The boy in NJ who shot and killed mom, dad, sister and family friend was autistic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a huge amount of sympathy for Nancy Lanza. Hindsight is 20/20, but when you've been living in a situation like that, it can feel impossible. I came across this interview with the writer who told Adam's father's story to The New Yorker. Really good: https://www.npr.org/2014/03/13/289815818/6-interviews-1-reckoning-sandy-hook-killers-dad-breaks-silence

But apart from that, IMHO, we don't really need automatic and semi-automatic weapons for civilian use. They are designed to kill in volume.

I don't see a lot of insight in that article. Of course the father wishes that none of this had ever happened even if that means wishing that Adam had never been born.

What I don't see is how this father had no choice but to allow himself to be complete cut off from a kid who he knew was spending hours a day crying in a dark room, completely isolated with his overwrought mother pulling her hair out and feeling completely helpless.

Is there seriously NOTHING that these parents could have done? How exactly did either one of them expect this situation with their son to end?

[Anonymous]

Adam was a 6 foot tall, 20 year old man who weight less than 115 pounds when died. The medical examiner found brain damage resulting from anorexia. This was a dire, dire situation and had been for awhile.

Obviously, Adam was an adult at the age of 20.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a huge amount of sympathy for Nancy Lanza. Hindsight is 20/20, but when you've been living in a situation like that, it can feel impossible. I came across this interview with the writer who told Adam's father's story to The New Yorker. Really good: https://www.npr.org/2014/03/13/289815818/6-interviews-1-reckoning-sandy-hook-killers-dad-breaks-silence

But apart from that, IMHO, we don't really need automatic and semi-automatic weapons for civilian use. They are designed to kill in volume.

I don't see a lot of insight in that article. Of course the father wishes that none of this had ever happened even if that means wishing that Adam had never been born.

What I don't see is how this father had no choice but to allow himself to be complete cut off from a kid who he knew was spending hours a day crying in a dark room, completely isolated with his overwrought mother pulling her hair out and feeling completely helpless.

Is there seriously NOTHING that these parents could have done? How exactly did either one of them expect this situation with their son to end?

http://www.ct.gov/oca/lib/oca/sandyhook11212014.pdf

Read the Connecticut State Report, it spells out how the parents failed Adam, particularly his mother. I can say this as a parent of an ASD child myself. It was sheer neglect. There were many danger signs along the way. They did not recognize the seriousness of his disorder and failed to provide treatment. The school went along with this because we all know if the parents don't push it, schools usually won't do what they should.

When he was in middle school, they took him to the Yale Child Center, one of the country's leading autism centers. Yale said he significant social deficits, and that he was being shielding him from the need to interact with others. They recommended that he join a social group at Yale, that the IEP be rewritten to provide social supports, and that he be medicated. In particular, they predicted:

"Having the emphasis on adapting the world to AL, rather than helping him to adapt to the world, is a recipe for him to be a homebound recluse, unable to attend
college or work productively into his twenties and thirties and beyond with mother becoming increasingly isolated and burdened."

That's exactly what happened by the time he was 20. But instead of being alarmed by this prediction and doing whatever was necessary to turn things around, Nancy Lanza responded with "Thank you for taking the time to meet with AL yesterday . . . . I wanted to let you know that the options you presented are not going to work at this time."


The father at least wanted to follow Yale's recommendations, but his mother had primary custody, so she just continued down the dangerous path, and he didn't know how to turn it around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a huge amount of sympathy for Nancy Lanza. Hindsight is 20/20, but when you've been living in a situation like that, it can feel impossible. I came across this interview with the writer who told Adam's father's story to The New Yorker. Really good: https://www.npr.org/2014/03/13/289815818/6-interviews-1-reckoning-sandy-hook-killers-dad-breaks-silence

But apart from that, IMHO, we don't really need automatic and semi-automatic weapons for civilian use. They are designed to kill in volume.

I don't see a lot of insight in that article. Of course the father wishes that none of this had ever happened even if that means wishing that Adam had never been born.

What I don't see is how this father had no choice but to allow himself to be complete cut off from a kid who he knew was spending hours a day crying in a dark room, completely isolated with his overwrought mother pulling her hair out and feeling completely helpless.

Is there seriously NOTHING that these parents could have done? How exactly did either one of them expect this situation with their son to end?

http://www.ct.gov/oca/lib/oca/sandyhook11212014.pdf

Read the Connecticut State Report, it spells out how the parents failed Adam, particularly his mother. I can say this as a parent of an ASD child myself. It was sheer neglect. There were many danger signs along the way. They did not recognize the seriousness of his disorder and failed to provide treatment. The school went along with this because we all know if the parents don't push it, schools usually won't do what they should.

