13 year old DD wants triple ear piercing

[Anonymous]

i think multiple earrings are sexy.

[Anonymous]

Ugghh. Because 13 year olds have such a fantastic ability to understand long term consequences? (Like th holes will still be there long after she has outgrown this phase). Less being a buddy, more being a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugghh. Because 13 year olds have such a fantastic ability to understand long term consequences? (Like th holes will still be there long after she has outgrown this phase). Less being a buddy, more being a parent.

I know this is an n of 2 but my 2nd holes (from when I was 12 in the early 90s!) closed up without a node or a spec there at all and my sister had the same experience. She has the tiniest, invisible white freckle from her nose ring and that she had in for like 10 years every single day.

"Long term consequences" of this being even remotely dire seems out of touch with reality to me.

[Anonymous]

Who cares is there as a tiny spot on her EAR if she doesn't like it in the future. It's her ear. Oh yeah, no job for you, as I get up so close to your body to inspect your lobes.

[Anonymous]

My rules:
1st: 10
2nd: 13
3rd: 16
Anything else (or anywhere else): 18 and out of my house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are the parent. What you say, goes. At least for a couple more years.

Have problems with authority?

NP. 4 kids, ages 22, 20, 12, and 3. I would "allow" this no problem, but that is because I have a fundamentally different outlook. I don't believe that I ethically should have any authority or control over my child's body once they have the ability to make and communicate informed decisions, absent a clear immediate safety threat.

As long as it is legal, my kids never had to ask permission to do anything to their bodies unless they needed me to facilitate it or pay for it. In the latter two cases, they weren't asking to do something to their own body so much as they were coordinating schedules and making sure it was in the budget.

Since piercings and tattoos required parental permission, they would have to "ask" me for that. My response would be/was something like "are you making an informed decision now or do you need some time first to consider any risks?" That is my general first response to most requests for permission to do anything unless permission is a function of logistics. That question generally leads to a short discussion that allows me to understand their thinking and help point out other things they should consider. I feel strongly that I need to parent this way because I don't believe it is ethical to control anyone, including kids, but do believe it's my job as a patent to teach my children how to make sound, risk-aware decisions.

Risk-aware informed consent in this case would include having a medical professional's opinion on health risks, a check of their school's (and employer's if applicable) regulations, some knowledge of whether and how the decision could be reversed (more thought should logically go into permanent decisions, while very temporary choices can be more impulsive), understanding the tattoo or piercing process itself, and an unfortunate but necessary brief consideration of potential social repercussions.

As long as they were aware or all of the above and still wanted to proceed, it would be (and was in the case of some piercings DD22, DD20, DD12 and a small tattoo as well for DD20) something for which I would have no problem giving the required permission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are the parent. What you say, goes. At least for a couple more years.

Have problems with authority?

I'm 08:29 again. Wow, my reply was longer than I thought. Sorry. TL;DR version: Yes. My problem is that I don't consider it ethical to exercise non-essential authority over anyone unless all parties conested to the arrangement. Since my children did not get the chance to agree to be my children or to be subject to my authority, then in all cases where it's safe to do so I attempt to ensure that I return as much control over their own lives to them as I legally and practically can.

Basically, I feel that parenthood while subject to U.S. laws is fundamentally immoral and I try to actively compensate for this to mitigate the problems to the best of my ability.

[Anonymous]

I'll preface this by saying that I am trash with many piercings now, but I had third holes for a while when I was about 14. They never healed and closed up within a year and I never got them redone. So if you let her get them, do not go to Walmart to do it.

[Anonymous]

My parents said no at 13. So when I was 16 i got myself to the mall and got it done myself. I went on to add a ton more holes in my ears, tongue, and belly button. Never moved on to tattoos. I am a respectable professional with a master's degree and back down to 2 total holes in my ears.