I’ve already donated most of my kids (early) Christmas presents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering what kind of 'experience' an almost-three-year old should receive as a gift in lieu of a plastic toy from Target.. A sky-diving certificate? Tickets to the opera? All-expenses paid vacation in Europe?

Movie tickets? Gift card to a play area / museum near their house? Ballet or tumbling lessons? Swimming pass for parent and toddler? Money to take the while family to Brookside gardens to see the lights, or to Gaylord National? Books?

OK, honestly, would your 4 yearold be excited to open up a present that says "good for one visit to a garden"?

I think you are projecting what YOU want on your kids.

+1 at 3/4 'experience' gifts are more for the parents than the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering what kind of 'experience' an almost-three-year old should receive as a gift in lieu of a plastic toy from Target.. A sky-diving certificate? Tickets to the opera? All-expenses paid vacation in Europe?

Movie tickets? Gift card to a play area / museum near their house? Ballet or tumbling lessons? Swimming pass for parent and toddler? Money to take the while family to Brookside gardens to see the lights, or to Gaylord National? Books?

OK, honestly, would your 4 yearold be excited to open up a present that says "good for one visit to a garden"?

I think you are projecting what YOU want on your kids.

+1, 000,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids have received gifts from 2 sets of grandparents, and they’ve already been donated. My boys are 4 and almost 3, and they didn’t even blink an eye at the gifts or pay them any attention.

The grandparents insist on toys, not experiences. They asked for an Amazon list which I provided with LOTS of options and price points.

I set the gifts aside for a couple days to see if they’d notice them or play with them or ask for them. It’s been a few days and they haven’t.

I’ve donated them on Buy Nothing and the recipients are thrilled.

Anyone else already frustrated with gifts?

What experience did you want them to buy instead?

???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have asked my DH and kids to buy their own presents. Hopefully this means that there will not be any returning of the gifts. I cannot deal with the buying of gifts and then the returning of gifts. It is all so stupid.

Wow. Hope you enjoy being alone. It’s coming.

[Anonymous]

OP, what gifts did you buy your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids have received gifts from 2 sets of grandparents, and they’ve already been donated. My boys are 4 and almost 3, and they didn’t even blink an eye at the gifts or pay them any attention.

The grandparents insist on toys, not experiences. They asked for an Amazon list which I provided with LOTS of options and price points.

I set the gifts aside for a couple days to see if they’d notice them or play with them or ask for them. It’s been a few days and they haven’t.

I’ve donated them on Buy Nothing and the recipients are thrilled.

Anyone else already frustrated with gifts?

What experience did you want them to buy instead?

???

This is what is bizarre. OP gave grandparents and Amazon gift list. OP provided the gifts she wanted for the kids. OP let the kids open them early and then trashed them. Why not say no and not offer a list or give a list of "experiences."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids have received gifts from 2 sets of grandparents, and they’ve already been donated. My boys are 4 and almost 3, and they didn’t even blink an eye at the gifts or pay them any attention.

The grandparents insist on toys, not experiences. They asked for an Amazon list which I provided with LOTS of options and price points.

I set the gifts aside for a couple days to see if they’d notice them or play with them or ask for them. It’s been a few days and they haven’t.

I’ve donated them on Buy Nothing and the recipients are thrilled.

Anyone else already frustrated with gifts?

What experience did you want them to buy instead?

???

This is what is bizarre. OP gave grandparents and Amazon gift list. OP provided the gifts she wanted for the kids. OP let the kids open them early and then trashed them. Why not say no and not offer a list or give a list of "experiences."

NP. Grandparents asked for but did not shop from the OP's amazon wish list. Gifts were opened early because grandparents were visiting and wanted to see the kids open the presents because they would be elsewhere for Christmas. Gifts turned out to be baby toys (I'm assuming since the kids are little and OP said they are several years below their age level) and the kids weren't that interested in them. Then OP donated them to others and expressed frustration at, after having offered lots of ideas, an uninteresting toy that was taking up space.

Having a MIL who means well but does something similar, I kind of get the frustration but also agree that it just needs to be accepted and handled. My MIL is darling and generous beyond belief, and shows love through presents. Lots and lots of presents, and we have a >900 sf home. She will repeatedly ask for ideas, I'll ask my child and pass the ideas along, MIL will be skeptical that she "really" wants what she said she wants, and will instead buy a huge amount of lovingly chosen but wildly off the mark presents. Yes they were gifts of love and we love her so much. And yes I'm certain from years of hanging on to things just in case dd gets interested in them at some point... that she's not going to get interested. Even when I've tried to engage her on rainy days to get down some of the many craft kits or puzzles to choose from, she always asks if we can do something else instead.

So we share them with families who will put them to good use and are glad to be able to do it. No hard feelings though - people mean well with presents and we can't let our happiness depend on whether people gift us with something that will be valuable to us beyond the sentiment expressed in sharing it with us in the first place. We are lucky and we have enough.

It can be hard not to be heard by the people you care about. Hoping the OP can see beyond the frustration to enjoy the holiday.

[Anonymous]

I don’t mean to be snarky, but no, I can’t relate. My child will only get the gifts I buy. He only has two living grandparents. One gives me $25 to buy a gift and the other will give him $50”for college”. My siblings don’t give gifts to anyone beyond their own kids.

I get your frustration, but I hope you keep it in perspective.

[Anonymous]

You sound so bratty, OP. Our apartment is full to the brim and the baby gifts never stop coming. I would not mind if grandparents gave it a rest with the gift giving, but they like shopping for their grandkid, so who cares? For this to annoy you enough to post a random rant on a message board makes me think you must be kind of a miserable person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here back again.

