I don’t want to swim, thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a different but somewhat similar issue. I recently gained weight due to some health issues and just don't like being in pictures. I'm trying to exercise and eat a healthy diet, but I've still not lost the weight. It's been a hard transition for me because I've always been thin. I've explained to my mother that it's hard for me to see pictures of myself at this weight, but every family get-together she pressures me in front of our extended family to get in the pictures. I get that I'll have to get comfortable with my new body if exercising and eating a healthy diet doesn't help, but I'm not there yet. Another reason I don't like her taking pictures is she has a tendency to display pictures that she looks good in even if everyone else looks terrible. As an example, my sister told my mom to select a picture from her wedding that had my mom, my dad, my sister and I in it, so my sister could have it enlarged and framed. Despite other pictures with us all looking at the camera, she picked one with me looking off to the side with my eyes partially closed because I wasn't ready for the picture because it was the best one of her. She has this on full display in her house. My sister and I laugh about it because this is typical. If she takes an unflattering picture of only me, she says she took it so she can display it as she wishes, and I need to get over it. We recently had another incident of her pressuring me in front of a room full of people to get in pictures. I finally snapped and yelled at her in front of everyone that she doesn't get to decide whether I get in the picture. Everyone's jaws dropped. I'm hoping this will be the end of the constant pressure because she'll be afraid I'll cause a scene. It wasn't my best moment, but if it gets her off my case I'll be thrilled.

Your mom sounds awful and she deserved to be told off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a different but somewhat similar issue. I recently gained weight due to some health issues and just don't like being in pictures. I'm trying to exercise and eat a healthy diet, but I've still not lost the weight. It's been a hard transition for me because I've always been thin. I've explained to my mother that it's hard for me to see pictures of myself at this weight, but every family get-together she pressures me in front of our extended family to get in the pictures. I get that I'll have to get comfortable with my new body if exercising and eating a healthy diet doesn't help, but I'm not there yet. Another reason I don't like her taking pictures is she has a tendency to display pictures that she looks good in even if everyone else looks terrible. As an example, my sister told my mom to select a picture from her wedding that had my mom, my dad, my sister and I in it, so my sister could have it enlarged and framed. Despite other pictures with us all looking at the camera, she picked one with me looking off to the side with my eyes partially closed because I wasn't ready for the picture because it was the best one of her. She has this on full display in her house. My sister and I laugh about it because this is typical. If she takes an unflattering picture of only me, she says she took it so she can display it as she wishes, and I need to get over it. We recently had another incident of her pressuring me in front of a room full of people to get in pictures. I finally snapped and yelled at her in front of everyone that she doesn't get to decide whether I get in the picture. Everyone's jaws dropped. I'm hoping this will be the end of the constant pressure because she'll be afraid I'll cause a scene. It wasn't my best moment, but if it gets her off my case I'll be thrilled.

I'm sorry. As someone who is also much heavier than I used to be after having several kids -- though I was never thin, just normal weight -- I sympathize. However, I will tell you what I have learned, which is that at some point you have to just live your life, which includes getting in the pictures. In 10 years you will feel worse about not being in any pictures than you will about being fat in the pictures. (In fact if you're lucky, you'll look back and laugh at your "fat" period ... if you're unlucky, like me, you'll look back and think "what was I worried about, I looked pretty good!")

I know you're trying not to draw attention to yourself, etc, but insisting on not getting in the pictures is worse than just gracefully being in them.

I look fat and horrible in all my recent pictures. I know it, my husband knows it, the only ones who don't know it are my kids who are too young to realize. But I know in a few years I would feel worse about not having any pictures with the kids when they're young -- or if, G-d forbid, anything happens to me -- than I would about being fat.

+1. Great article on this topic from a few years ago:

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/allison-tate/mom-pictures-with-kids_b_1926073.html

[Anonymous]

I think it is rude for people to continue asking or in your case practically telling you to get in the pool!

