Had the extended family vacation yet this summer? Tell us the worst!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are finishing up Day 1 of a trip out to see DHs extended family out in a Great Plains state with the ILs. Things that are miserable already: minor heat wave (90 F) but the houses have no A/C; wildfires nearby making the entire town hazy and smell like a bonfire and there are air quality warnings for kids and elderly; extended family lives all in the same neighborhood so it's a constant revolving door of 20+ people in and out of the house all day; we are being dragged to a remote national park area for hiking and 'sightseeing' with a 1 and 4 yo that's a 3 hour drive away.

Is it Day 5 yet so we can come home?

I plead a lot of headaches on in law visits like these so I can retire to the bedroom while DH deals with his family and the kids. My ILs probably think I suffer from migranes, or am a hypochondriac ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are finishing up Day 1 of a trip out to see DHs extended family out in a Great Plains state with the ILs. Things that are miserable already: minor heat wave (90 F) but the houses have no A/C; wildfires nearby making the entire town hazy and smell like a bonfire and there are air quality warnings for kids and elderly; extended family lives all in the same neighborhood so it's a constant revolving door of 20+ people in and out of the house all day; we are being dragged to a remote national park area for hiking and 'sightseeing' with a 1 and 4 yo that's a 3 hour drive away.

Is it Day 5 yet so we can come home?

I plead a lot of headaches on in law visits like these so I can retire to the bedroom while DH deals with his family and the kids. My ILs probably think I suffer from migranes, or am a hypochondriac ...

Yep, this. My inlaws think I poop and shower A LOT and also go to bed at 9.

[Anonymous]

I don't even understand how you go hiking with a 4 yo and a 1 yo. My 4 yo walks about one mile per hour and my 1 yo just runs off in any random direction.

And life without a/c ain't worth living, my friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My worst:
A month ago we came to visit my Dad in Coastal NC. One DC was sick and on prednisone (low dose) and ended up mot working and we had to try again with a bigger dose when we got home, which worked. (Other DC had the same issue for the first three weeks of summer "vacation) We spent zero days at the beach as a result. Dad was not up to walking more than his cardio- rehab requirements. When we got back, the dog has a hot spot and was also put on prednisone and had to wear an e-collar for a month. My sister had a mastectomy.

I am back, alone a month later. Dad is in the hospital and I expect about to be transferred to hospice. My sister started her chemo this week, so it will be me for the duration.

I'll take passive aggressive alive and healthy relatives any day.

Maybe you could start your own thread instead of killing this one. Your complaints are justified. So are the complaints of others.

Different poster here. Agree that while I am sorry for PP, this is an inappropriate post on this thread. While anyone in their right mind MIGHT take well relatives (ILs?) over non well relatives, your argument is moot here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My worst:
A month ago we came to visit my Dad in Coastal NC. One DC was sick and on prednisone (low dose) and ended up mot working and we had to try again with a bigger dose when we got home, which worked. (Other DC had the same issue for the first three weeks of summer "vacation) We spent zero days at the beach as a result. Dad was not up to walking more than his cardio- rehab requirements. When we got back, the dog has a hot spot and was also put on prednisone and had to wear an e-collar for a month. My sister had a mastectomy.

I am back, alone a month later. Dad is in the hospital and I expect about to be transferred to hospice. My sister started her chemo this week, so it will be me for the duration.

I'll take passive aggressive alive and healthy relatives any day.

I'm sorry that your family is going through such difficult times. It's sad and horrible when family gets so seriously ill. Out of curiosity, who is watching your children while you tend to your dad (and possibly sister?). I'm just wondering how people with kids juggle the demands of caring for kids + helping ill older family members. You have a lot on your plate right now. I'm sorry.

I know people who go through this, and they piece together friends who are like family. Some "family", or in this case some ILs, are absolutely useless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are finishing up Day 1 of a trip out to see DHs extended family out in a Great Plains state with the ILs. Things that are miserable already: minor heat wave (90 F) but the houses have no A/C; wildfires nearby making the entire town hazy and smell like a bonfire and there are air quality warnings for kids and elderly; extended family lives all in the same neighborhood so it's a constant revolving door of 20+ people in and out of the house all day; we are being dragged to a remote national park area for hiking and 'sightseeing' with a 1 and 4 yo that's a 3 hour drive away.

Is it Day 5 yet so we can come home?

I plead a lot of headaches on in law visits like these so I can retire to the bedroom while DH deals with his family and the kids. My ILs probably think I suffer from migranes, or am a hypochondriac ...

Yep, this. My inlaws think I poop and shower A LOT and also go to bed at 9.

This was the year that I explained to my clueless husband that I'm not going to bed at 8:30, I'm just watching tv in the room and avoiding the grilling by MIL

[Anonymous]

Just got back from vacation with extended family. We rented a 4 bedroom beach condo. DH's family stayed with us the first half of the week. My family stayed the second half. We payed for everything but did ask all who attended to plan a dinner one night.

