Post a store or brand, and we’ll guess who shops there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gorsuch

She wanted to marry an NHL player. She met a nice guy in business school (working feels like a distant fever dream now -- the aughts, amirite?) and he plays in a weekly pick-up league. There's more beer-drinking than goal-scoring, but it's good exercise. She sees some of the NHL wives in Arlington now and again, and follows them on Insta - when did all of these pro athletes get so young?!?!

While he's out of the house, she can do some of those embarrassing beauty routines (WHERE did that gray chin hair come from?! She's 37!) that she will take to her grave.

She doesn't have the dream house in Aspen she's pined (and Pinned!) for, but she's grown to love their rustic (her unkind NYC SIL will call it "primitive") Vermont getaway.

Please tell me you are either

1) the cranky pants poster, or

2) the poster who wrote this on the Post Your DC's Names thread:

You are a Kennedy. You know your way around a rosary and a good gin gimlet. You are comfortable using the argot of sailing and dressage in conversation without sounding pretentious (because it is natural for you). You know what "argot" means and how to pronounce it, even if sometimes you slur it a bit due to affinity for aforementioned gimlets. You and your always-washed children smell faintly of expensive lotion. You often wear linen, because you're not the one to wash and iron your clothes. I may have gone to college with you. I probably even liked you and you me, because you are well-mannered but not stuffy (which I find refreshing) and I am the second generation of a redneck family to go to a fancy undergraduate institution (which you find curious).

If yes, it will make my (really horrible, so far) night.

(The Kennedy post is my all-time single favorite paragraph on DCUM in the last 14+ years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gorsuch

She wanted to marry an NHL player. She met a nice guy in business school (working feels like a distant fever dream now -- the aughts, amirite?) and he plays in a weekly pick-up league. There's more beer-drinking than goal-scoring, but it's good exercise. She sees some of the NHL wives in Arlington now and again, and follows them on Insta - when did all of these pro athletes get so young?!?!

While he's out of the house, she can do some of those embarrassing beauty routines (WHERE did that gray chin hair come from?! She's 37!) that she will take to her grave.

She doesn't have the dream house in Aspen she's pined (and Pinned!) for, but she's grown to love their rustic (her unkind NYC SIL will call it "primitive") Vermont getaway.

Please tell me you are either

1) the cranky pants poster, or

2) the poster who wrote this on the Post Your DC's Names thread:

You are a Kennedy. You know your way around a rosary and a good gin gimlet. You are comfortable using the argot of sailing and dressage in conversation without sounding pretentious (because it is natural for you). You know what "argot" means and how to pronounce it, even if sometimes you slur it a bit due to affinity for aforementioned gimlets. You and your always-washed children smell faintly of expensive lotion. You often wear linen, because you're not the one to wash and iron your clothes. I may have gone to college with you. I probably even liked you and you me, because you are well-mannered but not stuffy (which I find refreshing) and I am the second generation of a redneck family to go to a fancy undergraduate institution (which you find curious).

If yes, it will make my (really horrible, so far) night.

(The Kennedy post is my all-time single favorite paragraph on DCUM in the last 14+ years.

Or maybe the 17:42 poster is Cranky Pants/Kennedy poster. . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gorsuch

She wanted to marry an NHL player. She met a nice guy in business school (working feels like a distant fever dream now -- the aughts, amirite?) and he plays in a weekly pick-up league. There's more beer-drinking than goal-scoring, but it's good exercise. She sees some of the NHL wives in Arlington now and again, and follows them on Insta - when did all of these pro athletes get so young?!?!

While he's out of the house, she can do some of those embarrassing beauty routines (WHERE did that gray chin hair come from?! She's 37!) that she will take to her grave.

She doesn't have the dream house in Aspen she's pined (and Pinned!) for, but she's grown to love their rustic (her unkind NYC SIL will call it "primitive") Vermont getaway.

