Regrets?

[Anonymous]

Our biggest regret was not encouraging more initiative. I started typing out a long story but you have all heard similar stories before. The bottom line is it's easy to follow good advice from DCUM. It's really hard to encourage initiative and even harder for a student to actually figure out how to embrace a life based on initiative (it's not like we and our DC didn't try). However, initiative (or lack thereof) is almost always the difference between getting into schools that match a student's stats vs getting into schools that are reaches.

Much more important than which schools our DC got into, better early efforts in initiative would have helped out children learn how to fail forward better.

[Anonymous]

I read something in an article yesterday about a different topic but still relevant:

Your words today become his inner monologue tomorrow.

I wish I was more aware of that relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son and I visited UVA in the spring of this junior year. At the end of the presentation by the admissions person he looked over at me and said, “I wish I had heard all of this when I was in 8th grade or a freshman”. I thought that was pretty telling.

We did tell my DC the things they need to know, and even an older cousin had the talk and said, "I wish someone had told me at your age..." but it didn't make a difference because sometimes their brains are not ready to hear about or process the future.

This. Often freshman year grades are lower not because kids aren’t trying or don’t know they are important, but because it’s a big transition from middle school. Tp not really anything parents can do to change this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you wish you had known when your DC was starting high school? (Or, better yet, what does your DC wish they’d known, done, and not done?) What ended up being important in college admissions, what ended up being overkill, etc?

I am sure my list is different than most people

We saw no advantage to that John Hopkins educational blah, blah, blah or any other colleges week sessions or camps etc.. that are for "gifted or special or honors". Waste of money period.

Lots of volunteering only if their heart is in it.

Extracurriculars and ie leadership again made no difference in admissions.

Many large public Universities are data schools they could care less about the rest. Hence we focused on GPA and SAT or ACT that's it.

What did make a difference full pay or not.

After our first one we decided to have our DC take the reins they did whatever they wanted to get into the schools of their choice. Which is way more important to DMV parents then myself or my DH. Yes some went to Ivies, all but one majored in CS/Engineering/Supply Chain. MIT, GA TECH were also attended.

We did hire college admissions counselors just for ACT. Essays as well. Just so we did not have to argue, do I think either of these are necessary no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure you really need a private counselor. All the information is out there. Our public school counselor was brand new and worse than useless but we were able to figure it out ourselves. A lot of it is common sense and there is so much info available from admissions blogs and YouTube videos from private counselors, etc.

I agree. My oldest went to a public high school. Sadly, the lone college counselor (yes, the school only had one) was battling breast cancer his junior year. She was still working the entire year, but was out of work for long periods of time and passed away too young in the fall of his senior year. The school did not hire a replacement until his senior year so he received almost zero counseling his junior year.

Thanks to DCUM (seriously) I actually found quite a bit of useful information here. Info like Naviance, the Common Data Set, test prep.

One of the mistakes we made with DS was SAT registration. Even though I went to college and took the SAT, I couldn't remember when you should take the SAT. DS didn't take it until March of his junior year and I had to pay the late registration fee because I didn't know to sign him up in time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our biggest regret was not encouraging more initiative. I started typing out a long story but you have all heard similar stories before. The bottom line is it's easy to follow good advice from DCUM. It's really hard to encourage initiative and even harder for a student to actually figure out how to embrace a life based on initiative (it's not like we and our DC didn't try). However, initiative (or lack thereof) is almost always the difference between getting into schools that match a student's stats vs getting into schools that are reaches.

Much more important than which schools our DC got into, better early efforts in initiative would have helped out children learn how to fail forward better.

IME, you can encourage it all you want, but that doesn't mean it will happen. My DC has initiative in things that matter from DC's perspective, but those things do not include grades, standardized tests, or "getting into top colleges." OTOH, younger DC raised in same environment thinks getting good grades is the ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you wish you had known when your DC was starting high school? (Or, better yet, what does your DC wish they’d known, done, and not done?) What ended up being important in college admissions, what ended up being overkill, etc?

I am sure my list is different than most people

We saw no advantage to that John Hopkins educational blah, blah, blah or any other colleges week sessions or camps etc.. that are for "gifted or special or honors". Waste of money period.

Lots of volunteering only if their heart is in it.

Extracurriculars and ie leadership again made no difference in admissions.

Many large public Universities are data schools they could care less about the rest. Hence we focused on GPA and SAT or ACT that's it.

What did make a difference full pay or not.

After our first one we decided to have our DC take the reins they did whatever they wanted to get into the schools of their choice. Which is way more important to DMV parents then myself or my DH. Yes some went to Ivies, all but one majored in CS/Engineering/Supply Chain. MIT, GA TECH were also attended.

