how did you know your coworker had a crush on you?

[Anonymous]

I'm a married woman (private person without tons of dating experience before getting married and no workplace romances). In 12 years at my current job I have never thought someone was flirting with me at work so I would like to get others' input. It would really affect how I treat this guy.

[Anonymous]

Maybe nobody is flirting with you.

I'm a happily married man and everybody at my work knows that. I assume that nobody is flirting with me because they know that. The alternative - that they are flirting with me and I am somehow missing it - seems absurd.

[Anonymous]

I feel like you would know, unless you are exceptionally oblivious.

[Anonymous]

There was a short period of time when we got together for lunch like lots of our colleagues, without a second thought, just enjoying each others' company, and then it dawned on us that we were attracted to each other.

[Anonymous]

I worked with a woman who was about the same age, 50+, and single. There was no doubt of her interest from early on. Nothing overt but little things that add up quickly. Would she have been open to an affair? I don't know nor did I want to. But if I would have been single...absolutely no doubt.

[Anonymous]

Why do you even want that kind of trouble? Rarely ends well. Everyone in the office finds out about it, everyone loses respect for both of you, you become the object of gossip, and there's an excellent chance both of you will lose your jobs and blow up your families.

[Anonymous]

Does he hang around you for flimsy or non-existent reasons? Does it seem like he is inventing reasons to talk to you? Does he come and talk about non-work related subjects? Is he trying to elicit details about your personal life? Does he ever talk about fun stuff he does outside work in an effort to show he is exciting?

[Anonymous]

I had a coworker problem for a few years and dated/slept with 5 people from my office. Luckily only 1 of them is still with the firm and it was a long time ago so it doesn't bother either of us. It was very obvious which ones were interested. Flirting, a lot of "stopping by" my office, going out to grab coffee invites, email chains that continued long after the original work related question/issue had been resolved, etc. I've been married for 7 years to a wonderful woman now and would never step out on my marriage so it's a non-issue now. I don't know if there is something about me being married in and of itself, not flirting at all myself or maybe I'm just not as attractive as I was in my 30s but it has definitely dropped off completely now. I will echo what the others said though and advise that it's a bad idea. It was a lot of sneaking around and a lot of pressure to be discreet that wasn't always shared by the person I was dating. Lesson learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a coworker problem for a few years and dated/slept with 5 people from my office. Luckily only 1 of them is still with the firm and it was a long time ago so it doesn't bother either of us. It was very obvious which ones were interested. Flirting, a lot of "stopping by" my office, going out to grab coffee invites, email chains that continued long after the original work related question/issue had been resolved, etc. I've been married for 7 years to a wonderful woman now and would never step out on my marriage so it's a non-issue now. I don't know if there is something about me being married in and of itself, not flirting at all myself or maybe I'm just not as attractive as I was in my 30s but it has definitely dropped off completely now. I will echo what the others said though and advise that it's a bad idea. It was a lot of sneaking around and a lot of pressure to be discreet that wasn't always shared by the person I was dating. Lesson learned.

I don't think you have a "coworker problem."

[Anonymous]

It depends on your workplace culture I think. And you just get a feeling. My office is really close-knit and we all hang out a lot, go to lunch in pairs sometimes, and text and email each other, even man-to-woman or vice versa. But you can just tell when something is crossing the line. If your office vibe is more buttoned up and typically standoffish, lunch with one other colleague might be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he hang around you for flimsy or non-existent reasons? Does it seem like he is inventing reasons to talk to you? Does he come and talk about non-work related subjects? Is he trying to elicit details about your personal life? Does he ever talk about fun stuff he does outside work in an effort to show he is exciting?

The reasons aren't flimsy but they don't always merit stopping by. Asking me about my personal life and talking about fun stuff, yes. I'd say this is just friendliness except it's tinged with nervousness. Apologies for things that don't require apologies. I'm not his boss or anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a coworker problem for a few years and dated/slept with 5 people from my office. Luckily only 1 of them is still with the firm and it was a long time ago so it doesn't bother either of us. It was very obvious which ones were interested. Flirting, a lot of "stopping by" my office, going out to grab coffee invites, email chains that continued long after the original work related question/issue had been resolved, etc. I've been married for 7 years to a wonderful woman now and would never step out on my marriage so it's a non-issue now. I don't know if there is something about me being married in and of itself, not flirting at all myself or maybe I'm just not as attractive as I was in my 30s but it has definitely dropped off completely now. I will echo what the others said though and advise that it's a bad idea. It was a lot of sneaking around and a lot of pressure to be discreet that wasn't always shared by the person I was dating. Lesson learned.

I don't think you have a "coworker problem."

Yeah he had an "I'm an unstoppably awesome sex machine" problem.

But a warning for the former sex machine: stay attractive to other women in order to remain attractive to your wife. If you are boring to other women you will be boring to wife too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a coworker problem for a few years and dated/slept with 5 people from my office. Luckily only 1 of them is still with the firm and it was a long time ago so it doesn't bother either of us. It was very obvious which ones were interested. Flirting, a lot of "stopping by" my office, going out to grab coffee invites, email chains that continued long after the original work related question/issue had been resolved, etc. I've been married for 7 years to a wonderful woman now and would never step out on my marriage so it's a non-issue now. I don't know if there is something about me being married in and of itself, not flirting at all myself or maybe I'm just not as attractive as I was in my 30s but it has definitely dropped off completely now. I will echo what the others said though and advise that it's a bad idea. It was a lot of sneaking around and a lot of pressure to be discreet that wasn't always shared by the person I was dating. Lesson learned.

I don't think you have a "coworker problem."

Yeah he had an "I'm an unstoppably awesome sex machine" problem.
But a warning for the former sex machine: stay attractive to other women in order to remain attractive to your wife. If you are boring to other women you will be boring to wife too.

Ha. PP here, nothing like that I promise. I probably used the wrong wording in my post. I had a problem in that I was working a lot and wasn't getting out much so I was falling into repeated relationships with coworkers. I realized that was a problem (too late I admit) and then stopped dating coworkers. Luckily I met DW so now I don't have to worry about it. Thanks for the tip about staying attractive. I stay in shape and try not to bore DW, but I'll remember to never stop working on it.

[Anonymous]

Compliments