When he was in middle school, they took him to the Yale Child Center, one of the country's leading autism centers. Yale said he significant social deficits, and that he was being shielding him from the need to interact with others. They recommended that he join a social group at Yale, that the IEP be rewritten to provide social supports, and that he be medicated. In particular, they predicted:

"Having the emphasis on adapting the world to AL, rather than helping him to adapt to the world, is a recipe for him to be a homebound recluse, unable to attend
college or work productively into his twenties and thirties and beyond with mother becoming increasingly isolated and burdened."

That's exactly what happened by the time he was 20. But instead of being alarmed by this prediction and doing whatever was necessary to turn things around, Nancy Lanza responded with "Thank you for taking the time to meet with AL yesterday . . . . I wanted to let you know that the options you presented are not going to work at this time."


The father at least wanted to follow Yale's recommendations, but his mother had primary custody, so she just continued down the dangerous path, and he didn't know how to turn it around.

Why on earth did she have primary custody of Adam? It just boggles the mind. It sounds as though she was in serious denial and quite possibly had a mental disorder herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a huge amount of sympathy for Nancy Lanza. Hindsight is 20/20, but when you've been living in a situation like that, it can feel impossible. I came across this interview with the writer who told Adam's father's story to The New Yorker. Really good: https://www.npr.org/2014/03/13/289815818/6-interviews-1-reckoning-sandy-hook-killers-dad-breaks-silence

But apart from that, IMHO, we don't really need automatic and semi-automatic weapons for civilian use. They are designed to kill in volume.

I don't see a lot of insight in that article. Of course the father wishes that none of this had ever happened even if that means wishing that Adam had never been born.

What I don't see is how this father had no choice but to allow himself to be complete cut off from a kid who he knew was spending hours a day crying in a dark room, completely isolated with his overwrought mother pulling her hair out and feeling completely helpless.

Is there seriously NOTHING that these parents could have done? How exactly did either one of them expect this situation with their son to end?

His father was a selfish asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a huge amount of sympathy for Nancy Lanza. Hindsight is 20/20, but when you've been living in a situation like that, it can feel impossible. I came across this interview with the writer who told Adam's father's story to The New Yorker. Really good: https://www.npr.org/2014/03/13/289815818/6-interviews-1-reckoning-sandy-hook-killers-dad-breaks-silence

But apart from that, IMHO, we don't really need automatic and semi-automatic weapons for civilian use. They are designed to kill in volume.

I don't see a lot of insight in that article. Of course the father wishes that none of this had ever happened even if that means wishing that Adam had never been born.

What I don't see is how this father had no choice but to allow himself to be complete cut off from a kid who he knew was spending hours a day crying in a dark room, completely isolated with his overwrought mother pulling her hair out and feeling completely helpless.

Is there seriously NOTHING that these parents could have done? How exactly did either one of them expect this situation with their son to end?

I'm PP; I listened to the Fresh Air episode; synopsis is not insightful, I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meet stigma head-on. People on the spectrum are much more likely to be the targets of harassment and violence than the other way around.

Or to put it another way, if everyone with ASD was a gun-crazed murderer there would be nobody left on the planet.

This is truly a tragedy on multiple levels for this family and their community.

But it is not proof of some kind of link between ASD or mental health challenges and the rates of gun deaths in the US.

Every single kid who does a mass shooting is also medicated for things like anxiety, depression, etc.

I think the issue is the pharmaceutical drugs and side effects on young men in particular, that are being glossed over that are the true cause of these mass shootings.

I don't know. Cho (VT shooter) was apparently not being treated for his psychiatric problems. Adam Lanza's mom may not have been able to manage his medication - I read somewhere that he had retreated to his bedroom, blacked out his windows and was communicating with his mom via the internet.

I think that some of this is due to the fact that these are normal, regular parents trying to handle severe psychiatric illnesses all by themselves with no training, no support, little guidance.

My response earlier isn't intended to say that these drugs don't help people- I have friends who have said that anti-depressants have literally save their lives-- but I think you are spot on that these parents are trying to manage mental illness without enough support. I *cannot* imagine leaving a gun unsecured with kids or teens in the house, period. Or leaving a gun unsecured, period- you never know who may pop by for a visit as a few grandparents have tragically discovered.

Maybe the parents who are careless like that are overwhelmed, depressed, somewhat suicidal themselves.

I certainly wondered about that with Nancy Lanza, if she just gave up, and this family in NJ--the mom sounded very depressed.

"Giving up" is very different from training your kid to be a competent killer.

[Anonymous]

I don't think the mother intentionally trained him to kill... she probably thought (wrongly) that guns would be a great hobby for her child. But... with a child exhibiting serious mental health issues (anxiety, disordered thinking, isolation), this was the absolute worst hobby to encourage.

