Another piece on entitled parents in independent schools and Sidwell by The Atlantic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a rehash of the article from January and the article from March and the article from May.

The two people leaving, one was a horrid hire that the other stood by, rather than admit it was a bad hire.

Now, the one, is burning every bridge on the way out.

+1. Relucatant to say it but one counselor was incompetent and lazy, and his boss was stubborn and became a bit lazy. Godspeed to both, and glad that the SFS college office is being rebuilt.

That may be completely true, but it doesn't negate the point she's making, which is that you have a bunch of entitled nut-job parents at your school who lose their minds at the thought that their kids might not get into the most-brag worthy of colleges. Surely there are many more effective and socially acceptable ways to force out an incompetent counselor than what has been reported.

A small handful, like 1-3 parents of now departed seniors. The rest of the school is relatively sane.

[Anonymous]

There are a couple of different elements going on. The writer seems to have an issue with Catholics and Jews-make no mistake that what she said was veiled racism. Make a subtle jab that schools like Gonzaga or Charles Smith are somehow less than make zero sense and is not based on any fact. You can’t because schools of faith have all sorts of different rebricd in terms of weaving in the ethical education with the actual execution of curriculum. It is all very personal to what a given parent values. She also mixes a real issue which is a parent calling a school to somehow hurt someone’s college chance by bringing up negative information and let’s face it it could be very biased with half of a story. Calling from blocked phones to boot now this is crazy and I am going to guess that population is so small in crazy that it is not worth discussing. The other issue which is real is outplacement people lying to parents and lying so much they (parents)feel they need to document by taping meeting. Sounds bad but if it is legal in DC (not sure if it is a one party must be aware area) then it forces honestly. I also think when you send your kid to private you are paying for a better education and a better education should result in a good placement. Now we are not talking about a poor student but a good student then yes I would think they would have more college choice the. Going to Whitman. A fine school but not Sidwell. I have no kid at Sidwell but can we agree it is a great school. I do think if it starts to turn out that you receive no benefit to college from a school like Sidwell then makes no sense to spend the money unless you are so wealthy you just want a fancy lunch. So the article just makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

I teach at another independent school, but I have acquaintances who teach and have taught at Sidwell. It is well known among the faculty members that they should not expect the administration to back them up when dealing with influential parents, even when these parents are clearly in the wrong. This especially applies to the upper school. For example, one acquaintance was dealing with big donor parents who were enraged about the grade their child earned. The admin's response was to tell the teacher he/she should give the student the grade he/she deserved. However, this statement was immediately followed by, "But what can we do to give this student the grade he/she thinks he/she deserves?" Ideas included extra credit assignments, even though the rest of the students in this class were not afforded the same opportunity. I had another friend who was told by admin members that the teachers had the school's support, but when the admin and teacher met with the parents, the admin criticized the teacher in front of the parents.

[Anonymous]

What this and virtually every thread on related topics neglects to address is the gross negligence of some (admittedly not all) of the Washington elite school’s board of trustees and senior administration in perpetuating toxic cultures. Frequently the focus is on the “small but loud minority” of entitled, privileged, misbehaving families. This all results from a culture perpetuated by leadership, who consistently invite toxicity into their communities in the form of excessively influential, privileged, entitled families.

Sure, I’m a “disgruntled parent of a waitlisted child,” who watched her well profiled children be politely but effectively rejected while noticing a years long pattern of lesser profiled children in our community from significantly more affluent families being accepted to the likes of Sidwell, GDS, and Maret. “Disgruntled?” Yes - but grateful as we ended up in a much less toxic and better balanced independent school environment where students and families thrive. A community we later learned is chosen by equally affluent families as the elites, but unlike at the elites who seem better grounded in core values and who put the needs of others ahead of their own. A community we might never have known had our children been accepted at an “elite,” as we too would have blindly said yes to an acceptance.

The fact that these threads generate such vast participation without addressing the core problem of negligent leadership is a sign of the culture of exceptionalism perpetuated by some of the more prominent, selective Washington schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a rehash of the article from January and the article from March and the article from May.

+1. It was a cavalcade of cliches and stereotypes that jumped around so much that I didn’t get the main point. Then again, my kids are getting a second rate education going to a faith based school according to the author so perhaps I am not the target audience.

