Financial aid resources when your school doesn't offer it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What zip code a family lives in is irrelevant if they are sending their kids to private school, except to the extent it is an area with good public schools and it opens up an OOB slot. I am not sure of the point of your rant against McLean, Bethesda, etc. Life is full of choices. Not everyone gets to go to private school just like not everyone gets to drive the car they most want. If I could not afford to send my kid to private school, I would move to somewhere with acceptable schools, even if it mean getting a much smaller house than what I wanted. Not everyone needs to attend TJ.

What is TJ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What zip code a family lives in is irrelevant if they are sending their kids to private school, except to the extent it is an area with good public schools and it opens up an OOB slot. I am not sure of the point of your rant against McLean, Bethesda, etc. Life is full of choices. Not everyone gets to go to private school just like not everyone gets to drive the car they most want. If I could not afford to send my kid to private school, I would move to somewhere with acceptable schools, even if it mean getting a much smaller house than what I wanted. Not everyone needs to attend TJ.

And thus you reinforce the point - when was the last time you checked out rents or prices of even very small homes in the zip codes with the best public schools? They are still much more expensive than even large homes in neighborhoods with schools that aren't that great. So, I respectfully submit that the choice to simply move to a more desirable zip code so that a kid can attend a decent public school is an illusory choice for many people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
And thus you reinforce the point - when was the last time you checked out rents or prices of even very small homes in the zip codes with the best public schools? They are still much more expensive than even large homes in neighborhoods with schools that aren't that great. So, I respectfully submit that the choice to simply move to a more desirable zip code so that a kid can attend a decent public school is an illusory choice for many people.

On the other hand, how often on these boards have I seen recommend that home buyers could get so much more house for their money by looking in less expensive districts--whose schools are sometimes much less strong? My neighborhood has a great public school but gets a lot of flack for the small houses typical of the area. We ended up in a modest house here when we could have had an 8-bedroom historic house that was on the market at the same time, in the same price range, but was zoned for schools that seemed problematic. Sometimes--certainly not all the time--people choose to have the nicer house and hope for the best with the schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What zip code a family lives in is irrelevant if they are sending their kids to private school, except to the extent it is an area with good public schools and it opens up an OOB slot. I am not sure of the point of your rant against McLean, Bethesda, etc. Life is full of choices. Not everyone gets to go to private school just like not everyone gets to drive the car they most want. If I could not afford to send my kid to private school, I would move to somewhere with acceptable schools, even if it mean getting a much smaller house than what I wanted. Not everyone needs to attend TJ.

Do people get go choose whether they will be privileged or is privilege bestowed on those who work the hardest and deserve it the most or is it luck? I'm hopeful that you can share your thoughts on how the less privileged could have made better choices... I'm talking about the privileges that some enjoy in spite of themselves and those that are elusive for others despite their best efforts to move ahead from one generation to the next ...

[Anonymous]

In my case privilege was bestowed on somebody who studied her a** off, then worked incredibly hard. Yes, I was lucky to have very smart parents. Being smart helps. My dad had his first job at 12. My mom was born on a farm in the rural south. Her mother didn't learn to read until into her 70s. My dad worked very hard and very long hours. He was the first person in his family to go to college, which he did by going back at night, working fulltime during the day, after my older sister was born. He graduated second in his class. My mom did not go to college until I was in high school. I have heard all the stories about buying the day old bread, the expired meat, the cans for a quarter at the store (which were that cheap because they had no label so it was a crap shoot as to what was inside). Add to that snow covering you when you woke up because your bedroom was in the attic and the roof sucked. Oh, and my parents are good with credit because they saw things repossessed too many times not to want to ever be in that boat.

I went to public school K-12. I had to attend a different college for a year so he could figure out how to pay for the much better one I got into. He finally did it by selling his house to pay for my senior year. I borrowed my way through grad school and worked extremely hard. I am the first person in my family to go to grad school. I got a top job, and I didn't bomb out in it. I outearn my husband, who came from a more privileged background (although not one that provides us any income). If you think this was just handed to me, and that I had nothing to do with it, then look at my younger sister: flunked out of college and can't keep a job at Cracker Barrel because she always knows such much more than anybody else and thinks the world owes her.

So, yes, I now make a lot of money. I pay my nanny about as much as my Dad ever made, even after his last big promotion. The fact that I can shell out $60K a year because I don't want to send my kids to the public school on the "good schools" list is something I earned. No yachts, no country clubs, no private jets growing up here. Just an incredible amount of very hard work. Those who say it's not fair that they can't send their kids to private school, well, neither could my parents. They accepted it and pushed me to do my best where I was. They didn't teach me that the deck was stacked against me by "rich people."

