Should we travel to see grandparents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I may be your parent's age. Can you social distance when you arrive? Do you have to stay with your parents? Would their house allow you to social distance? How long has it been since you've seen your parents? Six months, a year? If close to a year, you need to see them. Either way, I think it's a reasonable idea. Do you have a spouse to go along? I would be cautious before but I won't obcess on 2 week quarantine before. Break the trip into 3 days. Stay at a Residence Inn where you can cook your own meals. Take canned goods, other food you can fix. Bathroom in the woods. Girls wear a skirt. No hugs when you get there. Make sure your parents are serious re: social distancing. Tell them that's the price of you coming. I would go. I imagine your parents really want you to come, but ask. If they say yes, assume it's important enough to them to take the risk.

Can you provide any back up for this statement? Oh right, there is none.

NP. My mother’s mental health is suffering. Frankly, so is mine. I have a newborn at home, As well as an older child, and the isolation for the past 4.5 months has exasperated PPD for me. So, we will be seeing grandparents. They are comfortable with the risks.

can you rent an RV for the trip?

They are local.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are also taking a 16 hour trip to take our two kids see my parents. We have done a complete 2 week quarantine, are bringing Travel John disposable potties, staying in a cabin for a night halfway (and renting for 2 nights and leaving it vacant the first night). We have identified state and county parks to stop at along the way if we need them and are bringing all of our own food. We have no plans to go into any public restrooms or any indoor spaces besides our cabin.

My parents (late 60s) are also intensively quarantining. We have no plans to leave their house once we arrive and will wear n95s the first few days we are there.

There’s always a non-zero risk of getting us or them sick but my parents share our risk assessment and really want to see the grandkids and I want to see my parents.. There’s also a non-zero risk that my parents will have a heart attack or get sick for non-COVID reasons. So we are giving it a try.

OP here. This is basically in line with what we were thinking of doing. I agree with you that there is zero-risk situation -- for COVID or not. Still not sure if we will do it or not because of all the logistical nightmares of planning to make it as safe as can be, but we're still thinking of it.

[Anonymous]

My parents live about 40 min away and are in their 70s - we haven't seen them since March. But we are now going to stay with them for a few weeks. We have been very very cautious since this all began (no play dates, no eating in restaurants, no travel, etc) and I just got a test to be safe (I realize it is not foolproof, but it is at least something). It was their call. They desperately miss their grandkids. So we are going and figure they will be so tired of them after 2 weeks that they won't want to see us for another 6 months.

[Anonymous]

Serious question:

How does quarantining for 2 weeks ensure that everyone is safe? Lets say you get the virus somewhere right before you quarantine and it takes your body 5 To 7 days to contract it. But you are asymptomatic or have seasonal allergies so you don’t know you have it. Couldn’t you still give it to the grandparents?

My DH wants to do the same thing but I’m also afraid of getting it from the grandparents and all the people visiting them. They have people flying to see them, driving and not quarantining and seeing them, etc.

[Anonymous]

For everyone who is pro visit or has visited their own family, does everyone wear masks inside? Do you all eat meals together? We are considering this but everyone wants to eat meals right next to each other, socialize normally in the same house (10 people or so, including people in their 70s-90s) which I think is crazy. But everyone is pooh poohing my concerns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question:

How does quarantining for 2 weeks ensure that everyone is safe? Lets say you get the virus somewhere right before you quarantine and it takes your body 5 To 7 days to contract it. But you are asymptomatic or have seasonal allergies so you don’t know you have it. Couldn’t you still give it to the grandparents?

My DH wants to do the same thing but I’m also afraid of getting it from the grandparents and all the people visiting them. They have people flying to see them, driving and not quarantining and seeing them, etc.

It doesn't ensure everyone is safe. You have to determine your risk tolerance. Nothing is risk free unless you stay isolated in your home with no other human contact. If you avoid activities that are moderate to high-risk for 2-3 weeks, your risk of catching it and then transmitting it is relatively low. Not risk free. But if your concern is visiting someone who has lots of visitors, then that seems to be a higher risk activity to me. It was my understanding OP was concerned about bringing the virus to her parents, not catching it from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are also taking a 16 hour trip to take our two kids see my parents. We have done a complete 2 week quarantine, are bringing Travel John disposable potties, staying in a cabin for a night halfway (and renting for 2 nights and leaving it vacant the first night). We have identified state and county parks to stop at along the way if we need them and are bringing all of our own food. We have no plans to go into any public restrooms or any indoor spaces besides our cabin.

My parents (late 60s) are also intensively quarantining. We have no plans to leave their house once we arrive and will wear n95s the first few days we are there.

There’s always a non-zero risk of getting us or them sick but my parents share our risk assessment and really want to see the grandkids and I want to see my parents.. There’s also a non-zero risk that my parents will have a heart attack or get sick for non-COVID reasons. So we are giving it a try.

What will you use the state parks for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For everyone who is pro visit or has visited their own family, does everyone wear masks inside? Do you all eat meals together? We are considering this but everyone wants to eat meals right next to each other, socialize normally in the same house (10 people or so, including people in their 70s-90s) which I think is crazy. But everyone is pooh poohing my concerns.

I just posted- we are visiting my parents in their 70s, but they do not do anything other than very low risk activities (grocery store) and do not have visitors. My family is the same. And I just got a COVID test. None of this is risk free, but we feel that the risk is low enough that we can visit them (and them alone- no other visitors) for a few weeks. I am still incredibly nervous that one of us may be infected and give it to them, but this is ultimately their call. They miss their grandkids terribly and we miss them. We feel that the risk is low enough that we will hopefully be ok (without masks).