I definitely felt it was #firstworldproblems contrasting how I felt last night reading the article in the Washington post around how news outlets came to the decision to publish the father and 2 year old child that died at the border.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are a couple of different elements going on. The writer seems to have an issue with Catholics and Jews-make no mistake that what she said was veiled racism. Make a subtle jab that schools like Gonzaga or Charles Smith are somehow less than make zero sense and is not based on any fact. You can’t because schools of faith have all sorts of different rebricd in terms of weaving in the ethical education with the actual execution of curriculum. It is all very personal to what a given parent values. She also mixes a real issue which is a parent calling a school to somehow hurt someone’s college chance by bringing up negative information and let’s face it it could be very biased with half of a story. Calling from blocked phones to boot now this is crazy and I am going to guess that population is so small in crazy that it is not worth discussing. The other issue which is real is outplacement people lying to parents and lying so much they (parents)feel they need to document by taping meeting. Sounds bad but if it is legal in DC (not sure if it is a one party must be aware area) then it forces honestly. I also think when you send your kid to private you are paying for a better education and a better education should result in a good placement. Now we are not talking about a poor student but a good student then yes I would think they would have more college choice the. Going to Whitman. A fine school but not Sidwell. I have no kid at Sidwell but can we agree it is a great school. I do think if it starts to turn out that you receive no benefit to college from a school like Sidwell then makes no sense to spend the money unless you are so wealthy you just want a fancy lunch. So the article just makes no sense.

You're insane if you're suggesting that catholic and jewish schools are comparable to elite private schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What this and virtually every thread on related topics neglects to address is the gross negligence of some (admittedly not all) of the Washington elite school’s board of trustees and senior administration in perpetuating toxic cultures. Frequently the focus is on the “small but loud minority” of entitled, privileged, misbehaving families. This all results from a culture perpetuated by leadership, who consistently invite toxicity into their communities in the form of excessively influential, privileged, entitled families.

Sure, I’m a “disgruntled parent of a waitlisted child,” who watched her well profiled children be politely but effectively rejected while noticing a years long pattern of lesser profiled children in our community from significantly more affluent families being accepted to the likes of Sidwell, GDS, and Maret. “Disgruntled?” Yes - but grateful as we ended up in a much less toxic and better balanced independent school environment where students and families thrive. A community we later learned is chosen by equally affluent families as the elites, but unlike at the elites who seem better grounded in core values and who put the needs of others ahead of their own. A community we might never have known had our children been accepted at an “elite,” as we too would have blindly said yes to an acceptance.

The fact that these threads generate such vast participation without addressing the core problem of negligent leadership is a sign of the culture of exceptionalism perpetuated by some of the more prominent, selective Washington schools.

Agree 1000%. These schools preferentially take the wealthy and elite (I've seen it happen time and time again both from the outside when we were trying to get in and now from the inside) and then wonder why the parents throw around their wealth and status to get what they want. I mean, what were they expecting???

[Anonymous]

They made their deal with the devil. Want to hobnob with rich douchebags in Martha's Vineyard? It's going to cost you eventually.

Awful weak leadership at some of these schools, esp SFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a couple of different elements going on. The writer seems to have an issue with Catholics and Jews-make no mistake that what she said was veiled racism. Make a subtle jab that schools like Gonzaga or Charles Smith are somehow less than make zero sense and is not based on any fact. You can’t because schools of faith have all sorts of different rebricd in terms of weaving in the ethical education with the actual execution of curriculum. It is all very personal to what a given parent values. She also mixes a real issue which is a parent calling a school to somehow hurt someone’s college chance by bringing up negative information and let’s face it it could be very biased with half of a story. Calling from blocked phones to boot now this is crazy and I am going to guess that population is so small in crazy that it is not worth discussing. The other issue which is real is outplacement people lying to parents and lying so much they (parents)feel they need to document by taping meeting. Sounds bad but if it is legal in DC (not sure if it is a one party must be aware area) then it forces honestly. I also think when you send your kid to private you are paying for a better education and a better education should result in a good placement. Now we are not talking about a poor student but a good student then yes I would think they would have more college choice the. Going to Whitman. A fine school but not Sidwell. I have no kid at Sidwell but can we agree it is a great school. I do think if it starts to turn out that you receive no benefit to college from a school like Sidwell then makes no sense to spend the money unless you are so wealthy you just want a fancy lunch. So the article just makes no sense.

You're insane if you're suggesting that catholic and jewish schools are comparable to elite private schools.

