Has your life turned out the way that you wanted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:50-something here. Life is good. Spouse is awesome. Kids are awesome. Work sucks .... I know. She left me roses by the stairs.....

Didn't expect a Blink 182 reference in the 50 plus forum. Nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes and no. The Chrsitmas card life looks great - good looking family, healthy kids, own two homes and husband's work is good. However, I struggle with personal fulfillment because I am a stay at home mom with three kids which I never expected, and I went into marriage with naive expectations and resent DH a lot. However I feel very fortunate and feel like I have led a full life. If I died tomorrow I think I could feel okay about it all.

This is me to a certain extent. Good life on facebook but being very shy has prevented me from doing a lot of things even though I had the time (sahm) and money.
DH wanted me to stay home. I did too but he was never supportive or encouraging to challenge myself.

[Invictus]

No. Some of it is my fault. I was an insecure, anxiety ridden, depressed teenager and young adult. I had abilities and talents which, if developed, would have taken me in a different direction. The other part was due to genetics. I developed bipolar illness after my father died. I self-admitted myself to the NIMH and they managed to stabilize me. I met a woman, we dated for several years and married. I got into a profession that I enjoyed. Then, 13 years later, my illness re-emerged and from that point on my life began to go downhill. Since 2005, when I stopped working full time, everyday has been a struggle to survive and I don't know from day to day or even within a day, how I'm going feel and function. The marriage, too, has been tempestuous and difficult, which led to developing PTSD. But I won't give up and I won't back down.

[Anonymous]

Author Message
[Post New]12/25/2016 07:11 Subject: Has your life turned out the way that you wanted? [Up]
Anonymous



I never had a vision of my life going in a particular direction. It was more important for me to do what I liked, and whatever direction came from that was OK.

That's worked out pretty well. In hindsight (I'm 60 now) I would have 1) been a little less wasteful with money, and 2) been a better networker in my profession when things were good, which would have helped me more when things are not so good.
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[Post New]12/25/2016 07:20 Subject: Has your life turned out the way that you wanted? [Up]
Anonymous



Anonymous wrote:
Of course luck plays into it. But by luck, I go by the definition I heard from Oprah once: preparation meeting opportunity. So my advice is to be prepared for the opportunities you want. If you want a partner that is kind, adorng and confident, then prepare yourself to be the person who that partner is attracted to. Work on being kind and confident. Treat yourself well, meaning don't put up with nonsense or disrespect.


I copied that and put it on a handy place on my computer. Thank you. A great message for the New Year.
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[Post New]12/25/2016 07:22 Subject: Has your life turned out the way that you wanted? [Up]
Anonymous



Anonymous wrote:
PP here, sorry, didn't realize this was the fifty and over forum!


The Fifty and Over Council will meet and I expect give you a pass. LOL
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[Post New]12/25/2016 11:02 Subject: Has your life turned out the way that you wanted? [Up]
Anonymous



Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Nearing 60. Great kid, terrible marriage (separated), mediocre career. Obsessed with making my 60s the best decade of my life by going all out.


My mom's life imploded when in her late 50s (career and relationships in the toilet, homeless, bankrupt, lost pretty much everything you can lose, etc.). She moved, changed careers, and began again. This time she did what she loved, lived in a place she loved, and saved like crazy. She consciously decided to set aside romantic relationships and just focused on being happy on her own. It took a few years, but eventually her new career took off, she found a great apartment in a wonderful town, made a ton of friends, traveled the world, and found great meaning and joy volunteering with a local theater company. Without a doubt, the last 20 years were the happiest of her life. Losing everything was the best thing that ever happened to her.

You can do it too, pp. Just focus on what makes you happy and do that.


Thanks for posting this. As a likely widow-to-be at age 50, I need all the stories like this I can hear.

If this thread had gone up six months ago, I would have posted the same as many of you--great life, financially secure, great marriage, doing everything that I/we want.

And then my husband got a CT scan for some abdominal pain, and is now six months into Stage 4 cancer.

If I may be a downer--everything is fine until it isn't.

So sorry you are going through this PP. My dad went through something similar when my mom, who was his world, died of cancer at 58. He remarried to a lovely woman whose husband died around the same time, and they have both been very happy for the past 15 years. They have a different relationship than my parents did, but compliment each other well, and my step-mom is the beloved grandmother of 17 now (5 from her kids, 12 from my side). The love that surrounds her is pretty incredible and something she never anticipated when she was going through her first husbands illness.

[Anonymous]

No, it hasn't worked out at all the way I had planned--- it was too good to be true and easy and lucky for a very long time. The last decade has been a struggle to survive emotionally and financially. But, it's my life so I'm happy to have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes and no. The Chrsitmas card life looks great - good looking family, healthy kids, own two homes and husband's work is good. However, I struggle with personal fulfillment because I am a stay at home mom with three kids which I never expected, and I went into marriage with naive expectations and resent DH a lot. However I feel very fortunate and feel like I have led a full life. If I died tomorrow I think I could feel okay about it all.

Soul sister. I feel you.

