Would you call the mom?

[Anonymous]

First thought: the girl sounds like a person that I would not want my DD to be friends with.
Second thought: As a parent of preteens, I would want to know. That's very odd behavior and puts up a red flag. But...the mom probably already knows. It's easy to track technology.


Our older DD had two friends at 13 who were shoplifting. She told me, but I didn't tell the parents. How dumb must a parent be if their kid comes home with a $40 top and you know they don't have the money.

DD dumped these friends immediately. And two years later, after talking about it with one of the girls, she's friends with the one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if this puts things in context for any of you, but my nephew was caught looking at "porn" (that's all I know) on a phone at school. He is 13.

The school confiscated the phone (this is in Europe where we are supposedly more "relaxed" than you guys in the US....) and ALL the boys who looked at it, were suspended from their private school for an entire week.

irrelevant completely different issues . Private home v. school-phones get confiscated at school all the time. Do most of you have toddlers??

I would say the contrary - its entirely relevant. The school reaction is a community / social reaction. If they act that strongly, so should the parents of the kids involved in this case. It doesn't matter if they were at a sleep over or a field day, its about their age, accessibility and what is and is not appropriate material.

you are missing the point here, your poor kid... The school has to overreact..parents can use some sense. I will say it again-you DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY WERE LOOKING AT. Relax.

It was "porn" which is illegal for under 18s. It doesn't matter if it was topless women or men with horses, its all porn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if this puts things in context for any of you, but my nephew was caught looking at "porn" (that's all I know) on a phone at school. He is 13.

The school confiscated the phone (this is in Europe where we are supposedly more "relaxed" than you guys in the US....) and ALL the boys who looked at it, were suspended from their private school for an entire week.

irrelevant completely different issues . Private home v. school-phones get confiscated at school all the time. Do most of you have toddlers??

I would say the contrary - its entirely relevant. The school reaction is a community / social reaction. If they act that strongly, so should the parents of the kids involved in this case. It doesn't matter if they were at a sleep over or a field day, its about their age, accessibility and what is and is not appropriate material.

you are missing the point here, your poor kid... The school has to overreact..parents can use some sense. I will say it again-you DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY WERE LOOKING AT. Relax.

It was "porn" which is illegal for under 18s. It doesn't matter if it was topless women or men with horses, its all porn.

Why don't you report it to police then? Just call the other mom to ask for details so you can make full report

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if this puts things in context for any of you, but my nephew was caught looking at "porn" (that's all I know) on a phone at school. He is 13.

The school confiscated the phone (this is in Europe where we are supposedly more "relaxed" than you guys in the US....) and ALL the boys who looked at it, were suspended from their private school for an entire week.

irrelevant completely different issues . Private home v. school-phones get confiscated at school all the time. Do most of you have toddlers??

I would say the contrary - its entirely relevant. The school reaction is a community / social reaction. If they act that strongly, so should the parents of the kids involved in this case. It doesn't matter if they were at a sleep over or a field day, its about their age, accessibility and what is and is not appropriate material.

you are missing the point here, your poor kid... The school has to overreact..parents can use some sense. I will say it again-you DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY WERE LOOKING AT. Relax.

It was "porn" which is illegal for under 18s. It doesn't matter if it was topless women or men with horses, its all porn.

Why don't you report it to police then? Just call the other mom to ask for details so you can make full report

I'm not the OP that's why...

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's unusual for kids this age to be curious and look up this kind of info. I also don't think it's unusual for this kind of thing to happen at slumber parties and probably happens far more often then we as parents know.

I see a lot of scare tactics and nervousness here but no one saying what exactly they fear or what they think will happen as a result of 12 yr old girls looking at these websites once at a party.

My guess is that some girls will be grossed out and never think to look at that stuff again, some girls will be curious and look at it on this other girls phone but not look it up on their own, some girls will be curious and look up a couple sites on their phone. I have a hard time that it's going to lead the whole group of girls to suddenly start engaging in risky behavior or want to emulate the websites.

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty relaxed and would not figure this for outrage, but I absolutely would tell the parent. They should *know* so that can have appropriate conversations with their kid about it.

[Anonymous]

16 and pregnant..maybe 13 and pregnant

[Anonymous]

We had a similar situation when my son was 11 years old. He went to a sleepover and two other boys pulled out phones and showed the others porn videos. We found out when our son explained the acts to his younger brother.

We talked to our sons. We reached out the 4th boy at the sleepover and he confirmed the events. We also explained that we would be limiting exposure to the boys that showed the porn. No more sleepovers with them. No going to their house.

We did not confront the other parents. They however confronted us when their son told them ours was no longer allowed to come over. We explained the version of the story that we were told and how we planned to address it with our child. They called me some choice names and have avoided me for 3 years. The boys have matured and do hang out together. My son was not shunned, I was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a similar situation when my son was 11 years old. He went to a sleepover and two other boys pulled out phones and showed the others porn videos. We found out when our son explained the acts to his younger brother.

We talked to our sons. We reached out the 4th boy at the sleepover and he confirmed the events. We also explained that we would be limiting exposure to the boys that showed the porn. No more sleepovers with them. No going to their house.

We did not confront the other parents. They however confronted us when their son told them ours was no longer allowed to come over. We explained the version of the story that we were told and how we planned to address it with our child. They called me some choice names and have avoided me for 3 years. The boys have matured and do hang out together. My son was not shunned, I was.

It might be easier with boys. We totally isolated the girl who spilled beans to mom. Didn't bully, but she wasn't invited to any birthday parties, sleepovers, etc.

[Anonymous]

If the porn videos are things she got by searching YT, I would talk to my DD, but stay out of it; but if you have any reason to believe she is actually on a forum or interacting with other people via SM at all, then I would say something (concentrating on that aspect).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I dont really think its a huge deal. 12 year olds look at porn. I can remember in the early 90s waiting for our AOL dial up to connect so we could type in "hard penis" in the search engine. We weren't pervy or "bad" or anything…just 12 and curious.

+1. I concur with this and would neither inform another parent nor wish to be informed myself . It is every parent's choice to monitor their child's use of technology as they choose, and if this was something the other child's mother wanted to know I would assume that she already knows. I wouldn't regard it as my business to monitor another child's actions or for another parent to monitor mine in this way.

What in the holy hell is wrong with you lady??

You wouldn't want to be "informed" if some other kid showed your kid hard core porn??

That's a great strategy you got there, keep sticking your head in the sand... I'm sure your kid will benefit greatly from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I dont really think its a huge deal. 12 year olds look at porn. I can remember in the early 90s waiting for our AOL dial up to connect so we could type in "hard penis" in the search engine. We weren't pervy or "bad" or anything…just 12 and curious.

+1. I concur with this and would neither inform another parent nor wish to be informed myself . It is every parent's choice to monitor their child's use of technology as they choose, and if this was something the other child's mother wanted to know I would assume that she already knows. I wouldn't regard it as my business to monitor another child's actions or for another parent to monitor mine in this way.

What in the holy hell is wrong with you lady??

You wouldn't want to be "informed" if some other kid showed your kid hard core porn??

That's a great strategy you got there, keep sticking your head in the sand... I'm sure your kid will benefit greatly from it.

I am sorry your kids require such level of monitoring.

[Anonymous]

That's my feeling-- stay out of it....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16 and pregnant..maybe 13 and pregnant

I'm not that worried about pregnancy because of porn - I'm thinking about how young girls are pressured into giving boys oral sex and sending explicit photos in middle school - which experts think make be linked to the prevalence of and ease of acquiring porn online. It normalizes extreme behavior.

[Anonymous]

No