The only drama was from my brother's wife, and really it was pretty minor. They were married two years ago and I haven't seen them since the wedding. (They visit her family ALOT, but have only seen my parents twice and me zero times.) Anyway, she very clearly avoids everyone in my family (sleeps late, goes to bed early, is on the beach when we are inside and vice versa, goes out to eat with my brother alone every night). She also becomes angry with my brother for not spending more time with her. Seriously. Last night there, my brother announces to everyone that they want a nice family photo (all of us) on the beach. DH and I don't care for posed photographs, but I know other people do. (Why she wants a photo when she obviously doesn't like any of us is a mystery.) So we make ourselves presentable and go outside, find someone to take two photos and then kind of walk around for a minute. Then she discovers the photos we took were on low-res not high res so she (and my mom) want to take more. By this time my kids (ages 6 months and 2 years) are hot and fussy. DH and I announce that we are done and go inside. I think that pissed her off because we were subsequently disinvited from dinner and neither she nor my brother talked to us much at all after that.

I'm sad because I realized that I'm just never going to be close with my brother given his choice in bride. She doesn't like me and doesn't want to know me at all! And he seems to be ok with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just got back from vacation with extended family. We rented a 4 bedroom beach condo. DH's family stayed with us the first half of the week. My family stayed the second half. We payed for everything but did ask all who attended to plan a dinner one night.

The only drama was from my brother's wife, and really it was pretty minor. They were married two years ago and I haven't seen them since the wedding. (They visit her family ALOT, but have only seen my parents twice and me zero times.) Anyway, she very clearly avoids everyone in my family (sleeps late, goes to bed early, is on the beach when we are inside and vice versa, goes out to eat with my brother alone every night). She also becomes angry with my brother for not spending more time with her. Seriously. Last night there, my brother announces to everyone that they want a nice family photo (all of us) on the beach. DH and I don't care for posed photographs, but I know other people do. (Why she wants a photo when she obviously doesn't like any of us is a mystery.) So we make ourselves presentable and go outside, find someone to take two photos and then kind of walk around for a minute. Then she discovers the photos we took were on low-res not high res so she (and my mom) want to take more. By this time my kids (ages 6 months and 2 years) are hot and fussy. DH and I announce that we are done and go inside. I think that pissed her off because we were subsequently disinvited from dinner and neither she nor my brother talked to us much at all after that.

I'm sad because I realized that I'm just never going to be close with my brother given his choice in bride. She doesn't like me and doesn't want to know me at all! And he seems to be ok with that.

SIL here. It is up to you to reach out. There are more of you (ILs) than her, you know. I found this out the hard way - my SIL was "difficult" until I (and my sisters) made the effort to include her. When we decided to be warm, welcoming, and inclusive, she changed considerably.

Let's face it, we compare the ILs to our own families, like it or not. Try to be a favorable comparison. It costs nothing; and you are an adult, right? Besides, we only see each other a few times a year, and being nice is not going to kill you - or even "compromise" your status in your family, if that is what you are worried about (you'd be surprised!)

Whatever you do - do NOT roll your eyes, ask prodding questions, or sound hypercritical. Be reciprocal: if you ask information of her, try to have the conversation go both ways. Otherwise, it will seem rude. I have found my SILs did some of this stuff, and it made me feel unwelcome. Are you doing any of this? Would you admit it if you did? Is your family insular and exclusionary? None of these will help the situation; and your SIL is here to stay (perhaps in spite of you?!) - so you may as well step it up and make the effort. She doesn't really owe you anything, but you can decide to be nice and get along.

What I found out along the way about my ILs was not favorable at all. Actually, it made my family look normal But really, I would rather they had been kind and forthcoming all along, instead of so clearly hiding issues, in my ILs case.

[Anonymous]

PP here. Your post caught my attention (PP), because my SILs and MIL were the type to resist almost *anything* I suggested. So I know where your SIL is coming from. Actually, I am familiar with both sides of the SIL issue. GL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- I was taking a shower and my MIL wandered into the bedroom, poked around my dresser and then tried on almost all of my jewelry and then proceeded to WEAR IT ALL DAY. This includes my engagement ring.

- On the night I was in charge of dinner, I made a meal I had been confident was a favorite of MIL's (she's made it herself several times when we'd been over, raved about it, and both DH and FIL have said separately how much she likes it). She sat down and looked at the meal before saying "Oh, I don't eat that. I only eat ... organic meat." I replied, "It is organic." She then said, "Oh. I ... don't eat meat." So I said "Oh, you've stopped eating meat? Okay, well there's plenty to eat with all the sides." She shook her head, "Oh no, that would make me too full." Too full for WHAT? Dinner? I gave up at that point.

