College friend let it slip last night they make $750,000 a year and I’m sick

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:500k is the new 100k

Very good, Mitt.

[Anonymous]

Fight among yourselves white privilege people.

[Anonymous]

When I found out a friend made that much money, I stopped feeling guilty about accepting the generous tickets he bought us at entertainment venues.

Knowing he made that much money meant that $200 to him was like $20 to me, and I stopped stressing about reciprocating and enjoyed the generosity.

[Anonymous]

OP, think about the veil of ignorance. If, as a kid, you'd been able to see the future, would you be happy with the life you had now? Sounds like you would have, if things were so tough. If that's the case - be happy with it, and don't begrudge your sister for having it even better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has started making 7 figures in the last couple of years (previously at least $500k per year), it really hasn’t changed our lives other than we are padding our savings in a big way. I guess people may be shocked if they ever found out as we don’t live like he makes that much- he still drives a 10 year old car to work, we live in a relatively modest house, (value is less than he makes per year), and I’d like to do a winter and/or break trip but he thinks airline tickets are too expensive!! It’s a little ridiculous. Not sick to your stomach envy-worthy! Not sure how much he wants socked away before we can actually enjoy it. I really don’t feel any different or have a different lifestyle than my friends other than I don’t work anymore.

What does he do for a living? Lawyer or lobbyist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t stop thinking about this. It’s not like some flashy tech job with stock options or dental surgeon or law partner. Totally unexpected.

You ever been caught off guard after a friend let it slip they’re doing really well?

When I was 25 and single and working an unrewarding job, I went to visit a childhood friend who despite not going to college had just bought a large new home containing three cars plus a motorcycle in his garage, and was about to get married. I wish I could say that I had the wisdom to change my life right then and there, but it took me about 5 years to really turn my life around. Some people shy away from successful people because of how it makes them feel. Some even seek out friends who are doing worse just to feel better about themselves in comparison. However I have since realized that one of the key ways to improve my own situation is to surround myself with those who are doing better than me, like my childhood friend. From him I learned the importance of being entrepreneurial, investing wisely, and giving up short term consumption for long term gains. I have found successful people to be incredibly generous and willing to share their experience once they discover that you are not jealous of them. Therefore I've trained myself to quickly get beyond the initial shock within a matter of 10-20 seconds and move on to expressing genuine curiosity of their achievements.

The flip side is also true. I generally do not discuss our finances with friends and let the chips fall where they may as they observe our consumption - I am not going to hold my enjoyment back for the sake of others. Some friends have stuck with us, most have not.

Love this. I try to adopt the same attitude, and expect the same of others who see us enjoying our money. We don’t go around flaunting our money or telling people how much we make, but I can’t imagine not being able to take a nice trip, like a PP had mentioned, for fear of others becoming jealous. This is why it’s hard for people in different SES to be friends with each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t stop thinking about this. It’s not like some flashy tech job with stock options or dental surgeon or law partner. Totally unexpected.

You ever been caught off guard after a friend let it slip they’re doing really well?

When I was 25 and single and working an unrewarding job, I went to visit a childhood friend who despite not going to college had just bought a large new home containing three cars plus a motorcycle in his garage, and was about to get married. I wish I could say that I had the wisdom to change my life right then and there, but it took me about 5 years to really turn my life around. Some people shy away from successful people because of how it makes them feel. Some even seek out friends who are doing worse just to feel better about themselves in comparison. However I have since realized that one of the key ways to improve my own situation is to surround myself with those who are doing better than me, like my childhood friend. From him I learned the importance of being entrepreneurial, investing wisely, and giving up short term consumption for long term gains. I have found successful people to be incredibly generous and willing to share their experience once they discover that you are not jealous of them. Therefore I've trained myself to quickly get beyond the initial shock within a matter of 10-20 seconds and move on to expressing genuine curiosity of their achievements.

The flip side is also true. I generally do not discuss our finances with friends and let the chips fall where they may as they observe our consumption - I am not going to hold my enjoyment back for the sake of others. Some friends have stuck with us, most have not.

Love this. I try to adopt the same attitude, and expect the same of others who see us enjoying our money. We don’t go around flaunting our money or telling people how much we make, but I can’t imagine not being able to take a nice trip, like a PP had mentioned, for fear of others becoming jealous. This is why it’s hard for people in different SES to be friends with each other.

+1

Also, the most popular question in the D.C. area is the most offensive question you could ask anyone: "what do you do"? Because you are basically asking them how much they make. If you are about picking someone's brain (professionally or financially), it will be obvious, and also offensive. Too many people try to do that at cocktail parties, and I know more than a handful of people who give the wrong answers (ie: give the story of a less successful guy they know, because they think the brain picking is rude).

[Anonymous]

I make almost no money, yet I love telling people what I do. That question doesn’t bother me at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I enjoy living in a middle class neighborhood

Lol. Same.

