No one ever invites us over to their house

[Anonymous]

I realize people on DCUM dislike hanging out with people for some reason. We invite folks over all the time and get return invites. I had to seek out social people though. DSs friends parents are pretty much all extroverts.

[Anonymous]

I just feel I need to know people better. Sometimes it is easier to attend someones home invite, but to invite them over is more difficult.

Being different also makes it harder. Here we have such a large mix of ethnicities. I find it easy to get along and get to know them in a casual way very easy, but am uncomfortable with cooking and entertaining for a different religion, language. I find the different views and outlooks to life refreshing, but am not able to get close enough to meet with them at my home.

Right now my life is busy and the casual social contacts I have is enough for me. Sometimes I feel like I just do not know how entertain/host the way that could be acceptable.And worry about whether these half strangers like me or would even come if I was to invite them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We haven't had many people over because we are renovating. Only close friends with their kids. Because we both work it is hard to schedule as well. There was a really cool mom I talked to at a pre-school party, and I would have loved to invite her and her daughter over except my daughter complains about how mean her daughter is a lot! Serious bummer.

Two thoughts on this:
1. the daughter might be really mean and there is no need to invite meanness into your home.
2. BUT.....if your children are younger than 6 years old, it's also possible that the "mean daughter" just doesn't have the social skills yet so her reactions seem meaner than they should be. Or she doesn't know how to join in play so walks over and takes something to try to initiate, but kids (of course) think that's just mean.

IF it's possible it's #2, then by having that child over to your house and having the kids become friends, she might be able to break into the social crowd at preschool by having one friend, which could help both of the kids and you'd get to spend more time with the mother! Seriously, I'm not kidding. See if you can invite the family over, but plan to have something going on where you can overhear/acccidentally supervise so the child doesn't have a chance to be "mean." So rather than having the kids go to the basement playroom, perhaps they play in one room while you and the mother are in the next room. You can hear when things get heated and go help. Or have them do playdough in the kitchen table while you sit in the living room???? Do this a few times and see if your daughter changes her tune. IF you see any meanness, you and the other mother could help the kids get along by teaching them how to play, take turns, use their words, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your house huge and perfect? Sometimes people feel intimidated when they think their own home is too messy, not big enough or otherwise wanting.

+1 that's what I was thinking. Or, even if the home is modest, if it's "perfect"--no mess, etc. It raises the bar for the other couple. Mess up your place a little when you invite the next time.

This is true. I have a SAHM mom whom I love and they are awesome people, but her home is SPOTLESS and her food is AMAZING and her presentation is restaurant-like. When they come over, I feel so much stress from cleaning nonstop, trying to figure out the perfect menu, trying to make sure all the plates that match are clean, etc. I do reciprocate their offers, but I'm also much more likely to ask another friend of mine over who is equally messy as me (we're not slobs, but just... average?). I know I can tell her "hey come on over for some frozen TJ's snacks and some wine, but oh by the way, my kitchen is dirty and my living room has play dough and rice on the floor and I don't have time to clean it up before you come over."

OP here. I guess our house is pretty clean most of the time and then I step it up a notch when we expect company. Even when we don't have company, DH likes to keep a clean home. Our floors and carpets are always immaculate. I like to keep a clean kitchen. We make the kids clean up their art supplies and toys after they are done playing. When the kids wait for their friends to come over, I ask them to put away any stray toys while I prepare snacks and/or a meal depending on the time. I always put out a nice display of food. Maybe my efforts are backfiring on us. Even if we weren't expecting company, our house is clean. DH used to be a neat freak when we were dating. Our house is much bigger so everything can't be perfectly organized but it is always clean.

Yep. OP, my theory is they are intimidated. Get messy. If this makes you or your DH uncomfortable, then go clean it up and then stage a small mess. Remember, etiquette's overarching purpose is to make the OTHER person feel comfortable. LOL sometimes that requires a little out-of-the-box thinking. Give the mess idea a try and then report back to us!

[Anonymous]

They might not think they need to reciprocate for a group play date, they might think of that as more of a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never reciprocated invites because I am embarrassed about some aspects of my house .

+1

If you refuse to reciprocate then you should not accept the invitation to someone else's house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize people on DCUM dislike hanging out with people for some reason. We invite folks over all the time and get return invites. I had to seek out social people though. DSs friends parents are pretty much all extroverts.

+1

Introverts are less socially astute, in countless ways. They tend to be more depressed, compare more, and criticize other people more willingly than non anti social people. Introverts actually make extroverts uncomfortable, because introverts are a lot of work. No one wants to hold another adults hand. Find people who are outgoing, vivacious and tend to be positive, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They might not think they need to reciprocate for a group play date, they might think of that as more of a party.

More likely, they think of it as free babysitting. Don't get caught in that nonsense, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never reciprocated invites because I am embarrassed about some aspects of my house .

+1

If you refuse to reciprocate then you should not accept the invitation to someone else's house.

Please,ignore this poster. I invite people to my house because I (or my children) enjoy their company, not because I'm expecting something in return.

[Anonymous]

You know what, OP? This might not be it, but if nothing else seems to be an issue, you could just be a statistical outlier with bad luck. Really. Don't give up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son was invited over to 2 playdates for all of preschool. It was hard because we felt a lot like you do now. It changed and he has been invited to more now that he is in elementary school. He has made his own friends now and the boys want to hang out more, rather than parents trying to always coordinate. Our daughter has only been invited once or twice ever and we hope this also changes when she enters actual school. Everyone is too busy, us included, and now more and more seem like SAHMs having playdates during the week. We are guilty of being so tired sometimes on weekends from working all week. I wish I knew more of the moms in the area. There must be more like me!

Yeah feel huge divide with SAHM and working parents and leaks down to kids.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, please don't take this personally. It is just so much work to have people over. You have to clean (no cleaning person), shop for food, prepare food, get drinks, etc. I love to entertain, but it is a lot of effort I don't always have time for. I don't want people over at a messy house or feed them frozen pizza. We are not SAH anything. We work and have activities and house projects, just like everyone else. I know a lot of friends that agree with me. We want to see each other so we meet out a lot - parks, coffee, dinner etc. Again, its not about you, its about everyone else.

OP, at least you don't invite the neighbors over, they accept, you go nuts cooking and cleaning and then 5 minutes before they arrive you realize they emailed you 45 minutes ago claiming that the kids are "sick" and they can't make it - never mind that half an hour later you see them outside with other kids from down the street. (This happened to me.) People can be so rude.

[Anonymous]

Introverts are less socially astute, in countless ways. They tend to be more depressed, compare more, and criticize other people more willingly than non anti social people. Introverts actually make extroverts uncomfortable, because introverts are a lot of work. No one wants to hold another adults hand. Find people who are outgoing, vivacious and tend to be positive, OP.

OP, please avoid judgmental assholes like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Introverts are less socially astute, in countless ways. They tend to be more depressed, compare more, and criticize other people more willingly than non anti social people. Introverts actually make extroverts uncomfortable, because introverts are a lot of work. No one wants to hold another adults hand. Find people who are outgoing, vivacious and tend to be positive, OP.

OP, please avoid judgmental assholes like this.

Wow, that really was a bit harsh. My God, there aren't just two types of people in the world. Everyone has their up and down moments. That poster sounds like a real treat!

[Anonymous]

We go to playdates at someone's home if invited, but I prefer to do them in public places. I really don't enjoy entertaining anyone at my home. Don't care to spend my weekends cleaning up anymore than I have to. My closest friends and I usually meet at Chick FilA with the kids or a park/playground if the weather is nice. So perhaps the other parents are like me?