Please tell me you are either

1) the cranky pants poster, or

2) the poster who wrote this on the Post Your DC's Names thread:

You are a Kennedy. You know your way around a rosary and a good gin gimlet. You are comfortable using the argot of sailing and dressage in conversation without sounding pretentious (because it is natural for you). You know what "argot" means and how to pronounce it, even if sometimes you slur it a bit due to affinity for aforementioned gimlets. You and your always-washed children smell faintly of expensive lotion. You often wear linen, because you're not the one to wash and iron your clothes. I may have gone to college with you. I probably even liked you and you me, because you are well-mannered but not stuffy (which I find refreshing) and I am the second generation of a redneck family to go to a fancy undergraduate institution (which you find curious).

If yes, it will make my (really horrible, so far) night.

(The Kennedy post is my all-time single favorite paragraph on DCUM in the last 14+ years.

Hi,
Gorsuch story PP here. I’m sorry you’re having a bad night and I am of no help, because I’m not the cranky pants poster or the Kennedy poster. But now I’m intrigued! What’s the cranky pants story? I’ve been here 8 years and it doesn’t ring a bell.

P.S. I don’t ski. I hate skiing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gorsuch

She wanted to marry an NHL player. She met a nice guy in business school (working feels like a distant fever dream now -- the aughts, amirite?) and he plays in a weekly pick-up league. There's more beer-drinking than goal-scoring, but it's good exercise. She sees some of the NHL wives in Arlington now and again, and follows them on Insta - when did all of these pro athletes get so young?!?!

While he's out of the house, she can do some of those embarrassing beauty routines (WHERE did that gray chin hair come from?! She's 37!) that she will take to her grave.

She doesn't have the dream house in Aspen she's pined (and Pinned!) for, but she's grown to love their rustic (her unkind NYC SIL will call it "primitive") Vermont getaway.

Please tell me you are either

1) the cranky pants poster, or

2) the poster who wrote this on the Post Your DC's Names thread:

You are a Kennedy. You know your way around a rosary and a good gin gimlet. You are comfortable using the argot of sailing and dressage in conversation without sounding pretentious (because it is natural for you). You know what "argot" means and how to pronounce it, even if sometimes you slur it a bit due to affinity for aforementioned gimlets. You and your always-washed children smell faintly of expensive lotion. You often wear linen, because you're not the one to wash and iron your clothes. I may have gone to college with you. I probably even liked you and you me, because you are well-mannered but not stuffy (which I find refreshing) and I am the second generation of a redneck family to go to a fancy undergraduate institution (which you find curious).

If yes, it will make my (really horrible, so far) night.

(The Kennedy post is my all-time single favorite paragraph on DCUM in the last 14+ years.

Or maybe the 17:42 poster is Cranky Pants/Kennedy poster. . .

I’m 17:42. I don’t know who Cranky Pants is (that argot predates my time in DCUMlandia) and I didn’t write the Kennedy post (though I have contributed to the Tell me your kids’ names thread). I sincerely hope your night turns around!! And thank you for your kind words; I’m glad you enjoyed my post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gorsuch

She wanted to marry an NHL player. She met a nice guy in business school (working feels like a distant fever dream now -- the aughts, amirite?) and he plays in a weekly pick-up league. There's more beer-drinking than goal-scoring, but it's good exercise. She sees some of the NHL wives in Arlington now and again, and follows them on Insta - when did all of these pro athletes get so young?!?!

While he's out of the house, she can do some of those embarrassing beauty routines (WHERE did that gray chin hair come from?! She's 37!) that she will take to her grave.

She doesn't have the dream house in Aspen she's pined (and Pinned!) for, but she's grown to love their rustic (her unkind NYC SIL will call it "primitive") Vermont getaway.

