Screaming, yelling husband

[Anonymous]

Op and other similarly affected spouses, read this. (You can ignore the Christian parts if you aren't Christian. It has relevant info regardless of your religious affiliation or lack there of.)
http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/life-with-dr-jekyll-and-mr-hyde-the-verbally-abusive-marriage-11597290.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a few women who divorced their nice, sweet, quiet husbands after two decades of boredom. "Yes dear" gets old quickly...especially after you've devolved to sexless roommates.

BS. The middle-aged women don't divorce their husbands. It's the middle-aged husbands who trade in their middle-aged wives for a younger, more exciting model.

Actually, many do.

1. The kids are grown and out of the house or at least old enough to not require two adults under the same roof in order to survive.
2. If she maintained her career during her child-bearing years, she should be at a level where she can afford to support herself in a respectable fashion. She may even be at "the jump" where she can either aggressively build her current career or transition to a new one without starting at entry level.
3. She's had 20 years of his behavior and can't stomach the idea of 30 more.
4. Her sexuality likely changed in her mid-40s and early 50s. Normal hormonal changes can alter what she needs in bed. If the couple was having great sex, she may continue to enjoy it, but need lube for the first time in their marriage. If the sex was just okay or transactional (to avoid "SBU" so the husband would help with the kids), she may be less inclined to engage in it regularly because she isn't getting much out of it anymore. If the sex was bad, she's aware that other men (and/or women) find her attractive and she wants to explore those sexual possibilities without having an affair.
5. She sees that her friends who divorced during their child-bearing years got past the worst years (involving custody and CS conflict) and are now thriving personally and socially. They may be happily dating without looking for commitment or they might have started a successful and satisfying relationship with a new man. He's not Mr. Wonderful, but he's good in bed, treats her well, and picks up his own damn socks (likely because that was one factor in his own divorce 10 years ago when his wife got sick of cleaning up after the kids and him).
6. He was the additional child. 20 or more years have passed and he has "failure to launch". She realizes that he will never pick up his own damn socks, help prepare the house for guests, remember important dates on his own, or stop pouting because she can't stop something important to do what he wants (often a BJ). She gave him roots, now it's time to give him wings.
7. His mid-life crisis is impacting her negatively. She can't/won't navigate both her own menopause and his existential angst over the fact that young women don't think he's hot anymore.
8. He was abusive. Maybe not physically, but he emotionally or financially abused her. Despite it all, she's experienced the burst of female empowerment that hits at middle age. The kids are out of the house so she doesn't have to worry that he'll retaliate with custody battles or abducting the kids. She can move anywhere in the country or the world. She just has to walk out the door. She begins to smile again.

This is exactly where I'm at right now...

[Anonymous]

my dad was like this my whole life. He is a great guy, but a violent temper. Never abused us verbal or physical, but threw things, broke doors, put his head through walls, yelled in public, etc. over things that other parents would have just put us in time out for. He did this to my mom too. She stuck with him, but took her resentment to the grave. We are a close family. I never wanted my parents to divorce. All I can say is if he is a good caring generous person underneath, like my dad, try to get him to go to therapy. I wonder if medication coul dhelp. We learned recently that my dad has a neurological disorder that is genetic that may have caused his impulsive temper. That made me feel a little more compassionate abou tit. But in our culture, people dont easily seek mental health. Anyway. now I am married to someome of another culture and he also yells and screams. I do too but only when he pushes me to the limit. I agree that all of this is toxic for children. I wish I had married someone with a cooler temperament.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a few women who divorced their nice, sweet, quiet husbands after two decades of boredom. "Yes dear" gets old quickly...especially after you've devolved to sexless roommates.

BS. The middle-aged women don't divorce their husbands. It's the middle-aged husbands who trade in their middle-aged wives for a younger, more exciting model.

Actually, many do.

1. The kids are grown and out of the house or at least old enough to not require two adults under the same roof in order to survive.
2. If she maintained her career during her child-bearing years, she should be at a level where she can afford to support herself in a respectable fashion. She may even be at "the jump" where she can either aggressively build her current career or transition to a new one without starting at entry level.
3. She's had 20 years of his behavior and can't stomach the idea of 30 more.
4. Her sexuality likely changed in her mid-40s and early 50s. Normal hormonal changes can alter what she needs in bed. If the couple was having great sex, she may continue to enjoy it, but need lube for the first time in their marriage. If the sex was just okay or transactional (to avoid "SBU" so the husband would help with the kids), she may be less inclined to engage in it regularly because she isn't getting much out of it anymore. If the sex was bad, she's aware that other men (and/or women) find her attractive and she wants to explore those sexual possibilities without having an affair.
5. She sees that her friends who divorced during their child-bearing years got past the worst years (involving custody and CS conflict) and are now thriving personally and socially. They may be happily dating without looking for commitment or they might have started a successful and satisfying relationship with a new man. He's not Mr. Wonderful, but he's good in bed, treats her well, and picks up his own damn socks (likely because that was one factor in his own divorce 10 years ago when his wife got sick of cleaning up after the kids and him).
6. He was the additional child. 20 or more years have passed and he has "failure to launch". She realizes that he will never pick up his own damn socks, help prepare the house for guests, remember important dates on his own, or stop pouting because she can't stop something important to do what he wants (often a BJ). She gave him roots, now it's time to give him wings.
7. His mid-life crisis is impacting her negatively. She can't/won't navigate both her own menopause and his existential angst over the fact that young women don't think he's hot anymore.
8. He was abusive. Maybe not physically, but he emotionally or financially abused her. Despite it all, she's experienced the burst of female empowerment that hits at middle age. The kids are out of the house so she doesn't have to worry that he'll retaliate with custody battles or abducting the kids. She can move anywhere in the country or the world. She just has to walk out the door. She begins to smile again.

This is exactly where I'm at right now...

You hit the nail on the head. So right here right now.