Another piece on entitled parents in independent schools and Sidwell by The Atlantic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The most shocking thing in this thread is the suggestion that the SFS administration has pressured teachers to change grades for children of prominent parents -- obviously to the disadvantage of the rest of the students. If this is true, it is a scandal.

+1000. This is the same as cheating on the SAT in the Rick Singer college admissions scandal. Sidwell is basically selling higher grades to those who can pay. Given the connection of Rick Singer to Sidwell, it now makes me wonder whether some of the college admissions in Sidwell are also suspect. Sidwell college admissions should be investigated by the Feds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are a couple of different elements going on. The writer seems to have an issue with Catholics and Jews-make no mistake that what she said was veiled racism. Make a subtle jab that schools like Gonzaga or Charles Smith are somehow less than make zero sense and is not based on any fact. You can’t because schools of faith have all sorts of different rebricd in terms of weaving in the ethical education with the actual execution of curriculum. It is all very personal to what a given parent values. She also mixes a real issue which is a parent calling a school to somehow hurt someone’s college chance by bringing up negative information and let’s face it it could be very biased with half of a story. Calling from blocked phones to boot now this is crazy and I am going to guess that population is so small in crazy that it is not worth discussing. The other issue which is real is outplacement people lying to parents and lying so much they (parents)feel they need to document by taping meeting. Sounds bad but if it is legal in DC (not sure if it is a one party must be aware area) then it forces honestly. I also think when you send your kid to private you are paying for a better education and a better education should result in a good placement. Now we are not talking about a poor student but a good student then yes I would think they would have more college choice the. Going to Whitman. A fine school but not Sidwell. I have no kid at Sidwell but can we agree it is a great school. I do think if it starts to turn out that you receive no benefit to college from a school like Sidwell then makes no sense to spend the money unless you are so wealthy you just want a fancy lunch. So the article just makes no sense.

Holy crap! I cannot believe that sentence made it past the editors. If a TV anchor said that on air, they'd be fired.

[Anonymous]

And all this is why two employees of Sidwell Friends, who are leaving the school in June, are the new heroes of everyone who has ever worked at an independent school. Like Norma Rae Wilson shutting down the cotton mill, like Mario Savio announcing that he could not take part, he could not even passively take part in the functioning of a corrupt machine, these two counselors apparently had enough. There should be statues erected in their honor; they should be the main speakers at next year’s National Association for College Admission Counseling Conference

Not if the Conference does its due diligence ahead of time and discovers that one of the ex-employees apparently knows very little about the college process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a couple of different elements going on. The writer seems to have an issue with Catholics and Jews-make no mistake that what she said was veiled racism. Make a subtle jab that schools like Gonzaga or Charles Smith are somehow less than make zero sense and is not based on any fact. You can’t because schools of faith have all sorts of different rebricd in terms of weaving in the ethical education with the actual execution of curriculum. It is all very personal to what a given parent values. She also mixes a real issue which is a parent calling a school to somehow hurt someone’s college chance by bringing up negative information and let’s face it it could be very biased with half of a story. Calling from blocked phones to boot now this is crazy and I am going to guess that population is so small in crazy that it is not worth discussing. The other issue which is real is outplacement people lying to parents and lying so much they (parents)feel they need to document by taping meeting. Sounds bad but if it is legal in DC (not sure if it is a one party must be aware area) then it forces honestly. I also think when you send your kid to private you are paying for a better education and a better education should result in a good placement. Now we are not talking about a poor student but a good student then yes I would think they would have more college choice the. Going to Whitman. A fine school but not Sidwell. I have no kid at Sidwell but can we agree it is a great school. I do think if it starts to turn out that you receive no benefit to college from a school like Sidwell then makes no sense to spend the money unless you are so wealthy you just want a fancy lunch. So the article just makes no sense.

Holy crap! I cannot believe that sentence made it past the editors. If a TV anchor said that on air, they'd be fired.

