I wish I could stay home for a year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I can relate to how you are feeling. It’s been crazy for us as well and we have long commutes too. It sounds like you will be fine financially if you take a break esp since you have no mortgage and your insurance is already covered by DH. My only suggestion is that you should keep your younger child in daycare so that you can truly get a break.

Thank you! We actually have a nanny because my younger child has had health issues. He is doing better now, and we have been planning to transition him to daycare in a few months. However, if I were to stay home, I would keep him home with me. He is enrolled in a preschool two mornings per week, and next fall it will be 3 mornings per week. Between that and gym daycare, I would get the time I need (and I could supplement with a babysitter as needed). Part of what I want is more time with my kids. Within the past year, I lost my mother, my grandmother, and my stepsister. It has made me confront how very short life is, and how I have a limited amount of time with my children.

That is a tremendous hit in one year. Are you seeing a grief counselor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not helpful, as hindsight is 20/20, but why did you decide to ramp up at work with such young children?

During the daycare years, I was really conscious about keeping the job that gave me the flexibility I needed.

Frankly, and I know this is also not helpful, but your husband sounds like a jerk. I'd say the same if the shoe were on the other foot and he were dealing with health crap while you expected him to continue to work.

You need to think about the long game and build your life accordingly. Keep in mind that you are likely to feel overwhelmed during the elementary school years as well - homework you'll have to help your kids with after a long day, sports practices, weekend games, carpools, other non-sport activities, and so on. It is not uncommon for there to be 12+ snow days called by FCPS. I know quite a few families that had to get an au pair or hire a nanny for elementary aged kids for these reasons.

OP here, and I used to own a business. For a variety of reasons, it was time to shut it down, so I needed to find a new job-- I didn't want a gap on my resume. The place where I landed happened to be a fantastic opportunity for me-- the "ramping up" was not necessarily intentional. I do have some flexibility in that I can come and go as I please, and no one gives me a hard time about being out for an event at my kid's school, a doctor's appointment, etc. Telecommuting is not part of our office culture, though, so people only do it on an as-needed basis (plumber is coming today, waiting for a delivery, etc.).

I'm sure I made my husband sound like a jerk, but he is actually a pretty great and thoughtful spouse. My health issues were previously not a big deal/were under control, so these are more recent developments. I think he would support me staying home for a year-- we have even discussed the idea of him being the one to stay home for a year or two, until our youngest is in kindergarten. My biggest concern with taking a year off is that it might be difficult for me to re-enter the workforce considering that I'm on a new career path (it will be 2 years in March).

Use your flexibility to take some time for yourself. Massage, acupuncture, exercise during the week over your lunch break.

OP here and I need to be better about doing this. Once I'm in the office, it is so hard to pull myself away because there is so much to do.

How do people pull off the lunch break work out? I don't normally even take a lunch break, but I could start. It would be 10 minutes to change and get to the gym, 30-45 minutes to workout, so we are at 40-55 minutes already. That leaves 5-20 minutes to shower, make myself presentable, and then get back to work. I just don't see how that's possible.

Do a 30 minute cardio and count the time you spent getting there as a warm up? Have a quick shower (don’t wash hair) and throw some lipstick on. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Re: putting aside time at work, this is about the mental change. It sounds like you have a bit of the stickler inside of you — nothing is worth doing unless it’s done right — and control, I have to do everything. This will burn you out whether you work or SAH. You have to accept that some things will be good enough and if you don’t do it maybe that will be ok. I highly recommend the book Positive Intelligence, you can take the quiz online to identify your inner saboteurs who sap your energy. Start to really work with priorities. That will increase the respect you get at work also, because you will lead from a sense of what is important. In this case it sounds like any time you spend making energy and taking care of your burnout will pay huge dividends in terms of your ability to function in work and at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We ALL need a break. Why is your situation so different than anyone else?

I'm not the OP but took a new career path about 5 years ago. It's very lucrative and I've saved a lot. However, given the demands of the job, I have a chronic health condition that is out of control and I've ended up in the ER 3 times in the last 18 months.

I've realized that I cannot do this job and care for my health. Yet don't have the courage (yet) to leave.

Yes, the point is every single person has some issues we have to work through. Mental, physical, family...etc. we all do including you and I.

NP here. Of course we all handle our various life hurdles, but look how many people on this board alone are saying they could use a break. So many of us are stressed and feel like we don’t have enough time to get everything done.

Maybe the current system is broken for modern day life. I am excited about the work being overseas to switch to a shorter work week. I hope this is a sign of how things evolve over here too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I cannot believe what I read here. Women wanting to throw away their careers so they can...catch up on laundry and dishes? Organize a closet of paperwork? Ladies, COME ON! Put aside a few thousand dollars a year and hire someone. There are plenty of morning housekeepers who can keep the house under control. And for those papers- hire an organizer. Recognize that 1) you cannot do it all yourself and 2) just bc you cannot do it all yourself you don’t have to quit. Hire someone. Hire more help than you think you need.

100% agree. A man wouldn't contemplate leaving the workforce under conditions OP described. Ladies, if you don't want to work, then don't work. But then don't come crying to the rest of us hauling ass that you can't get a good position once you are ready to return to the workforce. Wah wah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I can relate to how you are feeling. It’s been crazy for us as well and we have long commutes too. It sounds like you will be fine financially if you take a break esp since you have no mortgage and your insurance is already covered by DH. My only suggestion is that you should keep your younger child in daycare so that you can truly get a break.

