Grandparents insist on taking my kids’ first class seats

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This trip has actually taken a turn for the worse, depending on your perspective.

We came to what we thought was a great plan. My mom and dad take my kids business class seats. Kids go back to economy plus. DH uses PlusPoints to try to upgrade kids, waitlist only.

Well, enter the Father’s Day drama. My kids planned a family cookout for DH and this involved driving out to the Shenandoah area for hiking and a cookout on Father’s Day. Unfortunately, this meant we didn’t drive to my parents’ house (1 1/2 hours away) on that day. I sent my dad a card, flowers, and called him first thing in the morning on Sunday. Everything seemed ok.

On Monday evening I get a short email from my Mom saying that they are canceling their cruise and not going to Athens. She says, “Your father’s back is hurting again and we think the trip will be just too much.” Wow. We call. My mom is super awkward and my dad won’t come to the phone. He’s not feeling well, supposedly. We call the next day. Same thing.

DH noticed that my parents canceled their flights (since he used his PlusPoints to try to upgrade, I guess he can see their record locator). I texted my mom and told her I was disappointed. She understands and apologized for my dad being a jerk. She also mentioned that it was going to be ok since my dad was talking to his doctor to get a letter stating that he is too sick to fly and they can file a travel insurance claim to get back all their cruise payments and airfare.

This whole really bothers me because I know this is just another power play between my dad and DH. He’s not getting the respect he thinks he deserves and is retaliating against me and my family as a result. Plus, I think the insurance thing is pretty sleazy.

DH canceled my parents’ hotel reservations in Athens and we’re going on the cruise without my parents. Last invitation we’ll ever extend.

Sorry, more relationships forum than travel at this point.

Your dad is a jacka$$.

[Anonymous]

Well, your dad's back may really be much worse. So, in your head, try to spin it that way since thinking of him in the most positive way possible is the best thing.

Also, I would take a trip over to see him and your mom sometime and minimize how much your husband has to see them. It sounds like they are very hard on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This trip has actually taken a turn for the worse, depending on your perspective.

We came to what we thought was a great plan. My mom and dad take my kids business class seats. Kids go back to economy plus. DH uses PlusPoints to try to upgrade kids, waitlist only.

Well, enter the Father’s Day drama. My kids planned a family cookout for DH and this involved driving out to the Shenandoah area for hiking and a cookout on Father’s Day. Unfortunately, this meant we didn’t drive to my parents’ house (1 1/2 hours away) on that day. I sent my dad a card, flowers, and called him first thing in the morning on Sunday. Everything seemed ok.

On Monday evening I get a short email from my Mom saying that they are canceling their cruise and not going to Athens. She says, “Your father’s back is hurting again and we think the trip will be just too much.” Wow. We call. My mom is super awkward and my dad won’t come to the phone. He’s not feeling well, supposedly. We call the next day. Same thing.

DH noticed that my parents canceled their flights (since he used his PlusPoints to try to upgrade, I guess he can see their record locator). I texted my mom and told her I was disappointed. She understands and apologized for my dad being a jerk. She also mentioned that it was going to be ok since my dad was talking to his doctor to get a letter stating that he is too sick to fly and they can file a travel insurance claim to get back all their cruise payments and airfare.

This whole really bothers me because I know this is just another power play between my dad and DH. He’s not getting the respect he thinks he deserves and is retaliating against me and my family as a result. Plus, I think the insurance thing is pretty sleazy.

DH canceled my parents’ hotel reservations in Athens and we’re going on the cruise without my parents. Last invitation we’ll ever extend.

Sorry, more relationships forum than travel at this point.

Your dad is a jacka$$.

It just often does get to this point with aging parents. Cut your losses (as you've done) and enjoy your family trip. Don't sweat it.

[Anonymous]

OP, be sure to bookmark this thread. Come back to it if there is any question of travelling together again.

I'd still want to visit with the parents who raised me and whom I love, even if it is complicated. I'd have a few rules for myself:

1. Stay at a hotel if I visit their place, even if I am alone. Set this precedent now. I can always spend as much time as I want with them, but this way if and when DH ever comes, it's not suddenly a big thing that there is a hotel involved.

