DH said I take, take, take and never give anything to the marriage...
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Anonymous
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I pointed out that we have made a family with kids, a functioning household, two full time jobs, comfortable wealth...
He says those are things that I wanted and were done for myself, not for him. We have sex around twice a week, one of his complaints is that I never initiate, but I never refuse either. And I am not adventurous enough in bed and don't show physical affection and move him we when he hugs and don't spend quality time and so on... He has never communicated this clearly before, thinks it is too late to make changes and has given up on getting any physical affection from me. For example all the cuddling I initiate in bed is somehow not counted. And the way he phrased it (subject line) hurts a lot when I am dedicating my life to my family and I was so proud of the life we built together. I just want to leave this marriage, thoughts? |
Anonymous
What? According to DCUM, since you are a WOHM and a superwoman - your DH should not have any issues with you!
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Anonymous
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Can he be more specific about what it was he wanted or expected? I would have to say, without knowing much, if he is talking like this, he may be focusing on another woman at work or someone he met recently! I have found that when a man starts talking like this his mind is focused on someone else!
Let us know if you discover anything. |
Anonymous
| Classic FOBO |
Anonymous
| Better to be pissed off than pissed on. Don't fail to give it to him from your perspective, including why, for you, it is NOT over. |
Anonymous
Hmmmm...she said SHE wanted to leave, so why would she give him her perspective of it's NOT over? |
Anonymous
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My response would be: So who held a gun to your head and forced you to stay when all of this (kids, house, etc) was happening?
Do you have any responsibility to advocate for yourself and your needs? Please share when you did that? So what exactly do you want that you're not getting here? Then just sit and listen. Have some popcorn, like in the gif above. |
Anonymous
| Would it help to write out how it hurt you and the ways in which you think you are giving things to the marriage, the little day-to-day sacrifices you make that clearly aren't for you, your efforts to engage in physical affection, and your willingness to make changes to make sure his needs are met if they are clearly communicated? |
Anonymous
| Sorry, what is FOBO? thanks |
Anonymous
| Well I don't know you or your relationship but I can assure you there are many men out there who would not consider the home and family you built together to just be the thing the wife wanted. Also many men (mine) who are getting action less often but are somehow more content with things. His complaints are not necessarily warranted. He sounds childish the way you put it. |
Anonymous
Because she's hurt big time, not appreciated. She doesnt want to leave. She wants to not be criticized and, ever further, be appreciated. She needs a good rant, right in his face and under his nose. That might wake him up and show how selfish he's been. |
Anonymous
| Office affair. |
Anonymous
Definitely a possibility. My now-ex became like this while having an affair. |
Anonymous
| OP, you may have noticed that posters regularly recommend the book "the five love languages" by Gary Chapman. I picked up a copy last week to see what the big deal is about. Please read it. it was written for folks in your shoes |
Anonymous
| He's cheating. He's creating a narrative that he is justified in doing so. |