Teen depression and letters to friends

[Anonymous]

We moved during the pandemic and our totally happy well adjusted 15 year old spiraled into depression. She tried to harm herself and then told me about it in the morning. An obvious cry for help. I was shocked to the core. It really is true that parents often never see it coming.
I got her into immediate therapy. I don't think it matters how much you love them, in that moment your love does not matter, so the fault is not with you OP.
My advice is to get to the root of the depression. Why is she so sad? The therapist told me that trying to get a child child with depression to do anything is like trying to make a patient with the flu to go for a jog. They just cannot do anything.
I started with small things to get her out of her room - let's go for Starbucks (something she was unlikely to say no to). Let's go for a drive...whatever.
Then I got her to try to new activity as it was something she had always wanted to do, so she was willing to engage.
Perhaps your daughter wants to go to the mall and get make up - do an art class, go to a movie, really whatever would get her up and moving and in the outside world.
Even a concert or something.
I found that the combination of the therapy and the small steps to get out and get moving was enough to slowly pull her out of it. Then we hit spring break and we decided to go away for a total change of scenery (limited use of phones etc) and that is what finally shook her out of it. It was 3 months of complete stress and anxiety.
For us the key was getting her out of her room (or your basement) as often as we could. After zoom school I would try to get everyone outside - let's try the new bakery! Anything to get her out and about.
Now it is over and it almost seems like it never happened. Mental health is very frightening. My husband and I were total wrecks but our daughter almost seems to have blocked the entire thing out.
Perhaps that is what kids do, I am just grateful because at one point getting her to take a shower was a real challenge and I have never seen so many tears.
Hang in there, get her the help she needs. Therapy can work wonders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just want to repeat what PP said about Johns Hopkins. Take her there. They will take very seriously your situation, especially the part about her trying to avoid taking the medication. You should tell them that you can’t monitor her 24/7 especially since she is lying. I took DC to Hopkins ER and they were admitted to Inpatient. Their social workers both in the ER and Inpatient assisted in finding outpatient providers and stepdown programs. DC really benefited from Inpatient.

If you haven’t already, you may need to put restrictions on her phone time. Not saying to take it away bc kids really use it as a lifeline, but you should put limits on it. One of the benefits to getting her checked into Inpatient is that they will have to give up electronics and social media.

Also, OP, in your interactions with her, don’t make this about you. It’s fine to tell us in this forum that she is hurting you by doing this, but please don’t tell her that. She is not doing this to you on purpose and telling her this will just add fuel to the fire of self-loathing and depression.

I've been where you are, OP (except for the history of abuse) and the PP was right on about a trip to Hopkins. No program is perfect, but it will give you a chance to regroup and get her seen and evaluated quickly. Instead of worrying about other kids being bad influences, think that your daughter might find other kids she can connect with who understand what she is going through. That was really helpful for my son. Please get her (and you) some help now.

[Anonymous]

OP, just thinking of you and hoping your daughter is doing okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP HUGS.

The mom that called you is a special person.

So is the friend who received the text and told her mother right away.

Yes, my DD was in this situation once as she was on the receiving end of an "odd" snapchat from her friend. I'm so glad your DC got the needed help and intervention and my heart goes out to you.