Um, this is so awkward.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound nice and she sounds rude. Don’t feel bad AT ALL. At most she’s flattered you want to be friends while she feels she is overextended. I think it’s good you reached out. Not everybody bats 1.000, and next time it’ll be someone who does want to hang with you. Seriously, don’t feel bad, don’t act weird if you interact with her in future, so you keep your pride and don’t let her know she upset you with her rudeness. Most of all, just don’t worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I’m overwhelmed by everything right now. I don’t have the bandwidth for anything social right now.

To a very good friend, I would totally say this
And we would reconnect later
Does that always sound like a rejection?

Not to me. It sounds honest. I didn’t mean it as a brush off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never say what that woman said!
... but, what exactly should she have said?

Is it really better to "be busy" and then "be busy" again. And again.
Or worse, "maybe next time ..."

I don't think there's ANY good way to deflect a friendship.

OP here. I guess something about keeping a small bubble right now?? I feel so humiliated and weirdly vulnerable.

I’m sorry OP. You sound like a really nice person and this lady sounds like an a-hole. Unfortunately, there’s nothing to do but leave her on read and give the cold shoulder. There’s no good comeback, no good deflection possible here.

But if you’re friends with the other mom on IG or FB, I might invite someone else over for fire pit time and casually post a few pics.

[Anonymous]

She was rude and you were totally in the right.

But I can SO relate to what you are feeling right now. I am a friendly person and often extend invites etc to new people, so have experienced a fair amount of rejection. It stings even when its subtle, but I try to ignore and march on. Sometimes people even end up being friends with me later.

I try to remember its not me, sometimes it’s just them, and just keep being my same, friendly self. Some people are ready for me and some aren’t.

[Anonymous]

bullet dodged OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It was such a slap in the face and insanely hurtful, especially when "We're crazy busy right now, can we rain check?" would have been a completely acceptable response

See, I think that's more hurtful. And obnoxious. That's putting the onus on them to ask again - that the only thing "off" is the timing. The person declining "gets' to sound polite, like they are doing a favor by letting the other person pick another time to ask.

And I bet if the two people just happen to bump into each other, the person who previously declined would say, "oh .. and we have to get together. Call me next time ..."

Not nice. Sounds nice at first. But very, not nice.

More hurtful than telling someone you've been friends with for years that you aren't in the market for more friends right now? Yeah, no. I get what you're saying about not stringing someone along, but almost anything is more tactful than what OP's friend said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Completely understand that you are not looking to expand your bubble at this point in the pandemic."

But she didn’t really refer to the pandemic. She’s just not “in the market for new friends”... I would block her.

But she already rejected OP. Blocking her sounds stupid.

[Anonymous]

Have you seen each other at all during the pandemic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was rude and you were totally in the right.

But I can SO relate to what you are feeling right now. I am a friendly person and often extend invites etc to new people, so have experienced a fair amount of rejection. It stings even when its subtle, but I try to ignore and march on. Sometimes people even end up being friends with me later.

I try to remember its not me, sometimes it’s just them, and just keep being my same, friendly self. Some people are ready for me and some aren’t.

Oh - and same PP back. When you see her again, be cheerful and friendly without over extending yourself. She may not have meant it like the sick burn it sounded like - so I’d play a little dumb to her turn down. It’s not that I would invite her again, etc. But I’d just try to pretend like it didn’t happen and do business as normal, minus any extra friendship extensions. That’s what I do and sometimes people come around in different ways. Not like I am needing everyone to come around to me - but I find it extra work to have enemies, so even if I’ve been “wronged” I really just try to ignore the attempt and be friendly anyway. It works out better in the end especially if circles collide later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is a good comeback to this? It almost can’t be left without a snappy response

No, you have to let your silence speak. Don't respond at all.

Sorry this happened, OP. It's not you.

[Anonymous]

Oh my lord. That's so rude!

[Anonymous]

Surely I’m not the only one hoping “market mom” is reading this...mortified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Surely I’m not the only one hoping “market mom” is reading this...mortified.

+1!

[Anonymous]

Please don’t be mortified! She was unnecessarily curt and rude. If I got that kind of response I would assume that the other person had zero social skills and wouldn’t take it personally. Some people are just not worth your time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is a good comeback to this? It almost can’t be left without a snappy response

No, you have to let your silence speak. Don't respond at all.

Sorry this happened, OP. It's not you.

Yup. Just leave it without a reply. It’s not like she deserves the courtesy!