pattern. I wouldn't even want to date someone with a kid so good luck when your kid getting sick is the reason you cancel last minute. |
Anonymous
| You are a single mom right? Thats right- |