I'm Just Tired... Can't take care of my mother anymore. Advice ?

[Anonymous]

Long story short: I am 25, been taking care of my for the past 7 years with my now $33k salary and she gets about $8k from SS. Because of her past drug usage and her current medical issue of having a colostomy bag, family members refuse to let her stay with them. I am a weekday live-in nanny and come home on weekends. I have been offered to just stay at "work" on weekends if I'd like to (I have my own suite there). Life isn't fair, but I'm at a crossroads where I'm just done taking care of my mom and I'm tired of having to work weekends to make ends meet. I don't go out, I don't eat out, don't drink coffee so no Starbucks BILL so any advice on saving $, I've been there, done that. No, my mom can't work not even part time but she's able to at least clean up behind herself. I come home Fridays to a filthy, smell filled apartment, dirty clothes in the ONLY bathroom sink soaking of poop, junky living room, kitchen sink pilled up high. I spend Friday nights or Saturday morning cleaning just so the place can look decent while she's asleep. I've talked with her and it's always, I'll do it later.. I don't feel good, I'm tired (from doing nothing). It's to the point where If I'm not working on the weekends, I find other places to stay because of how lazy she is and dirty she keeps the place. I'm just tired of working to take care of someone when I can save roughly $800/mo to speed up payments of student loans, car note or even take a trip somewhere (I've never been out of the USA let along off the east coast ) IDC if I sound selfish, I'm just ready to finally live my life. I am curious how someone who may have been in a similar situation handled it. Thanks !

PS: No, I don't know where she'll stay if I decide to end my current lease.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry, what a lot to be shouldering.

You are not obligated to continue on like this. Don't let anyone make you feel like you are.

I have not been in your situation but I am disabled and receive SS. Your mom can go to the local DSHS office for assistance with housing. It's okay to let her be an adult on her own OP, really.

[Anonymous]

I was you and I stopped. My sister took over ( we were both in our early 20s) and she grew sick of it too. We both moved away. My mother cried, told our family how evil we were. She is fine now. She gets some kind of voucher and the state pays for a home aid to come by once a week. My mother doesn't work. She is mentally ill and bored. Whenever she calls with drama I tell her I don't want to be involved.

You deserve a life too. Don't let her manipulate you.

[Anonymous]

Agree you need to research all gov and community social services.
Is she depressed? Likely? Call in help, professionals.
You can't keep going like this.
She has to live alone. Lie if you must. Tell her your job requires live in full time.
Save yourself and support from a distance

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she will be on the street if she doesn't live with OP. Is that correct?

[Anonymous]

Get her into a nursing home if possible. Seriously. Medicaid can cover.

[Anonymous]

If she goes to any kind of community clinic or hospital on a regular basis, they should have a social worker on site- I've had recent health issues and often I've had one come talk to me uninvited before/during a medical appointment just to make sure that I have a support system in place. But if not, ask the nurse or front desk.

Talk to them and tell them that your mother needs to be connected to a social services agency and will need housing immediately. This should not be an unusual conversation for a social worker, so if they seem flummoxed, ask another.

You did all you could but you need to take care of yourself now. You're allowed to and you have to.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP. This is unfair and you should not have to spend your youth living like this.

If your mother can actually live by herself and receive financial and home aide help from the state or federal government, please do it.
The help you give her then will be ungrudging and you will feel much better.

[Anonymous]

You don't have to carry her, OP, or sacrifice a good life for her. She needs government services, and you need to stop living with her. Sorry you're in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Nursing home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short: I am 25, been taking care of my for the past 7 years with my now $33k salary and she gets about $8k from SS. Because of her past drug usage and her current medical issue of having a colostomy bag, family members refuse to let her stay with them. I am a weekday live-in nanny and come home on weekends. I have been offered to just stay at "work" on weekends if I'd like to (I have my own suite there). Life isn't fair, but I'm at a crossroads where I'm just done taking care of my mom and I'm tired of having to work weekends to make ends meet. I don't go out, I don't eat out, don't drink coffee so no Starbucks BILL so any advice on saving $, I've been there, done that. No, my mom can't work not even part time but she's able to at least clean up behind herself. I come home Fridays to a filthy, smell filled apartment, dirty clothes in the ONLY bathroom sink soaking of poop, junky living room, kitchen sink pilled up high. I spend Friday nights or Saturday morning cleaning just so the place can look decent while she's asleep. I've talked with her and it's always, I'll do it later.. I don't feel good, I'm tired (from doing nothing). It's to the point where If I'm not working on the weekends, I find other places to stay because of how lazy she is and dirty she keeps the place. I'm just tired of working to take care of someone when I can save roughly $800/mo to speed up payments of student loans, car note or even take a trip somewhere (I've never been out of the USA let along off the east coast ) IDC if I sound selfish, I'm just ready to finally live my life. I am curious how someone who may have been in a similar situation handled it. Thanks !

PS: No, I don't know where she'll stay if I decide to end my current lease.

If she is has this serious condition then I can see why she is so depressed and doesn't care anymore. She needs to get the help she needs and your support as her family. Family can be frustrating and it's our natural instinct to be selfish but you need to get her the help she needs because it sounds like she needs help and motivation.

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/rebecca-zamolo-inside-out-documentary

[Anonymous]

Thank you everyone for your responses ! I've been compiling a list of resources that everyone has shared to see what type of assistance she can really receive. THANKS !