It shouldn’t be a given since not everyone loves swimming pools.

Can you just tell them that you are on your period + that you do not wear tampons....??!
That should hush them up.
Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not so much about the water, they want to watch you play with your kids.

How would you know what they want?

Agreed. Everyone would rather ‘lounge and chit chat.’ You do t havdvto get in the water- but DH is looking for help & your in laws would like to stop chit chatting with you. Can’t stand it when DH decides to not swim. It’s not about a personal preference it’s about zone coverage.
But we talk about it before and expectations are clear. He’s in that damned water with us, or no one is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not so much about the water, they want to watch you play with your kids.

How would you know what they want?

Agreed. Everyone would rather ‘lounge and chit chat.’ You do t havdvto get in the water- but DH is looking for help & your in laws would like to stop chit chatting with you. Can’t stand it when DH decides to not swim. It’s not about a personal preference it’s about zone coverage.
But we talk about it before and expectations are clear. He’s in that damned water with us, or no one is.

I don't get this. I take my girls to the pool by myself all the time. Unless the water is uniformly deep--too deep for your youngest kids to stand--why can't you hold the youngest while the others play very close to you? And if your husband is at least nearby, he can even jump in fully clothed if needed, right?

OP can watch her kids and provide safety supervision from the sidelines at a home pool, no question. And they don't have to chat with her. Haven't you ever heard of companionable silence?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm sorry. As someone who is also much heavier than I used to be after having several kids -- though I was never thin, just normal weight -- I sympathize. However, I will tell you what I have learned, which is that at some point you have to just live your life, which includes getting in the pictures. In 10 years you will feel worse about not being in any pictures than you will about being fat in the pictures. (In fact if you're lucky, you'll look back and laugh at your "fat" period ... if you're unlucky, like me, you'll look back and think "what was I worried about, I looked pretty good!")

I know you're trying not to draw attention to yourself, etc, but insisting on not getting in the pictures is worse than just gracefully being in them.

I look fat and horrible in all my recent pictures. I know it, my husband knows it, the only ones who don't know it are my kids who are too young to realize. But I know in a few years I would feel worse about not having any pictures with the kids when they're young -- or if, G-d forbid, anything happens to me -- than I would about being fat.

DP. I know you're trying to be nice and encouraging, but in my experience, you're just wrong. I haven't wanted to be in pictures for over 20 years because I don't like how I look in them and it has only made me learn to become more comfortable and confident with myself. I don't regret not being in pictures in the least and have pretty much eliminated most of the self-criticism and negative talk about myself by eliminating the thing that caused it. My "just living my life" means not doing the things that hurt me, which is looking at myself in pictures.

And no, I don't draw more attention to myself, after a while it became totally second-nature to everyone and no one cares. Be it taking pictures or not going in the pool, the way to get people off your case is to be steadfast in your resolve not to do it. You dont give in sometimes to appease people. You just don't do what you don't want to do and eventually they give up. If you are wishy washy and sometimes succumb to pressure, people won't understand how much you care about not doing whatever thing.

OP, just tell the truth. "I don't like pools and I'm not going in, thank you for wanting to include me though." The end.

[Anonymous]

I won't swim in public pools. In fact the idea of fecal matter from diapers, urine, dead skin cells, mucous floating in the water make me want to hurl. It's poop soup.

[Anonymous]

I feel like people somehow think someone sitting on the deck in their street clothes can't actively watch kids for safety. You guys get that in an emergency, even clothed people can jump in a pool and grab a kid, right?

The only save I ever made as a lifeguard was when I wasn't even on duty, and was wearing a sweatshirt.

My brother pulled a kid out of the lake; he was on the beach and ran in and grabbed one of our younger cousins. Lost his iPhone in the process, but do you think he let that slow him down? You can get a new phone, not a new cousin!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I won't swim in public pools. In fact the idea of fecal matter from diapers, urine, dead skin cells, mucous floating in the water make me want to hurl. It's poop soup.

