Need abortion. Don't know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the future use a condom.

Much easier than abortion. Come on people do you really think abortions are a wise health choice? So many risks involved. Just prevent conception in the first place. Condoms, the pill, diaphram, IUD, so many choices but yet you make the one that ultimately kills a baby and puts the mother at risk.

[Anonymous]

Don't do it. Choose life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the future use a condom.

Much easier than abortion. Come on people do you really think abortions are a wise health choice? So many risks involved. Just prevent conception in the first place. Condoms, the pill, diaphram, IUD, so many choices but yet you make the one that ultimately kills a baby and puts the mother at risk.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the future use a condom.

Much easier than abortion. Come on people do you really think abortions are a wise health choice? So many risks involved. Just prevent conception in the first place. Condoms, the pill, diaphram, IUD, so many choices but yet you make the one that ultimately kills a baby and puts the mother at risk.

I can't believe someone is this dense in 2014. So many birth control options fail. Why assume OP or anyone else wasn't using contraception?

And abortion is of very little risk to the woman. Much much less risk health wise than carrying to term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the future use a condom.

Much easier than abortion. Come on people do you really think abortions are a wise health choice? So many risks involved. Just prevent conception in the first place. Condoms, the pill, diaphram, IUD, so many choices but yet you make the one that ultimately kills a baby and puts the mother at risk.

This is basically water under the bridge now so it is useless to post. The deed is already done.

Anyway we are dealing with the here and now.

I am the PP who stated that I was adopted as an infant. My adoption was a closed adoption so I can only speak of this form of adoption, I have no knowledge or experience of open adoption.

I personally feel like I got "jipped" out of my identity in a way. I will never know what either of my biological parents look like, what their names are, if they are dead or alive, if they even think of me, etc.....

It's so freaky to look at myself in the mirror sometimes because I wonder to myself....WHO am I really....??! Where did I get my eyes from? My nose? My lips? If I look at myself too long, I really start to freak out. It's sometimes like I feel as if I just dropped from the sky out of nowhere and have no paper trail, nothing to trace my background or my origin at all and to me, that is something that I just have to accept no matter what. It sucks, but I am completely powerless to do anything about it. I don't have a choice. I have to accept it. Sometimes I am angry as hell that I have to. And sometimes I am just heartbroken too.

Also, I feel like such a loser at the Dr.s office when they ask my family health history for both sides of my family. It's pretty simple, I just say I am adopted and the Dr. draws that same familiar line straight down both the Father and the Mother's side of the form. Done. Therefore by default, I am to assume that everything runs in my genes and that I am susceptible to every disease under the sun. Both physical and mental. Yeah me.

What I really dread is that one day I may need some bone marrow and since I have no blood family, I will have to die since there is no one to be a match for me.

But hey...Do you really think my birth parents thought of all this when they had me? It was so easy for them...They got to hand me off to strangers to raise me, financially provide for me while at the same time go on with their lives entertaining the mainstream idea that most adoption advocates feed people. That they did a courageous act and they gave me up for a better life.

When in reality, they gave me up so that THEY could have a better life.

Truth isn't always so pretty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read somewhere more women in their late 30s/early 40s have abortions than you would expect. You are not the first to decide that a surprise baby at this stage would be a bad idea. It's not like you'll be there with a waiting room full of teenagers. There are others who have been in your shoes and the people at Planned Parenthood will be ready to receive you - whatever you decide

I remember clearly when I had my abortion (19 years old) the 30-something woman who was having an abortion because she had an infant already and didn't feel like she could have another one. She was obviously torn up and guilty about it but told me she just couldn't do it. I understand so much better now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine that you will be happy with this decision in ten years. You spent five years arguing with your husband and essentially ended your marriage over your desire to have a baby. Now, after separating with your husband, you are pregnant. It seems strange to then give up the baby you actually get. Of course there would be challenges, but as your marriage has showed you, there are no guarantees even when you have planned responsibly.

I have no moral position on whether abortion is the right choice for you. My entire position is a reaction to the fact that you wanted a baby badly enough to break up your marriage. Now you have one.

Well, there's a difference between abstractly wanting a baby (within a marriage) and being faced with an unplanned pregnancy without a reliable partner and at a difficult, unstable time in life. And also, there can always be regrets - but that does not mean it's the wrong choice. In my case, I always wanted a baby, and faced two unplanned pregnancies. The first I aborted - with some regrets, but with no real doubt about what I wanted to do (much like OP here). The second I kept and although it took some time to articulate the decision, I WANTED that baby from day 1. Inside you know what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting to hear discouraging feed back re adoption from both adopters and adoptees.