Another sister here. Reading DCUM to avoid all the prep work that I need to do for work tomorrow. Love/hate my job. Stayed at home for a while and should be much more advanced. Now I have "supervisors" much younger than me. Lots of pressure. Oh well.
Best part of my life-my three fantastic daughters. So smart, together and accomplished, even as teenagers. I can't take all the credit but they are my best accomplishment.
I'm super healthy, busy, definitely not bored with life, but it could be so much better. Reading this thread makes me realize that I have to figure out what will make life better and then make that happen.

[Anonymous]

After reading all the other comments I'm going to piss people off by saying my life turned out better. I married a wonderful woman, we have three accomplished adult children and a bunch of grand children and I've had a great career. Yes, there were bumps in the road career wise and health wise but we have weathered the storms. We know we are blessed. There are things I would like to have changed but I'd be a fool to complain. My DW and I have worked hard to achieve what we have but we know that luck has played a big role.

[Anonymous]

It's funny. You know how some people put out a happy vibe as their default day in and day out aura? Some people are just default upbeat even in difficult circumstances . I'm not talking " make your own luck " or "tough it out" types. Some people have a nice smile and a welcoming demeaner. I think that's what people need to practice if they are looking to be happy and don't have it naturally. Being happy for no reason during your normal life is the only thing you truely have control over. Good habits take root just like bad habits. A kind and generally upbeat vibe has a tendency to draw people to you on top of making you happier in general. Anybody can do it and it's not complicated.

[Anonymous]

No but as The Chinese fortune cookie says "May you live in interesting times" and yes I do and my life has become quite interesting to me via career change, getting out of my comfort zone etc. So different but not dull.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately not for me. Beautiful caring wife but with childhood issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes and no. The Chrsitmas card life looks great - good looking family, healthy kids, own two homes and husband's work is good. However, I struggle with personal fulfillment because I am a stay at home mom with three kids which I never expected, and I went into marriage with naive expectations and resent DH a lot. However I feel very fortunate and feel like I have led a full life. If I died tomorrow I think I could feel okay about it all.

This is me to a certain extent. Good life on facebook but being very shy has prevented me from doing a lot of things even though I had the time (sahm) and money.
DH wanted me to stay home. I did too but he was never supportive or encouraging to challenge myself.

+3

I SAH, and I've hated it right from the beginning. I've really lost myself. I used to be ambitious and fearless, now I'm a little scared mouse. I'm 55 and have not worked for more than 20 years. My children all have health problems. Posters who don't have kids with health problems have no idea how all-encompassing an ill child is. My kids are OK, mostly, now, but I'm lost, and sad about it. DH doesn't get it because he's worked all along, has a thriving career.

So, no, my life has not turned out the way I wanted. I'm sorely disappointed, but when you have children, you never know what you're going to get. I couldn't abandon them, so here I am.

[Anonymous]

OP's question is interesting; if I take it literally "the way I wanted...(Is my life the way I wanted it to turn out when I was younger and imagining what I wanted to be at 50+")

Then I'd say no, my life deviated significantly from where I thought I was going, and where I planned to go.

If OP's question is, "are you happy with your life, now, and what you've done with it up until this point?" then yes.

I'd glad I had those big aspirations, and I'm also glad that I was flexible enough to move them aside when the real things worth having came about.

[Anonymous]

No. never really got our groove back after a bout with cancer. Married, have high school daughter. I am always playing catchup and reacting. I feel my parenting is reactive, rather than valuedriven. I'm tired. The new president has made my workplace tense and the work boring. Too late in life to make changes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just turned 50, and yes it's turned out great. I have a wife I love dearly, and after 20+ years together we got married. (I'm a lesbian). Our 2 kids are beautiful, healthy and doing well in school. I'm where I want to be in my career and truly enjoy what I'm doing. We are all healthy and laugh a lot.

Of course luck plays into it. But by luck, I go by the definition I heard from Oprah once: preparation meeting opportunity. So my advice is to be prepared for the opportunities you want. If you want a partner that is kind, adorng and confident, then prepare yourself to be the person who that partner is attracted to. Work on being kind and confident. Treat yourself well, meaning don't put up with nonsense or disrespect.

Ugh, you're so smug. Tell me about the prep/opportunity of getting an illness/disease, being widowed, having a special needs child, etc.

That's what I can't stand about Oprah. She'd say it was my fault that my professional life didn't go as planned. I'd say I made a conscious choice to to step back for a few years to handle some family illness issues and despite my best prep, no opportunities have shown up to permit me to get myself back on my old track. I'm mostly at peace with my choices (and I take "for better or worse" very seriously) but Oprah would lay it all on me. Now, If spouse had actually died instead of just been debilitated for a few years, I'd be a martyr and praised by all. Not a fan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm heading towards 50s, just ended 2nd marriage with a large financial loss, and 2years unemployed. My 2 pre-teens have lived with their father and despite my every effort I have limited visitation, and ive accepted ill never be mother of tje year.


I'm moving to a new state to start afresh with a job and life. I'm almost estranged from my formerly close family and most friends but it's for the best.

I hope to yet make the best of it, but it's not what I hoped or expected.

You sound mentally messed up don't marry or date anyone