And the difference between a public poop soup and a private poop soup is...?

[Anonymous]

You could say "We ate at Taco Bell last night and I've got the runs."

[Anonymous]

People do this to me about drinking alcohol. I don't drink. Yet people constantly try to get me to drink and entice me with a drink. Ridiculous. I'm polite at first and then usually say.. "I'm not sure why you keep pressuring me to drink. I don't drink and the constant badgering ruins what could be a fun time." That usually shuts them up. Call them out on the behavior in a direct way.

In your case: "I'm not sure why you keep pressuring me to get in the pool. I don't like to be in the water and the constant badgering ruins what could be a fun time."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

However, I will tell you what I have learned, which is that at some point you have to just live your life, which includes getting in the pictures. In 10 years you will feel worse about not being in any pictures than you will about being fat in the pictures. (In fact if you're lucky, you'll look back and laugh at your "fat" period ... if you're unlucky, like me, you'll look back and think "what was I worried about, I looked pretty good!")

I don't agree that just living my life includes getting in pictures that I don't want to be in. I'm not overweight but have a somewhat unusual looking face due to a cleft palate repair. I honestly don't think about how my face looks all that much unless I see a picture of myself - I don't want to be in pictures, it makes me feel much, much worse than I otherwise would.

I hope that you will consider how much your nearest and dearest love you and want a picture of you. I hear that you may not like your face, but again those closest to you see you, not just a bunch of features,

/mother of child with cleft palate repair.

[Anonymous]

I don't agree that just living my life includes getting in pictures that I don't want to be in. I'm not overweight but have a somewhat unusual looking face due to a cleft palate repair. I honestly don't think about how my face looks all that much unless I see a picture of myself - I don't want to be in pictures, it makes me feel much, much worse than I otherwise would.


I hope that you will consider how much your nearest and dearest love you and want a picture of you. I hear that you may not like your face, but again those closest to you see you, not just a bunch of features,

/mother of child with cleft palate repair.

I have two teen boys and they are definitely not thinking much about having a picture of me - I guarantee it. But, even if they were, I do a lot to make them happy and its ok for me to say no to this to make myself happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

However, I will tell you what I have learned, which is that at some point you have to just live your life, which includes getting in the pictures. In 10 years you will feel worse about not being in any pictures than you will about being fat in the pictures. (In fact if you're lucky, you'll look back and laugh at your "fat" period ... if you're unlucky, like me, you'll look back and think "what was I worried about, I looked pretty good!")

I don't agree that just living my life includes getting in pictures that I don't want to be in. I'm not overweight but have a somewhat unusual looking face due to a cleft palate repair. I honestly don't think about how my face looks all that much unless I see a picture of myself - I don't want to be in pictures, it makes me feel much, much worse than I otherwise would.

I hope that you will consider how much your nearest and dearest love you and want a picture of you. I hear that you may not like your face, but again those closest to you see you, not just a bunch of features,

/mother of child with cleft palate repair.

Think about how many photos you have of your mother from when you were a child. Two dozen or so, mostly semi-faded 70s/80s prints?

Here we are in the digital age, where we have the access to (and do) create two dozen or so images a WEEK. My kids will have "enough" images of me, but that doesn't mean I have to document each and every second and scenario. I'm more into making actual memories than PICTURE OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

-NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like people somehow think someone sitting on the deck in their street clothes can't actively watch kids for safety. You guys get that in an emergency, even clothed people can jump in a pool and grab a kid, right?

The only save I ever made as a lifeguard was when I wasn't even on duty, and was wearing a sweatshirt.

My brother pulled a kid out of the lake; he was on the beach and ran in and grabbed one of our younger cousins. Lost his iPhone in the process, but do you think he let that slow him down? You can get a new phone, not a new cousin!

I have never seen a lifeguard watch swimmers from inside the pool. They are always outside of the pool watching the swimmers. That is where you get the best vantage point.