At what point do you part ways? overreacting?

[Anonymous]

My husband's sister can be a real peach. I generally ignore the dumb things she says but sometimes I question whether or not she's a safe person. She's almost 30 so no she isn't a teenager. Last night I was with my DH and DS visiting with his parents. His sister was there. I knew that her brother in law got engaged a few months ago and I asked her if they had set a date. Her response caught me off guard.

She said that Darla won't marry Jimmy until Jimmy gets his act together. Nephew had a birthday party a few months ago and his uncle Jimmy and soon to be? Aunt Darla were there as well. I left early with DS and apparently after I left everyone began drinking at my 4 year old nephew's birthday party. I'm talking shots not a couple of beers. Jimmy hasn't even been out of prison for a year and started throwing punches at sister in law's husband. I guess sister in law's husband wrestled him to the ground until he calmed down. This terrifies me that this is the example my nephew sees. Not the scary part even. Sister in law defends him saying how he's been sober a couple of months now and they're doing better because Darla has learned to stop arguing with him. Excuuuuse me?

I'm just ready to step way way back from my husband's sister and her husband but first I want to be sure I'm not overreacting?

[Anonymous]

What does your husband say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your husband say?

He's just dumbfounded. He said we will discuss it when he gets off work today.

[Anonymous]

I'm having trouble sorting out all these people and relationships. But anyone who believes that a woman has the responsibility of not arguing with a man to prevent violence is blaming the victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm having trouble sorting out all these people and relationships. But anyone who believes that a woman has the responsibility of not arguing with a man to prevent violence is blaming the victim.

That's what I say.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I'm sorry. They sound like trash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I'm sorry. They sound like trash.

His parents didn't raise his sister this way. They're just as horrified. We want to place the blame on her husband but she's just as guilty. She says things like "she's learned not to argue with him" a lot now.

[Anonymous]

Thankfully no one in my immediate family behaves like this but about 50% of my extended family does. Drunken fights, getting arrested at parties, general trash behavior. We don't see them unless it's at a neutral location and even those occasions are quite rare.

It sounds cold hearted but they honestly contribute nothing positive to our lives and bring a cloud of problems with them everywhere they go. They aren't worth putting up with and none of us want our kids exposed to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm having trouble sorting out all these people and relationships. But anyone who believes that a woman has the responsibility of not arguing with a man to prevent violence is blaming the victim.

That's what I say.

+1 That's an abusive dynamic. Not sure if the kid belongs to the fighting couple, but if so, maybe you can stay in his life just enough to keep an eye on his safety. And call Children's Services if necessary - you can make an anonymous report. Witnessing violence in the home is incredibly harmful for children, even if they are not the target.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I'm sorry. They sound like trash.

His parents didn't raise his sister this way. They're just as horrified. We want to place the blame on her husband but she's just as guilty. She says things like "she's learned not to argue with him" a lot now.

My mom wasn't raised that way either. Yet, she stayed married to my dad for 23 years and he beat the shit out of her and us every week like clock work. It only ended because he killed himself.

I have to appear in court on Wednesday as a prosecution witness to a DV case involving a coworker. According to her sister, they weren't raised that way either. She's back with her abuser and trying to convince me it was all a 'huge misunderstanding'.

Domestic violence is fucked up. I'm make sure she knows you're there for her without judgment but, personally, I couldn't tolerate being around them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I'm sorry. They sound like trash.

His parents didn't raise his sister this way. They're just as horrified. We want to place the blame on her husband but she's just as guilty. She says things like "she's learned not to argue with him" a lot now.

My mom wasn't raised that way either. Yet, she stayed married to my dad for 23 years and he beat the shit out of her and us every week like clock work. It only ended because he killed himself.

I have to appear in court on Wednesday as a prosecution witness to a DV case involving a coworker. According to her sister, they weren't raised that way either. She's back with her abuser and trying to convince me it was all a 'huge misunderstanding'.

Domestic violence is fucked up. I'm make sure she knows you're there for her without judgment but, personally, I couldn't tolerate being around them.

Hey everyone. I know this is hard to follow but sister in law is not the one in the abusive relationship. However she is the one defending it. The woman in the relationship has a 2 year old daughter who along with my nephew witnessed the trash behavior.

[Anonymous]

So who are you cutting ties with? The one in the abusive relationship or the one defending the abuser?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So who are you cutting ties with? The one in the abusive relationship or the one defending the abuser?

The one defending the abuser. Also the one who allowed heavy drinking at a child's party.

[Anonymous]

This is really confusing, and I'm not usually confused by these threads. Maybe try to clarify who is who first, then retell the story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is really confusing, and I'm not usually confused by these threads. Maybe try to clarify who is who first, then retell the story.

Ok lets give names. My sister in law is Jane. Her husband Don. Nephew(sister in laws son) as Nephew. Don's brother is Jimmy. Darla is Jimmy's fiance.

Nephew had a birthday party at Jane and Don's. I left early along with my DS and DH. After we left they brought out the hard liquor and the adults all began taking shots. Jimmy started swinging at Don. Don wrestles him to the ground.

Well apparently Jimmy has been having a drinking problem and losing his temper alot. Therefore Darla refuses to set a date to marry him. Jane makes excuses for Jimmy saying how Darla needs to learn to stop arguing with Jimmy.