What about that whole millionaire next door/Dave Ramsey thing? The middle class neighbors may have more liquid assets than those in the rich neighborhood.

Has anyone read the updated Millionaire Next Door book? I'm curious how the landscape has changed (or stayed the same).

There's an updated millionaire next door? Anyone read it -- what's the update?

Yes - one of the original authors died a few years ago so his daughter published a 20 year update. I read it a few weeks ago. Basically the same conclusions as the original (though more choppily written because it intersperses her father’s recent writings with her updated research). Spend below your means, don’t keep up with the Joneses, lots of wealth hiding in plain sight. In my life at least, it rings just as true as the original did. No one would suspect we have as much money as we do and we very much prefer it that way.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would be jealous too. It’s not a good feeling but it’s natural

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t stop thinking about this. It’s not like some flashy tech job with stock options or dental surgeon or law partner. Totally unexpected.

You ever been caught off guard after a friend let it slip they’re doing really well?

I know what you feel OP. Don't listen to people here that are going to tell you that you shouldn't care about what others are making.
You should care. It is great way to measure your worth and use it to ask what you deserve.
The best thing that happened to me was to learn about my co-worker salary. I was stunned. I realized how underpaid I was.
It fueled my hunger for more and I went to get what I deserved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has started making 7 figures in the last couple of years (previously at least $500k per year), it really hasn’t changed our lives other than we are padding our savings in a big way. I guess people may be shocked if they ever found out as we don’t live like he makes that much- he still drives a 10 year old car to work, we live in a relatively modest house, (value is less than he makes per year), and I’d like to do a winter and/or break trip but he thinks airline tickets are too expensive!! It’s a little ridiculous. Not sick to your stomach envy-worthy! Not sure how much he wants socked away before we can actually enjoy it. I really don’t feel any different or have a different lifestyle than my friends other than I don’t work anymore.

It changes your life in that a lot of worry magically melts away. That is such a big thing, and something worthy of being jealous of.

True, but we have felt that way for a long time because we live way below our means. Sometimes I wonder if we are being too cheap and should just get the nice house etc.

I would imagine it’s much easier to live way below your means when your HHI is around $500k. From where we sit at less than half of that, still paying off student loans, and a kid in daycare, to live way below our means we’d likely have to leave the DMV, or not purchased a house. We’re not scraping by, but we don’t have much of a security blanket. And with that comes a lot of worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t stop thinking about this. It’s not like some flashy tech job with stock options or dental surgeon or law partner. Totally unexpected.

You ever been caught off guard after a friend let it slip they’re doing really well?

I know what you feel OP. Don't listen to people here that are going to tell you that you shouldn't care about what others are making.
You should care. It is great way to measure your worth and use it to ask what you deserve.
The best thing that happened to me was to learn about my co-worker salary. I was stunned. I realized how underpaid I was.
It fueled my hunger for more and I went to get what I deserved.

It’s one thing to be inspired by learning what your friend earns to better your lot, it’s another to be sick and jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would be jealous too. It’s not a good feeling but it’s natural

It’s not natural. It’s pretty eye opening actually how jealous others can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has started making 7 figures in the last couple of years (previously at least $500k per year), it really hasn’t changed our lives other than we are padding our savings in a big way. I guess people may be shocked if they ever found out as we don’t live like he makes that much- he still drives a 10 year old car to work, we live in a relatively modest house, (value is less than he makes per year), and I’d like to do a winter and/or break trip but he thinks airline tickets are too expensive!! It’s a little ridiculous. Not sick to your stomach envy-worthy! Not sure how much he wants socked away before we can actually enjoy it. I really don’t feel any different or have a different lifestyle than my friends other than I don’t work anymore.

It changes your life in that a lot of worry magically melts away. That is such a big thing, and something worthy of being jealous of.

True, but we have felt that way for a long time because we live way below our means. Sometimes I wonder if we are being too cheap and should just get the nice house etc.

I would imagine it’s much easier to live way below your means when your HHI is around $500k. From where we sit at less than half of that, still paying off student loans, and a kid in daycare, to live way below our means we’d likely have to leave the DMV, or not purchased a house. We’re not scraping by, but we don’t have much of a security blanket. And with that comes a lot of worry.

I totally get what you were are saying- but I also know what it is like to have a $160K HHI in this area (this is after finally finding a job after getting laid off for 5 months in a terrible job market), new baby, high daycare bill and a mortgage. We still lived below our means. Luckily we did so we could afford our place on one salary during the lay-off. Now obviously things aren’t as stressful money-wise but I don’t feel any different as a person. I’m trying to say that unless your friend is now acting snobby and better than you, you shouldn’t let money drive a wedge in your relationship. Who knows, someday you could be in the same boat. Friends are more valuable than extra zeros in a bank account.