[Anonymous]

I repeat ... life is not fair. Not all children can go to the perfect school for them. Parents need to do the best they can. Parents earning $100k, even in the DC area, have all kinds of options available to them. Quit pretending that this is not so and make the choices that are right for your family. Any parent who reads to their children and loves/hugs them often is giving them the most important things in life. Private school is nice, but not necessary for a happy, successful life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Just curious - do you believe that all children, regardless of race or class are entitled to the same quality public education?

Sure, why not. I also believe that all women, regardless of race or class or age or number of pregnancies are entitled to boobs that don't sag. In reality, mine would be much perkier with cosmetic surgical assistance. Life just isn't fair.

[Anonymous]

I'll throw out a controversial idea.. First of all many low income families don't even contemplate applying to the more expensive private schools. They may not know that FA exists or they may worry about their child not fitting in with a different socio economic group. In fact, I've heard school administrators discuss how difficult it is for some very low income students to fit in and some schools have programs dedicated to helping them cope socially. As other posters have said, in these cases, the entire $33k would have to be paid. I think it's great when this can happen. But I see nothing wrong with helping more middle (in the realm of private schools) class families who can afford some of the tuition, but not all. These schools have financial aid budgets and FA adm because they want economic diversity and there are plenty of smart, talented, charming students that add to the school, but whose parents need some financial help to attend. I don't get the hostility concerning FA. Do people feel the same way about FA for college?

[Anonymous]

I applied for FA this year and could maybe afford as much as $5000 a year for schools that cost around $20,000. My neighbors looked at me like I was insane for even thinking about applying to a school that costs that much. I told them that the school actually encourage families like mine to apply and I was told so at the FA meetings this fall. So I think the PP is correct that most people, unless they are rich and can afford the full tuition do not even consider applying.

[Anonymous]

I work in a top school and am compelled to write by the nastiness on this board.

We WANT to attract families of all income levels. Our school is extremely expensive, so if a family of middle income or extenuating circumstances applies for aid, they will receive it. It's part of our school's philosophy and it was made abundantly clear to you during the open houses, playdates, and orientations.

So, we're going to ask you to contribute from time to time. IF you have the means and inclination, do so. If you don't, don't. No one is holding a gun to your head, and it won't affect your child's education. But we do notice.

Please note that your annual fund giving does NOT support financial aid. It is an attempt to close the gap between the cost of your child's education and your tuition. Unless you're giving above the gap number (which your development office can identify), then your donation is actually keeping the lights on and not subsidizing one of those parasite families you seem to have such disdain for.

I have news for the more self-righteous on this board. If you're attending a top school that has been around for more than 20 years, you are receiving a form of aid.

It comes in the form of very large contributions made by past and present donors. As high as your tuition is, it would be higher if not for them. Do you like the beautiful facilities? They were made possible by past donors, and not past tuition. Do you appreciate your child's science teacher? He was attracted to your school by the Chair that subsidizes his salary -- again not being paid by your tuition, but by a past alum or other supporter.

These donors didn't question (or if they did, overcame their doubts) whether you deserve the top faculty, the most beautiful buildings -- because after all, you are all earning $200K plus and should just pay for them yourselves.

Please dial down the indignation.

[Anonymous]

Nicely put, PP. Might I add that in some cases, not only did past parents donate large sums of money, they also donated unbelievable amounts of time, property, sweat equity, and for those schools that integrated well before segregation was outlawed, social equity to the school. So when you donate to annual giving and donate a few hours to a fundraiser ... compare your efforts to those who have gone before and be very grateful. I know I am.

[Anonymous]

Great post. Looks can be very deceiving. None of us have any idea how much our neighbors and friends have in their bank accounts, so we have no idea whether they can afford private school or not. There are people who look like they have modest incomes who in reality have a million dollars in the bank. And you have others who might wear a nice dress or two but have no money in the bank. Some people have school loans, medical bills for an ailing parent, or have recently lost their jobs; however, they choose not to broadcast it to you--because it's none of your business.