DP. Then ask Flanagan why she wrote what she did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a couple of different elements going on. The writer seems to have an issue with Catholics and Jews-make no mistake that what she said was veiled racism. Make a subtle jab that schools like Gonzaga or Charles Smith are somehow less than make zero sense and is not based on any fact. You can’t because schools of faith have all sorts of different rebricd in terms of weaving in the ethical education with the actual execution of curriculum. It is all very personal to what a given parent values. She also mixes a real issue which is a parent calling a school to somehow hurt someone’s college chance by bringing up negative information and let’s face it it could be very biased with half of a story. Calling from blocked phones to boot now this is crazy and I am going to guess that population is so small in crazy that it is not worth discussing. The other issue which is real is outplacement people lying to parents and lying so much they (parents)feel they need to document by taping meeting. Sounds bad but if it is legal in DC (not sure if it is a one party must be aware area) then it forces honestly. I also think when you send your kid to private you are paying for a better education and a better education should result in a good placement. Now we are not talking about a poor student but a good student then yes I would think they would have more college choice the. Going to Whitman. A fine school but not Sidwell. I have no kid at Sidwell but can we agree it is a great school. I do think if it starts to turn out that you receive no benefit to college from a school like Sidwell then makes no sense to spend the money unless you are so wealthy you just want a fancy lunch. So the article just makes no sense.

You're insane if you're suggesting that catholic and jewish schools are comparable to elite private schools.

I'm not sure I follow. Why is it "insane" to compare Catholic and Jewish schools to elite private schools, or to imply they can't be elite schools? Or did you have a different meaning?

Places like Prep regularly gets roasted on here for having loud and aggressive parents. And it is an elite school in the world of Catholic private schools, with wealthy families.

[Anonymous]

What this and virtually every thread on related topics neglects to address is the gross negligence of some (admittedly not all) of the Washington elite school’s board of trustees and senior administration in perpetuating toxic cultures. Frequently the focus is on the “small but loud minority” of entitled, privileged, misbehaving families. This all results from a culture perpetuated by leadership, who consistently invite toxicity into their communities in the form of excessively influential, privileged, entitled families.

Sounds like the entitled former Sidwell parents and student who sue the school (all the way to the Supreme Court) because the student ended up going to Penn rather than to HYP!

[Anonymous]

The most shocking thing in this thread is the suggestion that the SFS administration has pressured teachers to change grades for children of prominent parents -- obviously to the disadvantage of the rest of the students. If this is true, it is a scandal.

[Anonymous]

Look, I don't really think the parents here are victims and I don't have much sympathy for them being the target of one of Flanagan's typical hit pieces. But I really dislike Flanagan's modus operandi, because her making a buck by peddling stereotypes hurts people who can't fight back. I blame her for some of the nastiness in the mommy wars: it was her widely publicized slams of both SAHM and WOHM several years ago that fed the mommy wars back then. She may have been targeting herself and her peers, but the moms who bear the brunt of the nastiness she throws into the universe are the struggling SAHMs or WOHMs who are for the most part not rich and just trying to get through the day. The stereotypes she fed and nurtured hurt the WOHM who needs to feed her kid, or the SAHM who is trying to hold it together with a deployed husband. It didn't hurt Flanagan's supposed targets, but she made a lot of money by being, at heart, deeply unkind.

Here, the rich trust fund parents will be fine. But the ones who struggle to get their kids a good education -- including at schools not nearly elite as Sidwell -- will get painted by the same brush.

In the end it's stupid and there's no real harm compared to the bad things in the world, and of course Flanagan will be laughing all the way to the bank, but I think it's sad she makes her living that way.

[Anonymous]

I've taught in a similar school and this article reflects my experience 100%. I am very glad Flanagan has this public platform and is giving this issue the attention it deserves. What I saw were parents who straight-up bought their way into affluent private schools (which you certainly can do -- it's it not even really controversial, especially at the kindergarten and lower school levels). Then they were absolutely outraged that you cannot similarly buy your way into colleges. It taught me that schools that depend on donations -- for increasingly luxurious amenities, administrative bloat, expensive promotional materials, etc. -- are inherently corrupt. You cannot make decisions in the best interest of a child when your paycheck depends on you making decisions in the best interest of an entitled parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I teach at another independent school, but I have acquaintances who teach and have taught at Sidwell. It is well known among the faculty members that they should not expect the administration to back them up when dealing with influential parents, even when these parents are clearly in the wrong. This especially applies to the upper school. For example, one acquaintance was dealing with big donor parents who were enraged about the grade their child earned. The admin's response was to tell the teacher he/she should give the student the grade he/she deserved. However, this statement was immediately followed by, "But what can we do to give this student the grade he/she thinks he/she deserves?" Ideas included extra credit assignments, even though the rest of the students in this class were not afforded the same opportunity. I had another friend who was told by admin members that the teachers had the school's support, but when the admin and teacher met with the parents, the admin criticized the teacher in front of the parents.

Grade inflation tinged with corruption