If my parents were having other visitors regularly to the house, we would not be visiting them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For everyone who is pro visit or has visited their own family, does everyone wear masks inside? Do you all eat meals together? We are considering this but everyone wants to eat meals right next to each other, socialize normally in the same house (10 people or so, including people in their 70s-90s) which I think is crazy. But everyone is pooh poohing my concerns.

I just posted- we are visiting my parents in their 70s, but they do not do anything other than very low risk activities (grocery store) and do not have visitors. My family is the same. And I just got a COVID test. None of this is risk free, but we feel that the risk is low enough that we can visit them (and them alone- no other visitors) for a few weeks. I am still incredibly nervous that one of us may be infected and give it to them, but this is ultimately their call. They miss their grandkids terribly and we miss them. We feel that the risk is low enough that we will hopefully be ok (without masks).

If my parents were having other visitors regularly to the house, we would not be visiting them.

Same. This is ultimately their call, IMO. Grandparents are (usually) old, and dealing with mortality in a different way from someone who is 40.

Covid aside, there is no guarantee that the grandparent you are visiting will be alive in a year. My dad passed away a few years ago suddenly. My mom would rather take the (limited) risks than live in a bubble for a full year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question:

How does quarantining for 2 weeks ensure that everyone is safe? Lets say you get the virus somewhere right before you quarantine and it takes your body 5 To 7 days to contract it. But you are asymptomatic or have seasonal allergies so you don’t know you have it. Couldn’t you still give it to the grandparents?

My DH wants to do the same thing but I’m also afraid of getting it from the grandparents and all the people visiting them. They have people flying to see them, driving and not quarantining and seeing them, etc.

It's not totally no-risk, but it eliminates most chances. There is the slim chance that one of you in the family got it and is asymptomatic and could infect the others. Probably quarantining for 4 weeks would be better because it would mean extremely slim chances of anyone having it and spreading it to others. But if you haven't been doing much even before quarantine, you can probably say with fairly good certainty that you aren't infected. For example, we did a playdate with my older son and a friend outdoors and wearing masks. The chances are already low, but if neither he nor anyone in his friend's family don't become sick in the next two weeks, and neither does my family, I would feel pretty confident that none of us have it.

Personally, we have grandparents who are local and are seeing them. I'm not sure if I could travel, but I wouldn't think it's much additional risk than seeing locally if you take precautions along the way. My parents live near us, and they're grocery shopping, etc., so it's not like there is no risk. We aren't doing anything more than that ourselves, so I don't feel like we're introducing many more germs to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Genuinely not understanding why people think there is such a risk of infecting them. Did you all read what I said? We would be quarantining for 2 weeks ahead of time. Like, literally not even going to the grocery store. The only risk point I see is the possibility of having to go to the bathroom along the way, and I said we're thinking of bringing a portapotty.

To date, we have been exceedingly cautious -- way more cautious than all the other people I know. Are those of you who are saying this not doing the things I'm seeing my friends do here (that we have NOT been doing) -- like sending your kids to camp, going to the pool, meeting up with friends, etc?

It’s still a risk, OP, an unnecessary risk. My family and I are not doing any of the things you listed and still not doing any traveling.

Yes, we all read what you wrote.

+1. And canceled two summer vacation trips

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I may be your parent's age. Can you social distance when you arrive? Do you have to stay with your parents? Would their house allow you to social distance? How long has it been since you've seen your parents? Six months, a year? If close to a year, you need to see them. Either way, I think it's a reasonable idea. Do you have a spouse to go along? I would be cautious before but I won't obcess on 2 week quarantine before. Break the trip into 3 days. Stay at a Residence Inn where you can cook your own meals. Take canned goods, other food you can fix. Bathroom in the woods. Girls wear a skirt. No hugs when you get there. Make sure your parents are serious re: social distancing. Tell them that's the price of you coming. I would go. I imagine your parents really want you to come, but ask. If they say yes, assume it's important enough to them to take the risk.

Can you provide any back up for this statement? Oh right, there is none.

NP. My mother’s mental health is suffering. Frankly, so is mine. I have a newborn at home, As well as an older child, and the isolation for the past 4.5 months has exasperated PPD for me. So, we will be seeing grandparents. They are comfortable with the risks.

Well then according to PP you should be fine. It's at the year mark that you don't need to be concerned about the virus anymore and you can travel.

[Anonymous]

That's not what the pp said

[Anonymous]

We're giving opinions. Many of us have opinions that seeing parents once a year is essential.

[Anonymous]

The problem is that there is no clear guidance and no one really knows. Some people on this thread are saying things about people who travel thinking the "rules don't apply" to them. But there are no "rules" about this.

If restaurants and pools are open, then how can be unsafe to pump gas and pee in a portable toilet? Wouldn't you have to pump gas while on your way to the restaurant or pool even if it's local? Even if you aren't going to a restaurant, what about getting takeout? Most of these other things increase your risk way more than traveling with extremely minimal contact and then meeting with grandparents who also have been taking serious precautions.

Each person has their own level of risk they are comfortable with. Most of the things I'm seeing in this discussion are not about going out to public places and risking others getting sick but taking extreme precautions to prevent spread while seeing family members. I don't think it's a one-size-fits-all for whether to travel or not, but there's no need for yelling at people who want to see their parents/grandparents.