I posted earlier and am an adoptive mom.

The reason adoption is a poor choice in this situation is the chance that it would negatively impact the child is great.

Everyone here suggesting adoption is taking a one sided view - that of the adult. But adoption is about the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the future use a condom.

Much easier than abortion. Come on people do you really think abortions are a wise health choice? So many risks involved. Just prevent conception in the first place. Condoms, the pill, diaphram, IUD, so many choices but yet you make the one that ultimately kills a baby and puts the mother at risk.

This is basically water under the bridge now so it is useless to post. The deed is already done.

Anyway we are dealing with the here and now.

I am the PP who stated that I was adopted as an infant. My adoption was a closed adoption so I can only speak of this form of adoption, I have no knowledge or experience of open adoption.

I personally feel like I got "jipped" out of my identity in a way. I will never know what either of my biological parents look like, what their names are, if they are dead or alive, if they even think of me, etc.....

It's so freaky to look at myself in the mirror sometimes because I wonder to myself....WHO am I really....??! Where did I get my eyes from? My nose? My lips? If I look at myself too long, I really start to freak out. It's sometimes like I feel as if I just dropped from the sky out of nowhere and have no paper trail, nothing to trace my background or my origin at all and to me, that is something that I just have to accept no matter what. It sucks, but I am completely powerless to do anything about it. I don't have a choice. I have to accept it. Sometimes I am angry as hell that I have to. And sometimes I am just heartbroken too.

Also, I feel like such a loser at the Dr.s office when they ask my family health history for both sides of my family. It's pretty simple, I just say I am adopted and the Dr. draws that same familiar line straight down both the Father and the Mother's side of the form. Done. Therefore by default, I am to assume that everything runs in my genes and that I am susceptible to every disease under the sun. Both physical and mental. Yeah me.

What I really dread is that one day I may need some bone marrow and since I have no blood family, I will have to die since there is no one to be a match for me.

But hey...Do you really think my birth parents thought of all this when they had me? It was so easy for them...They got to hand me off to strangers to raise me, financially provide for me while at the same time go on with their lives entertaining the mainstream idea that most adoption advocates feed people. That they did a courageous act and they gave me up for a better life.

When in reality, they gave me up so that THEY could have a better life.

Truth isn't always so pretty.

My husband was also in a closed adoption and we met his birth mother this year. She had sent letters to the adoption agency over the years. I hope you can do something similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure I'll get completely hateful comments by posting this but if one person gives me any helpful advice it will be worth it. Here it goes...
I separated from my husband 6 months ago. For five years we fought about me wanting another child and him wanting just one. At 35 y/o I became so resentful I ended up falling in love with a coworker and having an affair. My husband and I have an eight year old girl we share 50/50 although we have no written agreement. Monday I found out I am 5.5 weeks pregnant with a baby from afore mentioned affair guy.
Did I want another baby more than anything in the world? Yes
Do I think it is ok to bring a baby into such a chaotic existence? No
I have no idea if me and this guy will stay together. My 8 y/o life is totally turned upside down. I work full time and can't afford not to.
As devestating as the reality is I feel terminating the pregancy is the least selfish thing I could do.
Now I am really lost. I hav no ob/gyn. I went to Falls Church Clinic and it was a seedy shithole. I want to have a safe and hopefully marginally less traumatic experience if possible.
Can anyone point me in a positive direction? A safe clinic? A good doctor?
I know what is out there but I'd really like to hear from women who have been there.
Thank you for your openness and honesty.
Oh and don't bother telling me how awful I am. I already know.

Actually OP - the LEAST selfish thing you can do is to carry the baby full term and put him/her up for adoption. I am not condemning you, just want to make sure you think this out before you get an abortion .....from someone who has BTDT. I was careless in getting pregnant and I took the easy way out. its 8 months out of your life at this point. Carry the baby and give it to someone who really wants a baby.

[Anonymous]

Ugh the OP is not a baby incubator for sad childless women. Good luck, OP, I hope you find the right clinic.

[Anonymous]

Hugs to you OP.

[Anonymous]

You will imagine your aborted baby and what you gave up. Please keep it.

[Anonymous]

You are not awful, OP.

Make the best medical decision for yourself.

Don't let the loonies get to you. It is your fundamental right to terminate the pregnancy and there are many planned parenthood clinics that will help.

Good luck, you are in my thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will imagine your aborted baby and what you gave up. Please keep it.

She wouldn't be giving up anything but an unwanted pregnancy at this point.