She said that the Catholic schools and Jewish day schools are “second rate,” not that Catholics and Jews are. Look at the million threads on this site on the “Big 3,” “Big 5,” top private schools in the area. None are Catholic or Jewish. But if you read the article she actually thinks that schools that teach religion are the only privates with a real mission, that the parents at the others essentially only have one mission, the pursuit of a top college for their kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've taught in a similar school and this article reflects my experience 100%. I am very glad Flanagan has this public platform and is giving this issue the attention it deserves. What I saw were parents who straight-up bought their way into affluent private schools (which you certainly can do -- it's it not even really controversial, especially at the kindergarten and lower school levels). Then they were absolutely outraged that you cannot similarly buy your way into colleges. It taught me that schools that depend on donations -- for increasingly luxurious amenities, administrative bloat, expensive promotional materials, etc. -- are inherently corrupt. You cannot make decisions in the best interest of a child when your paycheck depends on you making decisions in the best interest of an entitled parent.

This comment is thought-provoking.

[Anonymous]

Speaking of entitled parents, why does the mod keep deleting threads about predatory teachers at the Cathedral schools? Would he do that if it was about Bullis?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Speaking of entitled parents, why does the mod keep deleting threads about predatory teachers at the Cathedral schools? Would he do that if it was about Bullis?

Because what is your point? There are predatory teachers everywhere. Based on sheer numbers there are many more in public schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Speaking of entitled parents, why does the mod keep deleting threads about predatory teachers at the Cathedral schools? Would he do that if it was about Bullis?

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've taught in a similar school and this article reflects my experience 100%. I am very glad Flanagan has this public platform and is giving this issue the attention it deserves. What I saw were parents who straight-up bought their way into affluent private schools (which you certainly can do -- it's it not even really controversial, especially at the kindergarten and lower school levels). Then they were absolutely outraged that you cannot similarly buy your way into colleges. It taught me that schools that depend on donations -- for increasingly luxurious amenities, administrative bloat, expensive promotional materials, etc. -- are inherently corrupt. You cannot make decisions in the best interest of a child when your paycheck depends on you making decisions in the best interest of an entitled parent.

This comment is thought-provoking.

Yes, so true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've taught in a similar school and this article reflects my experience 100%. I am very glad Flanagan has this public platform and is giving this issue the attention it deserves. What I saw were parents who straight-up bought their way into affluent private schools (which you certainly can do -- it's it not even really controversial, especially at the kindergarten and lower school levels). Then they were absolutely outraged that you cannot similarly buy your way into colleges. It taught me that schools that depend on donations -- for increasingly luxurious amenities, administrative bloat, expensive promotional materials, etc. -- are inherently corrupt. You cannot make decisions in the best interest of a child when your paycheck depends on you making decisions in the best interest of an entitled parent.

Gaslighting: When private school parents complain endlessly about supposed grade inflation at public schools even as they bully their children's teachers into upping their kids' marks. Talk about a corrupt system.

[Anonymous]

Talk about not knowing what gaslighting means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fun article from a strong writer about a topic that's already been hashed to death. She's good enough to make it more than a just-kill-me-now topic. This should serve as a warning to the rest of us: Sidwell-type parents, in true Trumpian fashion, aren't just going to let their kids' "birthright" slip from their hands as a new generation of motivated public school kids challenge the legacy system. They want their own little Ivankas and Tiffanys and Jareds to go to Harvard, too!

The best parts, for those who won't get around to reading it:

"Earlier this month, Sidwell Friends School, bastion of the Washington, D.C., elite, was the site of a fantastical, Real Housewives of the Independent Schools cavalcade of hideous parental behavior, which apparently included a “verbal assault” on college counselors, secretly taping conversations with them, calling them from blocked phone numbers to run down other kids in the applicant pool, and trying to obtain copies of other students’ records.

At this point, we’ve reached peak private school. The shortage of spaces at elite colleges has driven these people mad, and there is nothing at all left to contain their behavior; their true motivation for sending their kids to these schools has been laid bare."

And this, although the mention of Duke is kind of off, because I don't think these folks would be satisfied with Duke, just as many here apparently think that U Michigan is not quite snobby enough for the younger Obama daughter:

"Sidwell Friends, like most Quaker schools, has been able to retain many of its faith traditions despite welcoming a diverse student body; it’s the least oppressive religion on Earth. But the silent search for the inner spark of God is not much help when rabid parents are underfoot. Quakers are pacifists, for God’s sake. Conscientious objectors. If they weren’t going to take on Adolf Hitler, they sure as hell aren’t going to take on a Kalorama mom with blood in her eyes and Duke on her mind."