Please tell me you are either

1) the cranky pants poster, or

2) the poster who wrote this on the Post Your DC's Names thread:

You are a Kennedy. You know your way around a rosary and a good gin gimlet. You are comfortable using the argot of sailing and dressage in conversation without sounding pretentious (because it is natural for you). You know what "argot" means and how to pronounce it, even if sometimes you slur it a bit due to affinity for aforementioned gimlets. You and your always-washed children smell faintly of expensive lotion. You often wear linen, because you're not the one to wash and iron your clothes. I may have gone to college with you. I probably even liked you and you me, because you are well-mannered but not stuffy (which I find refreshing) and I am the second generation of a redneck family to go to a fancy undergraduate institution (which you find curious).

If yes, it will make my (really horrible, so far) night.

(The Kennedy post is my all-time single favorite paragraph on DCUM in the last 14+ years.

Hi,
Gorsuch story PP here. I’m sorry you’re having a bad night and I am of no help, because I’m not the cranky pants poster or the Kennedy poster. But now I’m intrigued! What’s the cranky pants story? I’ve been here 8 years and it doesn’t ring a bell.

P.S. I don’t ski. I hate skiing.

And what is the Kennedy post?

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP who asked about the Cranky Pants/Kennedy poster. Although neither of you are that poster, you have still made my night with your kind words. You made me feel a little bit better. Carry on with your witty and empathetic selves!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gorsuch

She wanted to marry an NHL player. She met a nice guy in business school (working feels like a distant fever dream now -- the aughts, amirite?) and he plays in a weekly pick-up league. There's more beer-drinking than goal-scoring, but it's good exercise. She sees some of the NHL wives in Arlington now and again, and follows them on Insta - when did all of these pro athletes get so young?!?!

While he's out of the house, she can do some of those embarrassing beauty routines (WHERE did that gray chin hair come from?! She's 37!) that she will take to her grave.

She doesn't have the dream house in Aspen she's pined (and Pinned!) for, but she's grown to love their rustic (her unkind NYC SIL will call it "primitive") Vermont getaway.

Please tell me you are either

1) the cranky pants poster, or

2) the poster who wrote this on the Post Your DC's Names thread:

You are a Kennedy. You know your way around a rosary and a good gin gimlet. You are comfortable using the argot of sailing and dressage in conversation without sounding pretentious (because it is natural for you). You know what "argot" means and how to pronounce it, even if sometimes you slur it a bit due to affinity for aforementioned gimlets. You and your always-washed children smell faintly of expensive lotion. You often wear linen, because you're not the one to wash and iron your clothes. I may have gone to college with you. I probably even liked you and you me, because you are well-mannered but not stuffy (which I find refreshing) and I am the second generation of a redneck family to go to a fancy undergraduate institution (which you find curious).

If yes, it will make my (really horrible, so far) night.

(The Kennedy post is my all-time single favorite paragraph on DCUM in the last 14+ years.

Hi,
Gorsuch story PP here. I’m sorry you’re having a bad night and I am of no help, because I’m not the cranky pants poster or the Kennedy poster. But now I’m intrigued! What’s the cranky pants story? I’ve been here 8 years and it doesn’t ring a bell.

P.S. I don’t ski. I hate skiing.

And what is the Kennedy post?

The #2 quote above.

[Anonymous]

Here's the Cranky Pants thread. A classic from 2009.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/74707.page

[Anonymous]

Ladies (or gentlemen), I hope some of you are freelance writers. There is some serious skill in here! Thanks for sharing your talents to entertain the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middleburg Tack Exchange

A few distinct groups here:

- Tourists buying items because they're reminiscent of "quintessential Middleburg" (probably the smallest of the groups listed)

- 30-something gay men visiting Middleburg from NYC or DC who run lifestyle Instagrams and like to cosplay as "high society" from around 1920-1950. They don't have any experience riding horses or hunting (in the vast majority of instances), but the Middleburg trip sure does make for AMAZING aspirational lifestyle photos! If they don't visit The Inn at Little Washington and mention it on the 'gram, the trip never happened. They may appear pretentious, but are usually good guys.