We did hire college admissions counselors just for ACT. Essays as well. Just so we did not have to argue, do I think either of these are necessary no.

What was there to "argue" about, if they "took the reins," and getting into these colleges wasn't important to you or DH?

[Anonymous]

I am glad someone else mentioned SAT timing. I wanted my kids to have time to take the SAT twice before the end of Junior year. This meant they had an SAT prep class during the summer of sophomore year and then took the actual tests in the fall and spring of junior year. Junior summer was spent researching a visiting schools.

My public high school offered a parent info meeting for the college process. I attended this meeting sophomore AND junior year just to wrap my head around the information. I would also advise that you talk to an older parent who has a student similar to yours. Ask them the same question that OP stated.

[Anonymous]

9th grade should not be included in GPA.

[Anonymous]

We wish we had hired a private counselor. We did for grad school.

[Anonymous]

We moved between freshman and sophomore years. I did not realize how hard it would be to transfer grades and credits from a trimester-based IB vs. semester-based AP program. Her new school was incredibly narrow-minded in how it transferred her credits, leaving her with a much lower GPA than she deserved and having to repeat a couple of classes where she had a trimester rather than a semester of credit. We didn't want to start at a new school with a fight, but in hindsight I should have taken it to the principal right away. She's applying for college this year, and the upward trajectory from freshman year is superb but it sure brings down her GPA overall.

Like many others have said, I also wish we had hired a private counselor who would take the time to steer us through the process. We ended up consulting someone at the last minute, but I think that it would have been a better investment earlier in the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9th grade should not be included in GPA.

Many of the previous posters have overstated the importance of the 9th grade. Many school do, in fact, discount the 9th grade especially if there's a rising trend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son and I visited UVA in the spring of this junior year. At the end of the presentation by the admissions person he looked over at me and said, “I wish I had heard all of this when I was in 8th grade or a freshman”. I thought that was pretty telling.

We did tell my DC the things they need to know, and even an older cousin had the talk and said, "I wish someone had told me at your age..." but it didn't make a difference because sometimes their brains are not ready to hear about or process the future.

This.

We told DC plenty about working on time management and grades and DC (who has ADD and some other issues) just didn't believe us. And refused to have anything to do with an ADD coach. The brain just isn't ready yet to absorb these lessons. So even though DC tests in the 98th-99th% consistently and has taken a rigorous course load, will not get into a top tier school because of GPA which is lower than it could have been because of poor time management, forgetting to turn in things, and not studying as hard as needed. It's a learning lesson and DC has realized the mistakes of the past. Maturity will come into play at some point as will better habits. My spouse experienced the same thing in high school, went to a middle-tier college for a year, then transferred to a better school, worked super hard, and went to a top law school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. The private college counselor thing is very interesting to me. we are in an okay but not great school district, with not many kids at all going to selective schools, although the valedictorian did go to Harvard last year. I'm really concerned that the guidance counselors will be completely clueless about what it takes to get into these schools, and put my kid in a worse position in many ways because they may be totally ignorant when it comes to applying at that level. Food for thought, thanks.

2020 was not a normal year. Every senior I know (20+) was accepted to a MUCH better school than they would have been, any other year - about two tiers higher than they would have been, had it not been 2020.

Do you mean class of 2020? What about ED and EA with decisions before 3/1? What made it different since the pandemic hadn't come to town yet?

It was the RD too, but mostly the wait list movement. Our school publishes where kids are going near the end of the school year, but by the time they actually went in the Fall, the list was completely different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son and I visited UVA in the spring of this junior year. At the end of the presentation by the admissions person he looked over at me and said, “I wish I had heard all of this when I was in 8th grade or a freshman”. I thought that was pretty telling.

We did tell my DC the things they need to know, and even an older cousin had the talk and said, "I wish someone had told me at your age..." but it didn't make a difference because sometimes their brains are not ready to hear about or process the future.

This.

We told DC plenty about working on time management and grades and DC (who has ADD and some other issues) just didn't believe us. And refused to have anything to do with an ADD coach. The brain just isn't ready yet to absorb these lessons. So even though DC tests in the 98th-99th% consistently and has taken a rigorous course load, will not get into a top tier school because of GPA which is lower than it could have been because of poor time management, forgetting to turn in things, and not studying as hard as needed. It's a learning lesson and DC has realized the mistakes of the past. Maturity will come into play at some point as will better habits. My spouse experienced the same thing in high school, went to a middle-tier college for a year, then transferred to a better school, worked super hard, and went to a top law school.

NP. Similar kid here too. It's really frustrating.