2. Meet them at places, don't travel together. If we are meeting at a place, know how the rooms will shake out. Either it's some space that is big enough to accommodate them as is (doesn't matter if they cancel or come), or I know there is no bunking in my family's space (e.g., I know the hotel limits to a certain number of people per room, so they have to get their own).

3. As someone mentioned above, always be super clear about the plan from the very first communication. Then stick to it.

Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

A perfect example of an entitled child growing up. I would never treat my parents so disrespectfully and seal behind their back. This OP is seeing just how her kids will treat her someday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This trip has actually taken a turn for the worse, depending on your perspective.

We came to what we thought was a great plan. My mom and dad take my kids business class seats. Kids go back to economy plus. DH uses PlusPoints to try to upgrade kids, waitlist only.

Well, enter the Father’s Day drama. My kids planned a family cookout for DH and this involved driving out to the Shenandoah area for hiking and a cookout on Father’s Day. Unfortunately, this meant we didn’t drive to my parents’ house (1 1/2 hours away) on that day. I sent my dad a card, flowers, and called him first thing in the morning on Sunday. Everything seemed ok.

On Monday evening I get a short email from my Mom saying that they are canceling their cruise and not going to Athens. She says, “Your father’s back is hurting again and we think the trip will be just too much.” Wow. We call. My mom is super awkward and my dad won’t come to the phone. He’s not feeling well, supposedly. We call the next day. Same thing.

DH noticed that my parents canceled their flights (since he used his PlusPoints to try to upgrade, I guess he can see their record locator). I texted my mom and told her I was disappointed. She understands and apologized for my dad being a jerk. She also mentioned that it was going to be ok since my dad was talking to his doctor to get a letter stating that he is too sick to fly and they can file a travel insurance claim to get back all their cruise payments and airfare.

This whole really bothers me because I know this is just another power play between my dad and DH. He’s not getting the respect he thinks he deserves and is retaliating against me and my family as a result. Plus, I think the insurance thing is pretty sleazy.

DH canceled my parents’ hotel reservations in Athens and we’re going on the cruise without my parents. Last invitation we’ll ever extend.

Sorry, more relationships forum than travel at this point.

Wow. No good deed goes unpunished.

OP don’t feel bad about not inviting them on future vacations. I flat out told my mom she’s not invited on any more of ours because it’s exhausting and like taking an additional very needy little child, despite her being perfectly able to act like a responsible adult. I’m a single mom and my vacations are to relax, not be stressed bc of my mom.

My dad is also no longer invited bc he had a horrible disrespectful attitude for no reason the last time he traveled with us, but we do let him join us for day trips.

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't know why people try traveling with extended family. I didn't got on a vacation with my folks after I turned 16. My MIL tried multiple times to get me and DH and two babies / toddlers to go on vacations with her, my idea of hell, and we never went. Never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A perfect example of an entitled child growing up. I would never treat my parents so disrespectfully and seal behind their back. This OP is seeing just how her kids will treat her someday.

As if she is a grown adult who shouldn't behave like a demanding, petulant child insisting on getting the best treats? Okay.

[/not OP]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't know why people try traveling with extended family. I didn't got on a vacation with my folks after I turned 16. My MIL tried multiple times to get me and DH and two babies / toddlers to go on vacations with her, my idea of hell, and we never went. Never.

How sad for you. The trips I was able to give my Mom, after I was grown, gave her experiences she had only dreamed of.

It made me so happy to spoil her, since she had been such a great parent.

And now that she is gone, I treasure those memories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't know why people try traveling with extended family. I didn't got on a vacation with my folks after I turned 16. My MIL tried multiple times to get me and DH and two babies / toddlers to go on vacations with her, my idea of hell, and we never went. Never.

How sad for you. The trips I was able to give my Mom, after I was grown, gave her experiences she had only dreamed of.

It made me so happy to spoil her, since she had been such a great parent.