I completely acknowledge that my post is from a place of privilege. I know how lucky we are to have family and gifts.

THAT ASIDE...because this post was meant to be a discussion.

The gifts were not from the amazon list. They were random gifts. And they were much more expensive than experiences.

When the boys opened them, I encouraged them to say thank you and be excited. We played with the toys and were very grateful. We’ll send thank you cards.

At home, I put the toys in the corner with the other toys. My boys never touched them. So, I’ve donated them.

I don’t get how that makes me terrible. I’m just trying to talk to other parents about gifts.

This is fine. Passive aggressive, but fine.

[Anonymous]

Your one-chance-at-the-holiday-and-then-it-gets-donated policy is really rather ridiculous. It's as if I gave you 10 of the Best Books of the Year, and because you selected one to read, I took the other nine to the garbage dump. Or I gave you two sweaters, and because you wore one of them, I insisted you must hate the other one.

There's a lot of aggression behind what you are doing. Time to think about cycles of disappointment and anger you may have experienced during holidays as a child and what you are re-enacting here. This isn't about your kids, I suspect.

[Anonymous]

Wow these responses strike me as nuts. Yes, op, I've absolutely donated gifts basically upon opening. My kids never noticed. Sometimes when they were little I opened them before they did (if they were mailed to us) and donated before kids even saw them. We have a small apartment and kids have tons of toys here and at school. They're totally happy kids and hopefully the recipients of the donated toys were happy, too. Or maybe they regifted, also. Whatever!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what I have realized with my parents is they don't want to order things online. They are mistrustful of that whole process...putting your credit card in, etc.

Just a thought why maybe your Amazon list is getting ignored.

At the very least, stop bothering with the list I guess if they're going to ignore it.

But to relate to you, yes my parents have gotten my kids many gifts that bear no relation to who they are, their age, or what they are interested in. They've gotten them clothes that are wildly the wrong size. They show zero thought and my kids don't play with the gifts.

What can you do. Say thanks and move on.

This is exactly my parents. I’ve never seen it put so well. My mother just wants to buy and give lots and lots of useless crap that bears “no relation to who they are, their age, or what they’re interested in. They show zero thought and my kids don’t play with the gifts.”

What can you do, indeed. I’ve tried Amazon wish lists. I’ve tried shipping gifts to her for her to give. But the pile of useless stuff and wrong-size clothes continues.

The one thing that really irks me is that the gifts get opened making donation tough (yes, I still give them to charity but a lot of the toy drives understandably want new toys).

I think OP didn’t phrase her post well. If the toys are wildly off-base (e.g., toddler toys for my 9yo), then they don’t really need to sit around for months for me to know my kids won’t play with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids have received gifts from 2 sets of grandparents, and they’ve already been donated. My boys are 4 and almost 3, and they didn’t even blink an eye at the gifts or pay them any attention.

The grandparents insist on toys, not experiences. They asked for an Amazon list which I provided with LOTS of options and price points.

I set the gifts aside for a couple days to see if they’d notice them or play with them or ask for them. It’s been a few days and they haven’t.

I’ve donated them on Buy Nothing and the recipients are thrilled.

Anyone else already frustrated with gifts?

What experience did you want them to buy instead?

???

This is what is bizarre. OP gave grandparents and Amazon gift list. OP provided the gifts she wanted for the kids. OP let the kids open them early and then trashed them. Why not say no and not offer a list or give a list of "experiences."

NP. Grandparents asked for but did not shop from the OP's amazon wish list. Gifts were opened early because grandparents were visiting and wanted to see the kids open the presents because they would be elsewhere for Christmas. Gifts turned out to be baby toys (I'm assuming since the kids are little and OP said they are several years below their age level) and the kids weren't that interested in them. Then OP donated them to others and expressed frustration at, after having offered lots of ideas, an uninteresting toy that was taking up space.

Having a MIL who means well but does something similar, I kind of get the frustration but also agree that it just needs to be accepted and handled. My MIL is darling and generous beyond belief, and shows love through presents. Lots and lots of presents, and we have a >900 sf home. She will repeatedly ask for ideas, I'll ask my child and pass the ideas along, MIL will be skeptical that she "really" wants what she said she wants, and will instead buy a huge amount of lovingly chosen but wildly off the mark presents. Yes they were gifts of love and we love her so much. And yes I'm certain from years of hanging on to things just in case dd gets interested in them at some point... that she's not going to get interested. Even when I've tried to engage her on rainy days to get down some of the many craft kits or puzzles to choose from, she always asks if we can do something else instead.

So we share them with families who will put them to good use and are glad to be able to do it. No hard feelings though - people mean well with presents and we can't let our happiness depend on whether people gift us with something that will be valuable to us beyond the sentiment expressed in sharing it with us in the first place. We are lucky and we have enough.

It can be hard not to be heard by the people you care about. Hoping the OP can see beyond the frustration to enjoy the holiday.

Yes! Exactly this. I still love the holiday. I just came to DCUM to share, like many others do. My holiday isn't ruined, at all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here back again.

I completely acknowledge that my post is from a place of privilege. I know how lucky we are to have family and gifts.

THAT ASIDE...because this post was meant to be a discussion.

The gifts were not from the amazon list. They were random gifts. And they were much more expensive than experiences.

When the boys opened them, I encouraged them to say thank you and be excited. We played with the toys and were very grateful. We’ll send thank you cards.

At home, I put the toys in the corner with the other toys. My boys never touched them. So, I’ve donated them.

I don’t get how that makes me terrible. I’m just trying to talk to other parents about gifts.

I would have waited more than a few days. Sometimes kids find something in their basket months later and it is a best toy for them at that time and becomes a favorite.