Has your life turned out the way that you wanted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nearing 60. Great kid, terrible marriage (separated), mediocre career. Obsessed with making my 60s the best decade of my life by going all out.

My mom's life imploded when in her late 50s (career and relationships in the toilet, homeless, bankrupt, lost pretty much everything you can lose, etc.). She moved, changed careers, and began again. This time she did what she loved, lived in a place she loved, and saved like crazy. She consciously decided to set aside romantic relationships and just focused on being happy on her own. It took a few years, but eventually her new career took off, she found a great apartment in a wonderful town, made a ton of friends, traveled the world, and found great meaning and joy volunteering with a local theater company. Without a doubt, the last 20 years were the happiest of her life. Losing everything was the best thing that ever happened to her.

You can do it too, pp. Just focus on what makes you happy and do that.

Thanks for posting this. As a likely widow-to-be at age 50, I need all the stories like this I can hear.

If this thread had gone up six months ago, I would have posted the same as many of you--great life, financially secure, great marriage, doing everything that I/we want.

And then my husband got a CT scan for some abdominal pain, and is now six months into Stage 4 cancer.

If I may be a downer--everything is fine until it isn't.

I'm sorry, OP. And I hear ya. My spouse was stage IIIB so I sorta get it, but I know it is different. We joined an advocacy group for her illness and lobbied congress. I know this isn't a fun time for lobbying congress. For me, the experience was transformative for me because I met stage IV people who were living fuller lives than I could have imagined despite their circumstances. It screwed my head on a bit better and gave me friends who got it. I am sorry for your situation. I hope you find the people you need.

On behalf of all who have BTDT, I grant you permission to throw out all the people in your life who don't make your life easier.

[Anonymous]

I never had a grand plan or great expectations other than hoping to be as successful and happy as my parents. I think I've done that being happily married for 35+ years, great kids, very successful career and the financial resources to enjoy life and help others. I know I'm very lucky and I'm very happy with my life.

[Anonymous]

I'm 51 and I can say that my life has turned out differently than I expected although in many ways much better than I could have hoped for.

I'm still young enough to realize that there is still more to come in life and I'll have to see what the future brings. But so far so good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm heading towards 50s, just ended 2nd marriage with a large financial loss, and 2years unemployed. My 2 pre-teens have lived with their father and despite my every effort I have limited visitation, and ive accepted ill never be mother of tje year.


I'm moving to a new state to start afresh with a job and life. I'm almost estranged from my formerly close family and most friends but it's for the best.

I hope to yet make the best of it, but it's not what I hoped or expected.

You sound mentally messed up don't marry or date anyone

PP don't listen to this nasty poster!

I'm sorry things have not gone well for you, but you're still alive and still young enough to make a fresh start of it.

I have had a lot of ups and downs in my life, but I have not been defeated by them. I get down and then pull myself up. You can do it, one step at a time. Change is possible, but it's hard work. Get help if you need it. Sorry to be spouting all these platitudes! In my case, they have made a difference. Best of luck to you, PP!

[Anonymous]

When I think I'm unsatisfied, I realize it's a temporary blip. Married, three kids, marriage better than it was when the kids were little. He's a good man and I'm content. Money not a problem. Would like to do more to earn my own but last graduates in a few years and then I am freer to pursue my own desires. I made the decision to put my job on hold for the kids and do not regret it. They have thrived. Lucky enough to be able to pursue hobbies I love and free enough to help family as parents get older.

If I measure my life in the way I've supported the people I love, I'd say I'm 100% happy.

[Anonymous]

Kids - better than I could have ever hoped. Job - good money, less responsibility than I had hoped. Heath = great. Faith life - better than I imagined. Friendships - overall good; have insecurity every now and then over quality and quantity.

Biggest "disappointment" is my marriage. I was hoping for a real partner, not a lazy person who was happy to let me do everything, and was also hoping for a good sex life well into the marriage.

Overall, a very good life so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never had a grand plan or great expectations other than hoping to be as successful and happy as my parents. I think I've done that being happily married for 35+ years, great kids, very successful career and the financial resources to enjoy life and help others. I know I'm very lucky and I'm very happy with my life.

LOL. I felt the same way when I was younger. Now that I'm past 50, it is clear that I fall short as a husband, father, professional and provider. Maybe I should have more of a grand plan! Oh well, next time.

[Anonymous]

I'm 52 and have been the hamster on the wheel. Now I'm looking around and thinking what do I want life to look like? I spent the first part living from crisis to crisis - death of my spouse, death of a child, chronic illness of 2nd spouse, chronic illness of oldest child (now an adult), spousal job losses, moves. I didn't want any of that.

I had my first grandchild this year. I get to watch her every other week. She is an angel. Spending time with her makes me very happy.

[Anonymous]

I never planned life. I just lived it.

If anyone would have told me I'd be where I am today, I would have laughed and said yeah right. Probably rolled my eyes.

Had no expectations yet lived expectations beyond anything my simple self could have dreamed. I truly feel life has been good to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 52 and have been the hamster on the wheel. Now I'm looking around and thinking what do I want life to look like? I spent the first part living from crisis to crisis - death of my spouse, death of a child, chronic illness of 2nd spouse, chronic illness of oldest child (now an adult), spousal job losses, moves. I didn't want any of that.

I had my first grandchild this year. I get to watch her every other week. She is an angel. Spending time with her makes me very happy.

Wow that's so much you've endured.

What kind of jobs have you had? Were you able to work through all the hard situations you've been through?

[Anonymous]

My life is far better than I ever could have hoped, but nothing like I thought it would be.

To borrow from Mike Tyson and apply it to life, Everyone has a plan until life hits you in the face.

[Anonymous]

In college, I imagined myself single and a career warrior, reaching the top ranks of my profession.

My life now: I'm a SAHM of two great kids and I have a satisfying creative avocation. I had a 20-year career with a lot of successes and ego-gratification. Marriage is okay...we are compatible and good partners, but not soul mates. I have good friends and together we have a broad and fun social circle. I am engaged with a faith community and have a "family" there. We want for nothing financially and take "big adventure" trips once a year. We have a summer home. Our kids go to excellent schools. We've worked through some tough challenges with one DC and they have come out healthy and stronger on the other side. It is a good life, and I am grateful.