Thank you! We actually have a nanny because my younger child has had health issues. He is doing better now, and we have been planning to transition him to daycare in a few months. However, if I were to stay home, I would keep him home with me. He is enrolled in a preschool two mornings per week, and next fall it will be 3 mornings per week. Between that and gym daycare, I would get the time I need (and I could supplement with a babysitter as needed). Part of what I want is more time with my kids. Within the past year, I lost my mother, my grandmother, and my stepsister. It has made me confront how very short life is, and how I have a limited amount of time with my children.

That is a tremendous hit in one year. Are you seeing a grief counselor?

No, i'm not. I suppose I should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound burnt out. Before making any decisions, you need to just take a week off for yourself. One week vacation, keep the kids in childcare, and just rest. You’ll be clearer headed.

+1. Two weeks if possible and to somewhere beautiful and sunny. It will help with perspective as well.

[Anonymous]

Stay home then. I left my career for 2 years and was rehired after my first interview. After 5 years I left again for 2 years and was immediately rehired as soon as I said I wanted to work again. I'm in a technical field where technology changes constantly and there wasn't any issue with getting back into my field. No one ever questioned why I left. I'm so glad I did what I wanted to do and enjoyed my time focused on my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This post is sad. You’re killing yourself slowly so that you can add more numbers to your bank account.

stfu

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I cannot believe what I read here. Women wanting to throw away their careers so they can...catch up on laundry and dishes? Organize a closet of paperwork? Ladies, COME ON! Put aside a few thousand dollars a year and hire someone. There are plenty of morning housekeepers who can keep the house under control. And for those papers- hire an organizer. Recognize that 1) you cannot do it all yourself and 2) just bc you cannot do it all yourself you don’t have to quit. Hire someone. Hire more help than you think you need.

You are completely missing the point. There comes a time in some people's lives when the career stops being meaningful and fulfilling and instead is an albatross that slowly destroys the family. At that point you aren't "throwing away" a career, you are killing the albatross and reclaiming your life.

Yes! This person gets it! Yes. "Throwing away careers!!!!" is a 22 yr old's answer (or someone with the maturity equiv). Honesty about about how once-loved careers can become empty and cancerous to the point that big unexpected changes need to be made -- welcome to 40 yrs old. And yes, it is about reclaiming your life.

Yeah except for some people their career is not just a means of personal fulfillment. It pays the bills, puts food on the table, pays for their children’s education, personal retirement, etc. Every woman does not have a dh that makes enough money so that they can decide to leave a career that’s ‘not fulfilling.’ Mine does but at least I can see outside of my little bubble, unlike you PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I cannot believe what I read here. Women wanting to throw away their careers so they can...catch up on laundry and dishes? Organize a closet of paperwork? Ladies, COME ON! Put aside a few thousand dollars a year and hire someone. There are plenty of morning housekeepers who can keep the house under control. And for those papers- hire an organizer. Recognize that 1) you cannot do it all yourself and 2) just bc you cannot do it all yourself you don’t have to quit. Hire someone. Hire more help than you think you need.

You are completely missing the point. There comes a time in some people's lives when the career stops being meaningful and fulfilling and instead is an albatross that slowly destroys the family. At that point you aren't "throwing away" a career, you are killing the albatross and reclaiming your life.

Yes! This person gets it! Yes. "Throwing away careers!!!!" is a 22 yr old's answer (or someone with the maturity equiv). Honesty about about how once-loved careers can become empty and cancerous to the point that big unexpected changes need to be made -- welcome to 40 yrs old. And yes, it is about reclaiming your life.

Yeah except for some people their career is not just a means of personal fulfillment. It pays the bills, puts food on the table, pays for their children’s education, personal retirement, etc. Every woman does not have a dh that makes enough money so that they can decide to leave a career that’s ‘not fulfilling.’ Mine does but at least I can see outside of my little bubble, unlike you PP!

But OP doesn’t fall in that category. Her salary is not needed to pay the bills, so she has the luxury of deciding whether she finds her work fulfilling enough to stay, or whether to quit and focus on her health and family. I am a WOHM who has that same luxury of choice but I’ve (rightly or wrongly) chosen to stay.

[Anonymous]

I’d challenge the idea that she can afford to take a break. I think that is out of touch. I get that folks who make less may think that but it’s not that much money to be making now when you need to be saving and planning. It’s not just about being able to afford life when you’re healthy in your prime. It’s about making all the money in your prime that you need for all of life. How many old folks say they didn’t realize how they’d be forced out of work early and can’t work later.

[Anonymous]

Me too op. Me too. But I can’t. I have responsibilities - kids, family, savings...etc. and I take them seriously.

[Anonymous]

People here act like it's all or nothing--work 80 hour weeks or be a 100% SAHM.

Depending on your field, you may be able to find something that is flexible or something that lets you ease back in to work. Op, if you tell us your field and/or your skills/experience, we may be able to come up with such a solution.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you should take the year off. But, re: exercise: You don't need to do an hour a day!! You really really don't. Plenty of fit people you see and know don't exercise that much. And you DON'T need to wake up at 4:30 am to exercise!! Missing sleep is probably worse for your health. You can be perfectly fit and healthy with only 15 minutes of reasonably intense exercise a day, which you can fit in at lots of different times, instead of at 5 am. You could also do something like set a goal for yourself of 3 sets of push ups and 3 sets of 50 jumping jacks everyday and just do them as you can fit them in throughout the day. Don't set yourself up for failure by thinking you need an hour in the gym!

[Anonymous]

I would be hesitant to do that. I stayed home for a year and it made me want to go back even less.

The problem is, you get used to being able to make your own schedule, not have any set obligations or a boss, lots of freedom, etc. and it really effing rocks.

Going back to work after that super sucks.