Adult son leaving for two years in Peace Corps. How to get him to pack up his stuff?

[Anonymous]

Those of you who are in your 40s and are still hoarding junk at your parents' house need to realize what a burden this is. They will likely be moving to an accessible-friendly condo or assisted living facility or similar at some point. That is a HUGE move, and a huge emotional and physical burden. I've been through it three times with various family members.

They'll have a ton of THEIR OWN items to process. Then there are rooms full of YOUR junk on top of all that?

Do yourselves, and them, a favor and start the process of going through that stuff now. No one needs swimming trophies from the early 80s or middle school yearbooks. Toss, donate or properly store *in your own home.*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who are in your 40s and are still hoarding junk at your parents' house need to realize what a burden this is. They will likely be moving to an accessible-friendly condo or assisted living facility or similar at some point. That is a HUGE move, and a huge emotional and physical burden. I've been through it three times with various family members.

They'll have a ton of THEIR OWN items to process. Then there are rooms full of YOUR junk on top of all that?

Do yourselves, and them, a favor and start the process of going through that stuff now. No one needs swimming trophies from the early 80s or middle school yearbooks. Toss, donate or properly store *in your own home.*

Thanks so much for your insightful commentary on my relationship with my parents, whom you've never met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who are in your 40s and are still hoarding junk at your parents' house need to realize what a burden this is. They will likely be moving to an accessible-friendly condo or assisted living facility or similar at some point. That is a HUGE move, and a huge emotional and physical burden. I've been through it three times with various family members.

They'll have a ton of THEIR OWN items to process. Then there are rooms full of YOUR junk on top of all that?

Do yourselves, and them, a favor and start the process of going through that stuff now. No one needs swimming trophies from the early 80s or middle school yearbooks. Toss, donate or properly store *in your own home.*

Thanks so much for your insightful commentary on my relationship with my parents, whom you've never met.

Adults pretty much universally should take care of their own shit.

[Anonymous]

All my friends have ended up having to deal with their parents' possessions when their parents are no longer able to live independently. What's one more room of stuff?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What cracks me up about this post is that my parents are cleaning the crap out if their 3000 sq. Foot house and giving me boxes and boxes of my grandmother's China and knick knacks from family members I never even met. In fact i even got a box of my sisters stuff for some reason. We live in an 1800 as ft. House and my mother told me she was relieved to get it all out of her house because her house is so small. Remember this OP. Your kids are probably only going to want select things before you die. Don't unload your crap on them because you are sick of having it in your house. In fact, maybe you should start giving all that stuff away when you dump your sons stuff at goodwill.

Why are you taking in this stuff, pp?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is your son. Doesn't he have a room in your house?

Ugh, he's 24.

Really? I'm 44 and I have a room at my parents' house. Of course they use it for a guest room too, but the closet is still filled with childhood stuff and everyone refers to it as my room (and my brother's room is referred to as my brother's and has his stuff; it still has his twin bed).

Dude, that is f'd up. Do your parents a favor and throw out whatever 40-year-old shit is taking up their closets.

+1
I ceased to "have a room at my parent's house" when I got an apartment in college. If the closet is still filled with your childhood stuff, where do guests hang their clothes when they stay there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a cold thread.

Open a bottle of wine, grab him a beer, go in the room with a box and a trash bag. Go ever each item and say, keep, donate or toss.

How much fun would it be to see all his old stuff.

We do this every year at the end of the school year... keep or toss. for clothers, keep, donate or toss. Because of this I got the opportunity to see cool art work I never saw and read a paper or two that were pretty good. (nothing amazing, but gave me some insight)

He is not moving out he is going away for 2 years.... and good for him volunteering for the Peace Corp, giving 27 months of his life.

Yes! This is the way to do it if you want to maintain a good relationship with him. But it still gets the job done.

This isn't a case of arrested development, people. This young man is living abroad for two years in the peace corp,
It's not like he's 44 - he's only 24 and in a period of transition, there is no indication that he intends to move back home upon his return.

I don't have a 24yo, but I have an 18yo who needs to weed out his stuff frequently and every so often I'll just say the next two hours are mine, and we go through each stupid race t-shirt and carton from a purchase and it's done. Know that a young guy doesn't necessarily have the mindset to purge and organize, and if a 24yo is on his way to a competitive and life changing program like the Peace Corps, he probably has a ton on his mind.

Just tell him, "Next Tuesday from 6-8 we pack up your stuff together."

[Anonymous]

When people don't change things it's because they don't want things to change.

He is going away and probably at some level feeling excited but anxious about all the changes that will happen.

He needs to know that you will always love him and you will miss him and you are happy to store his things for him but that he needs to get cracking and have them stored in whatever room or closet you agree upon. Say this too him. Buy boxes. Good luck to him.

[Anonymous]

From this thread, it's easy to see why so many young adults are incapable of managing their lives. FFS, let your kids grow up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From this thread, it's easy to see why so many young adults are incapable of managing their lives. FFS, let your kids grow up!

Doesn't appear as if OP's son is incapable of managing his life, just his stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From this thread, it's easy to see why so many young adults are incapable of managing their lives. FFS, let your kids grow up!

Doesn't appear as if OP's son is incapable of managing his life, just his stuff.

+1 This is a great point. Sounds like OP's son is having trouble with his stuff, not his life, since he had to jump through a lot of hurdles to get the Peace Corps assignment. OP, buy him some boxes, tape and packing paper, and then help him get it all boxed up. This will help avoid hard feelings when he returns and discovers his stuff mistakenly has been thrown out or used or mis-used.

On the other hand, our third child is about 3 weeks away from returning from a year on a church Mission. We can't wait to see him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a cold thread.

Open a bottle of wine, grab him a beer, go in the room with a box and a trash bag. Go ever each item and say, keep, donate or toss.

How much fun would it be to see all his old stuff.

We do this every year at the end of the school year... keep or toss. for clothers, keep, donate or toss. Because of this I got the opportunity to see cool art work I never saw and read a paper or two that were pretty good. (nothing amazing, but gave me some insight)

He is not moving out he is going away for 2 years.... and good for him volunteering for the Peace Corp, giving 27 months of his life.

I agree. Your son is doing an amazing thing, OP. Help him and don't threaten him right before he leaves!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who are in your 40s and are still hoarding junk at your parents' house need to realize what a burden this is. They will likely be moving to an accessible-friendly condo or assisted living facility or similar at some point. That is a HUGE move, and a huge emotional and physical burden. I've been through it three times with various family members.

They'll have a ton of THEIR OWN items to process. Then there are rooms full of YOUR junk on top of all that?

Do yourselves, and them, a favor and start the process of going through that stuff now. No one needs swimming trophies from the early 80s or middle school yearbooks. Toss, donate or properly store *in your own home.*

+1, my siblings and I have cleared out our rooms and closets. When my parents are ready to sell the house it will be a lot easier for them and us. Especially because we are not local to my parents.

[Anonymous]

It's optimal to have a person go through their own stuff and keep, donate and discard. Unfortunately, too many procrastinate and this task falls to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is your son. Doesn't he have a room in your house?

He's not 14, he's 24. He moved out.

Wow OP sounds harsh. I am pretty conservative but the 'I want the room for grandkids" screams of " I have another kid who produced grandkids and I like them better." A better way to handle this is to ask if he needs help or feel nervous as this is a huge commitment. Also an honor as not just anyone can qualify for The Peace Corps.