-FIL farts and acts like it didn't happen because he thinks nobody can hear it.

- FIL pulled DH aside and quietly suggested it was inappropriate of me to wear a bikini when we went to the beach. Luckily I trained DH to be a feminist so he was able to properly defend me, but it wasn't enough to stop FIL from looking at me over his glasses, pursing his lips, sighing and shaking his head each time he saw me in a bikini. Had to resist the urge to say "Why don't you just come right out and call me a harlot?"

LOLOLOLOLOL

[Anonymous]

I don't think of visits to my IL's house as vacations. As much as I like them personally, it's just an obligation.

And this year, my FIL was serving a prison term for a white collar crime (the sentence was bullshit, really, but it's a long story) and was found to have cancer. We fought all summer to get him the hell home (he was granted a compassionate release). So, our trip this year was to figure out their life now that he is paralyzed from the waist down and probably will be dead by next year.

What a fun trip, huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are finishing up Day 1 of a trip out to see DHs extended family out in a Great Plains state with the ILs. Things that are miserable already: minor heat wave (90 F) but the houses have no A/C; wildfires nearby making the entire town hazy and smell like a bonfire and there are air quality warnings for kids and elderly; extended family lives all in the same neighborhood so it's a constant revolving door of 20+ people in and out of the house all day; we are being dragged to a remote national park area for hiking and 'sightseeing' with a 1 and 4 yo that's a 3 hour drive away.

Is it Day 5 yet so we can come home?

I plead a lot of headaches on in law visits like these so I can retire to the bedroom while DH deals with his family and the kids. My ILs probably think I suffer from migranes, or am a hypochondriac ...

Yep, this. My inlaws think I poop and shower A LOT and also go to bed at 9.

This was the year that I explained to my clueless husband that I'm not going to bed at 8:30, I'm just watching tv in the room and avoiding the grilling by MIL

Happy to report we all survived the wilderness trek. Barely. Some of the wildfires causing AQ warnings were near the park, but No, MIL refused to cancel the excursion. I set my foot down and told them I was keeping 1 yo in the nearest lodge while they did the hiking and such. MIL was so offended but I decided I just didn't care at that point as I did *actually* come down with some sort of summer cold and had a terrible sore throat.

ILs and relatives also must think I have a very demanding job (I am a consultant, set my own hours and workload, but I don't volunteer that...) as I've had a LOT of work to do this trip...hah. Although sitting in our little windowless bedroom hiding is getting pretty depressing after a couple hours...

Never been so happy to be packing up to end a trip as I am right now!

[Anonymous]

Hey, would anyone like to hear how awful my brother's ex-girlfriend is? They broke up two years ago, but ask my mom: there is still plenty to criticize.

We can also talk about how their neighbors' house is too cluttered (not hoarder-y, just a lifetime full of stuff).

Lots of their other acquaintances (or their acquaintances' children, coworkers, or pets) are doing things wrong, too.

I am like some sort of scale model for optimism next to these people, and I am basically Eeyore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey, would anyone like to hear how awful my brother's ex-girlfriend is? They broke up two years ago, but ask my mom: there is still plenty to criticize.

We can also talk about how their neighbors' house is too cluttered (not hoarder-y, just a lifetime full of stuff).

Lots of their other acquaintances (or their acquaintances' children, coworkers, or pets) are doing things wrong, too.

I am like some sort of scale model for optimism next to these people, and I am basically Eeyore.

Well, we are pushing our child too hard. (He attends pre-school. Maybe "sprinkler fun day" is pressuring him to over-achieve.)

Also, I am a snob because I don't eat meat and chose to bring a book to read on vacation.

Oh, and when they say you need to be out of the beach house by 10:00 am on Saturday, that only applies to other people.



Happy to be at work this week (although I am a bad mother and am neglecting my child by working).

[Anonymous]

Ours is almost over.

Nothing terribly awful. Nobody personally offended anyone (that I know of), no one was mean to anyone, and no one's feelings were hurt (either legitimately or as an over-reaction).

But thankfully our extended family trip is over and we go home tomorrow. I am not cut out for sharing a bathroom with our teen and tween nephews, doing lord knows what in there for ridiculous amounts of time, water everywhere, crumbs and food everyone, BEING SO LOUD ALL THE TIME. The greasy, fattening food, the hanging out the pool (which I will never understand the appeal of). The stark wakeup of how different we really are in our little habits and annoyances. I'm related to these filthy people making some objectionable comments? Could be worse, but who are these people?!

We still love everyone and will happily hang out again. But tomorrow, we go home to our own, clean, quiet, homes, bathrooms, and have it confirmed why we don't want kids. Love having nieces/nephews, but sharing a vacation home is too much. I want quiet, and no puddles of water everywhere, and not have to wait 45 minutes to brush my teeth because teenage nephew is doing things in the bathroom that I don't want to ever, ever know about.