So for those who think middle class families shouldn't apply for FA, you are not in a position to make such demands. The SCHOOL looks very closely at the finances of the family and makes the determination--not you! If the school thinks FA is not appropriate, then they won't make the award--plain and simple.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it is as black and white as some make it out to be. The avg grant at most schools is $12-15K. That still leaves ~$15-18K tuition responsibility for parents. To achieve "socio-economic" diversity, the grants would have to be a lot larger for a family of three or four making less than $100K to send kids to private schools. In case some of you forgot, $18K is a lot of money for the kind of people financial aid programs were originally supposed to help.

What is the answer? Do you offer larger grants to one or two people or smaller grants to 20 people? How many low income families can really afford $18K? Achieving socio-economic diversity also includes incorporating middle class families into the mix because, let's face it, a lot of middle class families can afford to pay $18-$20K/child but can not afford $30K/child.

Private school tuition has risen ~38-40% in the last three years. With the excpetion of the truly wealthy and those professions that rake in six figure bonuses, other salaries have not risen proportionately to that level. I think this is why more middle class families are making a plea for financial aid.

Thank you! I'm glad someone finally gets it..

[Anonymous]

Thank you for sharing your perspective. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Anonymous wrote:I work in a top school and am compelled to write by the nastiness on this board.

We WANT to attract families of all income levels. Our school is extremely expensive, so if a family of middle income or extenuating circumstances applies for aid, they will receive it. It's part of our school's philosophy and it was made abundantly clear to you during the open houses, playdates, and orientations.

So, we're going to ask you to contribute from time to time. IF you have the means and inclination, do so. If you don't, don't. No one is holding a gun to your head, and it won't affect your child's education. But we do notice.

Please note that your annual fund giving does NOT support financial aid. It is an attempt to close the gap between the cost of your child's education and your tuition. Unless you're giving above the gap number (which your development office can identify), then your donation is actually keeping the lights on and not subsidizing one of those parasite families you seem to have such disdain for.

I have news for the more self-righteous on this board. If you're attending a top school that has been around for more than 20 years, you are receiving a form of aid.

It comes in the form of very large contributions made by past and present donors. As high as your tuition is, it would be higher if not for them. Do you like the beautiful facilities? They were made possible by past donors, and not past tuition. Do you appreciate your child's science teacher? He was attracted to your school by the Chair that subsidizes his salary -- again not being paid by your tuition, but by a past alum or other supporter.

These donors didn't question (or if they did, overcame their doubts) whether you deserve the top faculty, the most beautiful buildings -- because after all, you are all earning $200K plus and should just pay for them yourselves.

Please dial down the indignation.

[Anonymous]

I have made large capital campaign gifts. However, if the schools are now endorsing the oft-repeated notion on this thread that my kids will be valueless and soulless unless they go to school with kids from families of HHIs of 100-250K, then I question the values of the school. I guess all the soup kitchen stuff these schools trot out for open houses is for show?

I am happy to give to the annual fund, tuition auction, and capital campaigns. I view it as being part of a school community. But don't tell me my kids and I suck unless this other group of very well off people are given free reign to insult us on this board. This entire thread, from the beginning, has had plenty of rhetoric on both sides. I am happy for families who need aid to get it. Just don't tell me I owe it to you, or tell me how much I suck when I express a wish (perhaps unrealistic as a PP points out), that somebody like a single mom who has an HHI of 60K would be the one getting it instead. I personally think there are people with high incomes as compared to anywhere else in the world except the DC, LA and NY private school markets have other choices they could make, but the single mom in NE doesn't. That doesn't mean I stop giving. But it is very unfortunate that this thread, where you all can tell the donors how much we all suck once again, was revived right before auction season. It was really poor timing.

Hopefully when I am in that room with the other parents from my school, and think about how much my child loves the children she goes to school with, and how lucky we are to have done so well, I will be feeling generous. Hopefully I won't hear some of you going on about how people like me have no values and how you need to be at the school to save us. The funny thing is none of you in the room would pick me out as rich, so perhaps you'll save the lectures for the celebrities in the room so I can go and feel good about what I am doing. Maybe I will remember the stories I heard last year about families already in our school who got killed in the downturn and how we needed to help them, and then I won't care what you people on this board think.

[Anonymous]

Hey 12:31. You do NOT suck, nor do your children. I was raised in a family with parents who actually believe that you do ... it took many years of living to unlearn such ideas. I agree that it is insulting to suggest that rich children could not possibly turn out to be kind, interesting, good people unless they are "fortunate" enough to hang out with "middle income" children ... which are then defined as children of families with household income of $200k. LMAO So thanks for your many contributions, not only to your children's school(s), but no doubt to the wider community too.