If you want anything Quaker, you go to Sandy Springs, not Sidwell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What this and virtually every thread on related topics neglects to address is the gross negligence of some (admittedly not all) of the Washington elite school’s board of trustees and senior administration in perpetuating toxic cultures. Frequently the focus is on the “small but loud minority” of entitled, privileged, misbehaving families. This all results from a culture perpetuated by leadership, who consistently invite toxicity into their communities in the form of excessively influential, privileged, entitled families.

Sure, I’m a “disgruntled parent of a waitlisted child,” who watched her well profiled children be politely but effectively rejected while noticing a years long pattern of lesser profiled children in our community from significantly more affluent families being accepted to the likes of Sidwell, GDS, and Maret. “Disgruntled?” Yes - but grateful as we ended up in a much less toxic and better balanced independent school environment where students and families thrive. A community we later learned is chosen by equally affluent families as the elites, but unlike at the elites who seem better grounded in core values and who put the needs of others ahead of their own. A community we might never have known had our children been accepted at an “elite,” as we too would have blindly said yes to an acceptance.

The fact that these threads generate such vast participation without addressing the core problem of negligent leadership is a sign of the culture of exceptionalism perpetuated by some of the more prominent, selective Washington schools.

I completely empathize with this experience as it was ours as well. Three children, first two both WL at what are considered top schools on DCUM when less accomplished children from much more affluent and connected classmates received multiple acceptances. Disappointed at first, our two oldest ended up at an alternate private with such positive experience that our third didn’t even look at the others.

We understand the pros and cons of access to influence among the different school communities and after a little initial resistance we have given up what we’re ultimately misperceptions of exceptionalism of the elites. All of those entitled folks can have one another. We’re sticking with authentic values & service driven education for our children and no longer looking back...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What this and virtually every thread on related topics neglects to address is the gross negligence of some (admittedly not all) of the Washington elite school’s board of trustees and senior administration in perpetuating toxic cultures. Frequently the focus is on the “small but loud minority” of entitled, privileged, misbehaving families. This all results from a culture perpetuated by leadership, who consistently invite toxicity into their communities in the form of excessively influential, privileged, entitled families.

Sure, I’m a “disgruntled parent of a waitlisted child,” who watched her well profiled children be politely but effectively rejected while noticing a years long pattern of lesser profiled children in our community from significantly more affluent families being accepted to the likes of Sidwell, GDS, and Maret. “Disgruntled?” Yes - but grateful as we ended up in a much less toxic and better balanced independent school environment where students and families thrive. A community we later learned is chosen by equally affluent families as the elites, but unlike at the elites who seem better grounded in core values and who put the needs of others ahead of their own. A community we might never have known had our children been accepted at an “elite,” as we too would have blindly said yes to an acceptance.

The fact that these threads generate such vast participation without addressing the core problem of negligent leadership is a sign of the culture of exceptionalism perpetuated by some of the more prominent, selective Washington schools.

I completely empathize with this experience as it was ours as well. Three children, first two both WL at what are considered top schools on DCUM when less accomplished children from much more affluent and connected classmates received multiple acceptances. Disappointed at first, our two oldest ended up at an alternate private with such positive experience that our third didn’t even look at the others.

We understand the pros and cons of access to influence among the different school communities and after a little initial resistance we have given up what we’re ultimately misperceptions of exceptionalism of the elites. All of those entitled folks can have one another. We’re sticking with authentic values & service driven education for our children and no longer looking back...

Sounds like you’re still looking back.

I think this article is hilarious and so is this thread.

I send my kids to public school and guess what, not only are admissions fair, my kids get a good education and have classmates from a variety of backgrounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Speaking of entitled parents, why does the mod keep deleting threads about predatory teachers at the Cathedral schools? Would he do that if it was about Bullis?

+100

I thought he same thing. Two times people have posted about the predatory teachers in the cathedral schools which is a huge story
Deleted twice. But five threads about Sidwell and the one set of parents who behaved terribly with regards to collage admissions and it’s literally hundreds of posts. What it reveals is much more about the moderator, the community of DCUM who are all up in arms about Sidwell and their perceived enititlements all from the outside, who are themselves more obsessed with college than with child abuse. The hypocrisy is unbelievable.