Open Marriage Article

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
For me, I can understand wanting to have more than one partner, or to be in an arrangement with more than one. Polyfidelity, they call it, either in MFM or FMF varieties.
What I don't understand is the desire to "date around" while married. If one just wants to date lots of people, then why get married in the first place?

Polyamorous woman here. How do you think polyfidelity comes about? Insta-relationships? Nope, triads and other closed configurations sometimes develop after "dating around" and eventually finding another partner who meshes with both of you. Just like how monogamous people don't propose marriage on the first date.

[Anonymous]

I have yet to meet attractive and intelligent poly anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a country of 320 million, does it work for some people? Of course but usually the exception because of all the emotions involved. Also, for heterosexual couples, women have a tremendous advantage finding sex partners (this seems to be implicitly suggested in the article's examples). This inbalance would appear to create issues in and of itself.

+1. I found it interesting, but probably an overly rosy picture. I bet that for every couple that successfully implements this, there are 10 where it blows up in their faces.
I also think it's kind of funny that progressives are fine with this, but are very judgmental about polygamy. I see a lot of benefits to polygamy (especially considering how women traditionally, and even now, just have a shit-ton of work to do in the home, so you might as well split it up), and also think that polyandry should be equally OK (although, as a woman, I can't really see wanting multiple men around the house to ensure that the sporting events are on 100% of the time and the whole house really does smell like sweat...).

Polygamy is patriarchy. It's not the same thing as polyamory or open marriages. So, the distinction is not "funny" and you're a little dim for thinking so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lived in a Muslim country for two years. Men, like my landlord, could have up to four wives. They all seemed to get along. Anyways, if this works for some couples, why criticize it?

Women couldn't have multiple husbands, though, right?

Of course not. No religion has ever accepted that. That's how religions are.

[Anonymous]

Some thoughts:

Society is changing. Forever it was seen as ok, by some, for the man to cheat. Now that women are more open sexually and have higher level jobs, they have more opportunity to join the ranks of cheating and many do.

I like the idea of monogamy. But it is hard to fulfill. The same old day in and day out gets tiring.

Once one cheats, the relationship has been opened. No conversation needed. The cheated on spouse can do as they please.

Most divorces know of were because the female cheated and wanted to leave (not for the AP; just to experience life)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have yet to meet attractive and intelligent poly anything.

It's true. We're all hideous with no thigh gap.

[Anonymous]

Its not the absence of a thigh gap, its the ear spacers, the tattoos and the generally high BMI that seems so rampant amongst the "open marriage" types.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its not the absence of a thigh gap, its the ear spacers, the tattoos and the generally high BMI that seems so rampant amongst the "open marriage" types.

NP. Truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
For me, I can understand wanting to have more than one partner, or to be in an arrangement with more than one. Polyfidelity, they call it, either in MFM or FMF varieties.
What I don't understand is the desire to "date around" while married. If one just wants to date lots of people, then why get married in the first place?

Polyamorous woman here. How do you think polyfidelity comes about? Insta-relationships? Nope, triads and other closed configurations sometimes develop after "dating around" and eventually finding another partner who meshes with both of you. Just like how monogamous people don't propose marriage on the first date.

Hello Polyamorous woman. Do you mind telling us if you are married, and if so, how you came into polyamory? And what relationship configuration you are in now?

[Anonymous]

I really don't care what people do in their marriages as long as both people know the terms and agree to them, and that they aren't hurting other people or their families.

I am not in an open marriage but I'm only 34; I doubt DH and I would end up with one, but who knows, hopefully life is long and we will cross that bridge if we come to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have yet to meet attractive and intelligent poly anything.

I've seen attractive. I've also seen intelligent- but not smart about relationships.

At one point several people in my social circle were poly. A few still are, but every single case had/have hideous dysfunction.

Happy stories for the first year... and then lies, abuse, jealousy, and dissolution. And of course, a lot of these poly relationships between primary partners break up because, surprise, one of them ends up with a deeper connection to a secondary partner and wants to be monogamous with this person they feel they truly love.

This is true in real life and in the countless forum posts online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have yet to meet attractive and intelligent poly anything.

I've seen attractive. I've also seen intelligent- but not smart about relationships.

At one point several people in my social circle were poly. A few still are, but every single case had/have hideous dysfunction.

Happy stories for the first year... and then lies, abuse, jealousy, and dissolution. And of course, a lot of these poly relationships between primary partners break up because, surprise, one of them ends up with a deeper connection to a secondary partner and wants to be monogamous with this person they feel they truly love.

This is true in real life and in the countless forum posts online.

It's kind of like that "friend" you know who won't commit to plans because they want to see if a better deal comes up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
For me, I can understand wanting to have more than one partner, or to be in an arrangement with more than one. Polyfidelity, they call it, either in MFM or FMF varieties.
What I don't understand is the desire to "date around" while married. If one just wants to date lots of people, then why get married in the first place?

Polyamorous woman here. How do you think polyfidelity comes about? Insta-relationships? Nope, triads and other closed configurations sometimes develop after "dating around" and eventually finding another partner who meshes with both of you. Just like how monogamous people don't propose marriage on the first date.

Hello Polyamorous woman. Do you mind telling us if you are married, and if so, how you came into polyamory? And what relationship configuration you are in now?

Yes, I'm married. Quite happily, in fact. My husband is polyamorous as well. We met very young and opened the relationship when I realized I was bisexual. Neither of us wanted to end a good relationship just so that I could explore my sexuality. We realized after I had a few girlfriends in college (and so did he) that being sexually open didn't interfere with the trust and intimacy we had with each other, so we've continued seeing other people through out our relationship. We've tried swinging, but sport f*ing isn't either of our style. I came to identity as poly when I realized I could feel love for my husband and other people simultaneously. I met a woman and fell in love with her, my husband and she were friends for the first year she and I dated, they eventually fell in love as well. We were a triad for a few years. It ended for reasons unrelated to polyamory. She's a good person and I wish her well. My husband and I are still together, still deeply committed to our life together, to being kind and honest, and we're still poly.