She should have followed expert guidance and had him medicated while he was still a minor and... kept him in some kind of school... seems from the outside at least, like they had enough money to go private if public wasn't working!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a huge amount of sympathy for Nancy Lanza. Hindsight is 20/20, but when you've been living in a situation like that, it can feel impossible. I came across this interview with the writer who told Adam's father's story to The New Yorker. Really good: https://www.npr.org/2014/03/13/289815818/6-interviews-1-reckoning-sandy-hook-killers-dad-breaks-silence

But apart from that, IMHO, we don't really need automatic and semi-automatic weapons for civilian use. They are designed to kill in volume.

You might want that semi-automatic if you're a single parent and you're in a home invasion situation with multiple criminals.

You don't need an SUV or really a car either, but our country is one that is based on liberty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a huge amount of sympathy for Nancy Lanza. Hindsight is 20/20, but when you've been living in a situation like that, it can feel impossible. I came across this interview with the writer who told Adam's father's story to The New Yorker. Really good: https://www.npr.org/2014/03/13/289815818/6-interviews-1-reckoning-sandy-hook-killers-dad-breaks-silence

But apart from that, IMHO, we don't really need automatic and semi-automatic weapons for civilian use. They are designed to kill in volume.

You might want that semi-automatic if you're a single parent and you're in a home invasion situation with multiple criminals.

You don't need an SUV or really a car either, but our country is one that is based on liberty.

Everybody has to decide the risks for themselves, but you or your special needs child are far more likely to kill yourselves with your own gun than die in a home invasion with multiple criminals. We can't have a rational debate about guns in our society, or guns and mental illness in particular, because no matter what you say about it, there is a supposed right in the Constitution that you can have any type or number of weapons for any purpose without restrictions, regulations, registrations, limitations, checks of any kind, and that this right extends without limit to all citizens, regardless of criminal history, past violent behavior, mental state or risk assessments of any kind. Only the Second Amendment enjoys this type of limitless defense. In some states, it's easier for an ex-convict to buy a gun than to vote.

If you have an autistic child at home, please don't have guns. Suicide rates for autism and comorbid disorders are high. If you must have a gun, please secure it so that your child cannot get the gun. Most suicide attempts fail, but most suicide attempts with guns succeed. Mental illness and guns don't mix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the mother intentionally trained him to kill... she probably thought (wrongly) that guns would be a great hobby for her child. But... with a child exhibiting serious mental health issues (anxiety, disordered thinking, isolation), this was the absolute worst hobby to encourage.

She should have followed expert guidance and had him medicated while he was still a minor and... kept him in some kind of school... seems from the outside at least, like they had enough money to go private if public wasn't working!

I read in one of the reports on this that the type of bullets Adam used were the type that expand to do as much damage as possible to the target.

I am not very familiar weapon(s) or ammunition but why on earth would Nancy Lanza be going to the range to target shoot with bullets like that?

[Anonymous]

I read that report on AL. WOW, I am the last person to blame a parent, but the mom was really far gone. Not sure if the report was biased, but she comes across as someone who loves her son, but is way too resistant to consistent help and floating in and out of denial.

[Anonymous]

I see a lot of post about Adams mother but little on Adams father. Why does it fall all on the mother he had this child also. I believe he did not live local. lots of fathers are running from there emotional obligation to raise these children leaving it to all fall on the mother.

[Anonymous]

unfortunately there are good people who lack common sense. as in the case of Mrs. Lanza ,I think she never imagined he would do that. I think to much was on this women's plate. there needs to be better support systems in place for people who are the sole caregiver of asd children. unless you walk a mile in theses parents shoes your opinion really does not hold any weight. AS for gun owners there should be a intense class all about the safety of being a responsible gun owner and if you have a person in the home who maybe on a rating scale of possible threat to having a gun in the home you will not be able to keep a gun in the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see a lot of post about Adams mother but little on Adams father. Why does it fall all on the mother he had this child also. I believe he did not live local. lots of fathers are running from there emotional obligation to raise these children leaving it to all fall on the mother.

Father tried to be in his life, but boy cut off from him.

Mother could have had more support if she put him in school. Child would have gotten services and she would have had a break. Sorry, perhaps she was steeped in depression, but I, a mother of a child with autism, think this mom made some big mistakes. She had the money to get herself therapy and hire an advocate to help her get a good program for her son. Also, she should have tried harder with meds and I am someone who believes in trying everything before going with meds. She was in denial about how far gone her son was and she threw around words like "abuse" which could have been thrown right back at her. Perhaps it's abusive to deny your child an education and access to meds that could help him be a functioning member of society. She pushed away supports, it wasn't that she had none.