And now that she is gone, I treasure those memories.

Guessing PP wasn’t as lucky as you were to have a great parent/in law. If my parents had been great parents and were pleasant people, I’d love to travel w them. But they’re not, so I don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A perfect example of an entitled child growing up. I would never treat my parents so disrespectfully and seal behind their back. This OP is seeing just how her kids will treat her someday.

I bet you are just a peach as a parent. If I were your kid, I would want nothing to do with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't know why people try traveling with extended family. I didn't got on a vacation with my folks after I turned 16. My MIL tried multiple times to get me and DH and two babies / toddlers to go on vacations with her, my idea of hell, and we never went. Never.

How sad for you. The trips I was able to give my Mom, after I was grown, gave her experiences she had only dreamed of.

It made me so happy to spoil her, since she had been such a great parent.

And now that she is gone, I treasure those memories.

Guessing PP wasn’t as lucky as you were to have a great parent/in law. If my parents had been great parents and were pleasant people, I’d love to travel w them. But they’re not, so I don’t.

+1 Some people get lucky and get great parents, and those parents are delightful people as they age. Some people get people who are narcissists or bullies or alcoholic or addicted or abusive or neglectful and those parents continue those patterns as they age. If you have great parents, STFU about telling people how to handle their difficult parents as adult children. You have no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't know why people try traveling with extended family. I didn't got on a vacation with my folks after I turned 16. My MIL tried multiple times to get me and DH and two babies / toddlers to go on vacations with her, my idea of hell, and we never went. Never.

How sad for you. The trips I was able to give my Mom, after I was grown, gave her experiences she had only dreamed of.

It made me so happy to spoil her, since she had been such a great parent.

And now that she is gone, I treasure those memories.

Guessing PP wasn’t as lucky as you were to have a great parent/in law. If my parents had been great parents and were pleasant people, I’d love to travel w them. But they’re not, so I don’t.

+1 Some people get lucky and get great parents, and those parents are delightful people as they age. Some people get people who are narcissists or bullies or alcoholic or addicted or abusive or neglectful and those parents continue those patterns as they age. If you have great parents, STFU about telling people how to handle their difficult parents as adult children. You have no idea.

+ infinity. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't know why people try traveling with extended family. I didn't got on a vacation with my folks after I turned 16. My MIL tried multiple times to get me and DH and two babies / toddlers to go on vacations with her, my idea of hell, and we never went. Never.

How sad for you. The trips I was able to give my Mom, after I was grown, gave her experiences she had only dreamed of.

It made me so happy to spoil her, since she had been such a great parent.

And now that she is gone, I treasure those memories.

What kind of cookie do you want for being so perfect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, be sure to bookmark this thread. Come back to it if there is any question of travelling together again.

I'd still want to visit with the parents who raised me and whom I love, even if it is complicated. I'd have a few rules for myself:

1. Stay at a hotel if I visit their place, even if I am alone. Set this precedent now. I can always spend as much time as I want with them, but this way if and when DH ever comes, it's not suddenly a big thing that there is a hotel involved.

2. Meet them at places, don't travel together. If we are meeting at a place, know how the rooms will shake out. Either it's some space that is big enough to accommodate them as is (doesn't matter if they cancel or come), or I know there is no bunking in my family's space (e.g., I know the hotel limits to a certain number of people per room, so they have to get their own).

3. As someone mentioned above, always be super clear about the plan from the very first communication. Then stick to it.

Best wishes.

We have similar boundaries with one of our set of parents, and they have been super helpful in improving our relationship. Another one is we never stay together in the same space for more than around 3 hours. We noticed years ago that our parents would devolve in their behavior after a few hours and start saying inappropriate things, bringing old painful memories, etc. So we set the time limit and it has worked well- quit while you are ahead.

We used to dread seeing them and now look forward to it because we mostly have positive experiences. They used to grumble about the boundaries (why won't you stay with us? Etc) but now are fine with it. Because we look forward to the visits now we are in much better moods and usually have a nice time.