I don’t respect my husband - would you divorce if you were me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give an example of what you mean by life’s big responsibilities? How is he not stepping up to those and how are you forced to fill in?

He doesn’t know the first thing about about maintaining anything having to do with our house or our cars, it all falls on me. And I make more money. And I work more hours.

Has his salary dropped since you met; or you just expected him to accelerate st a specific pace in his career?

He has stagnated and he complains constantly but does nothing to fix it or pivot. He also buries his head in the sand about how this impacts our financial goals and the fact that I have to pick up the financial slack and insists that someday, somehow he will be rich and god forbid I question or drill down into the fantasy thinking.

My BIL has all these wild ideas about new jobs, investments and money. Problem is he’s clueless. So all his attainable and crazy unattainable ideas are DOA. He never has even the most basic plan and action how to set a goal and achieve it. He’s 40 now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give an example of what you mean by life’s big responsibilities? How is he not stepping up to those and how are you forced to fill in?

He doesn’t know the first thing about about maintaining anything having to do with our house or our cars, it all falls on me. And I make more money. And I work more hours.

Oh, so you are a time traveler from the 50s.

Lol. I want a partner not a child. Like all women.

You want a REAL man, but could get one so settled for beta sperm donor. Klassy

Well, what makes this hard is that I COULD shave gotten a “real man” - but I made the wrong choice for a whole host of reasons, some having to do with baggage from childhood and self esteem that I’ve since worked very hard to fix. Anyway, what’s done is done. But where do I go from here? Do I force myself to stomach feeling no respect and feeling disappointed or do I leave?

OP, either this is the hormones talking or you are just a shorty person for having a kid with a guy you don’t respect. Why bring a kid into that relationship? So irresponsible. I feel bad for your very young baby.

[Anonymous]

OP, hardly anyone with a very little baby likes their husband.

[Anonymous]

OP, get therapy for yourself. Nothing you are posting here sounds like grounds for a divorce, and we are hearing entirely your side of it. That doesn't mean you shouldn't divorce, it just means you should get some professional guidance on what is going on with you and this relationship. Otherwise there is a very real chance you will divorce, marry someone else, and find yourself in the same, or even worse, situation down the road. Or you will blow up your marriage and then something else will happen that makes you furious and unhappy.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Respecting your husband is a choice. It really is. My aunt was married to a doctor who made millions and gave her a lifestyle most women could only dream of, and she didn’t respect him. He was always gentle with her and gave her whatever she wanted, control of the money, anything she wanted to buy. But he was a garbage husband in her eyes. Why? She felt he didn’t contribute to the home. Women on this forum would have killed to be her and told her to outsource for God’s sake. Would you have respected him? No, because the issue here is you.

[Anonymous]

If all you are is a paycheck be up front about that.

[Anonymous]

So tell us about the man you’re having an affair with. Because “I don’t respect my husband” sounds like a wishy washy vague excuse for leaving when you don’t want to admit the real reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give an example of what you mean by life’s big responsibilities? How is he not stepping up to those and how are you forced to fill in?

He doesn’t know the first thing about about maintaining anything having to do with our house or our cars, it all falls on me. And I make more money. And I work more hours.

Oh, so you are a time traveler from the 50s.

Lol. I want a partner not a child. Like all women.

Expecting that house and car issues are his responsibility and that you "feel like the man in the relationship" (whatever the hell that even means in 2020) reflects either a 1950s mentality or a very stunted, emotionally immature one. Either way, ew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Respecting your husband is a choice. It really is. My aunt was married to a doctor who made millions and gave her a lifestyle most women could only dream of, and she didn’t respect him. He was always gentle with her and gave her whatever she wanted, control of the money, anything she wanted to buy. But he was a garbage husband in her eyes. Why? She felt he didn’t contribute to the home. Women on this forum would have killed to be her and told her to outsource for God’s sake. Would you have respected him? No, because the issue here is you.

I guarantee he was cheating on her which is why she had such resentment. You only see her act that way because of having to deal with his affairs. Pretty classic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Respecting your husband is a choice. It really is. My aunt was married to a doctor who made millions and gave her a lifestyle most women could only dream of, and she didn’t respect him. He was always gentle with her and gave her whatever she wanted, control of the money, anything she wanted to buy. But he was a garbage husband in her eyes. Why? She felt he didn’t contribute to the home. Women on this forum would have killed to be her and told her to outsource for God’s sake. Would you have respected him? No, because the issue here is you.

I guarantee he was cheating on her which is why she had such resentment. You only see her act that way because of having to deal with his affairs. Pretty classic.

Nope, the poor man is long dead and believe me if he did something like that my aunt would NEVER have been able to keep a secret, especially this long. I would bet my house on it.
We are an over-sharing family in the extreme. He really weirdly treasured her despite her treating him so shitty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds incapable. Of adult life.

This is bad now that he has a wife, kid, cars, and a house,

Is there a mental disorder at play? Forgetful, poor executive functioning skills, lack of common sense, ant remember discussions, no life experiences, not m any friends or genuine interests?

She hasn't described a single thing indicative of a flaw in her husnand.

Seriously. He isn’t a handyman or a mechanic, and he... refuses to let her hire someone to fix a broken door or service the oil (this part doesn’t make any sense), and she makes more money.

That’s all I got.

[Anonymous]

I bet he does not respect you either or like you very much. Should he divorce you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give an example of what you mean by life’s big responsibilities? How is he not stepping up to those and how are you forced to fill in?

He doesn’t know the first thing about about maintaining anything having to do with our house or our cars, it all falls on me. And I make more money. And I work more hours.

Oh, so you are a time traveler from the 50s.

Lol. I want a partner not a child. Like all women.

LOL. So you're ready to explain to your daughter that the reason she has to shuffle between 2 households , deal with step parrents, step siblings.have siblings and all those complexities for the rest of her life is because her dad was not a mechanic and a plumber and this made mommy unhappy?

Well right. I worry a lot about that (the complexities). But the flip side is not how you described it but rather her seeing a marriage where the woman carries the burden of life so daddy can live as a child at her expense. I am sincerely not sure what is worse.

How is he living as a child if he has a job and is a good father? My DH is also not good at fixing cars or household items. But he has a good job so can afford to outsource. He’s a good dad and my soul mate. We are on the same team and bring our strengths together to reach our goals. Sounds like your marriage is more transactional and he didn’t live up to your expectations so you fell out of love. It’s cliche, but love is hard work. That is something you could model to your daughter. Thinking of each other as teammates and not adversaries.

I am glad you have a happy marriage and can afford to outsource from your husband’s income and that he acts like a teammate. That is not the case in my marriage as much as I wish it was.

Well, if you are too poor now to outsource then divorcing will make you poorer still. You earn more than him so you will also have to pay him alimony and child support. Maybe make peace with the fact that you are not a high quality female (looks, family, education, income. self-esteem, maturity, character) and you got the best sperm donor that you could get.

I think you should seriously think about divorce, give full custody to your DH, go back to school, get a better job, get some extreme makeover done and then find another man. Also, next time, don't have a kid.

- DP

NP: 😳 WTAF is wrong with you? OP, ignore this ridiculous buffoonery.