- 30-something straight women. Similar to the gay men when it comes to the aspirational content (though their's is lacking in quality and is very much a 3rd rate production in comparison; also more likely to be unpaid work), but wayyyyy meaner and nastier, even to one another once the alcohol starts flowing. Probably drunk on wine from the nearby vineyards and rude to the shopkeepers. One member of the group will probably break down crying at some point and the rest have to comfort her and get her an Uber home.

- The empty-nester men and women who moved to Middleburg after getting tired of the Big Law grind because they genuinely love horses and hunting. They hate all the other groups and are friends with the MTE owners. They also retain PT Of Counsel positions in their respective law firms because WHY would you turn off that gravy train?

- Middle-aged SAHMs who FINALLY got away from their kiddos and not-so-dear husbands (because Larlo promised her LAST week that he was gonna watch the kids, so she planned the Middleburg girls' trip and then had to reschedule because he had a socially-distant golf game with a client. But hey, this is what she signed up for when she became an Executive's wife). It's girls' weekend and they just had lunch at the Red Fox Inn and are excited to go for their group horseback riding lesson. But first -- securing the proper attire! Off to MTE they go. They're very nice to the shopkeepers and staff, even if Larla's 5YO son DID try to FaceTime her 7 times in a row because Paw Patrol had a funny scene on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rachel Comey

OMFG. If you ask our Rachel Comey-wearing lady "who are you wearing?" and she hears "Wow, I didn't know that James Comey's wife/daughter was in FASHION! Very cool! #supportlocal" ONE MORE TIME she will flip!

This woman is the main character of her life and cares little what people think of her life choices. She comes from extremely old money in NYC; her father was an artist and her mother was an actress, so she's very creative. She teaches kindergarten art in an inner-city school because she loves children and because she doesn't need the money. She's extremely left wing and intellectual, and is currently working through a biography of Baudelaire, The Jakarta Method by Vincent Bevins, and an obscure book about the origins of TRUE progressive political philosophy in the US.

She has a beautiful house on Capitol Hill, where she lives with her life partner, a man she met in college, who retired from working as a Senator and now tends to his literal tomato garden. They have a complicated explanation for why they never married, which boils down to "marriage is an oppressive, patriarchal institution." In that respect, her time in Paris after college definitely influenced her line of thinking.

She donates a lot of money to GGW and will happily advocate for more bike lanes, but what she'll never tell you is that she has a gas guzzling SUV in her hidden garage that she loves taking road trips in with her grandchildren. She considers the fact that her only son works for the Trump administration to be her biggest failure in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love this thread, and some of these brands I’ve never heard of, but are still cracking me up.

...Sezanne

Early 40s woman who finally broke free of her oppressive career as an ER doctor (which she took on solely to satisfy her immigrant parents), divorced her boring husband, and is now FREE and living for herself! She just finished the 1-year program at Le Cordon Bleu, but is back in Washington as she figures out her next move. Thanks to her boring ex-husband's prudent spending habits and excellent 401k management, she took an early retirement, rode the market highs, and is financially free. She's thinking of opening a small, hole-in-the-wall restaurant and recently got a dog. Or she may pursue an interior design degree. Whatever she does, sister's doing it for herself and is finally happy with her choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:M.M. La Fleur

I spend a lot of time on Instagram—in between living my #bestlife, I mean! I seize every day and every opportunity—for a great adventure, for making memories with my squad, for snagging a new pic for my Tinder profile. I’ve never actually nailed a presentation to a c-suite board and then gone out for rooftop cocktails with a flock of male models, but I am TOTALLY ready! Any day now! I’ve made up for the total lack of professional female role models in my life by fixating on Sex & the City and The Devil Wears Prada, which means I have a pretty good idea of what a boss babe looks like. I grew up wearing Juicy tracksuits and Banana Republic, so it seems totally reasonable to me to spend $300 on a unlined poly-blend dress with no tailoring and poor fit. Secretly, I know that my friends are soooo jealous of me!

[Anonymous]

Whoever wore this get-up:

[Anonymous]

Brora