If you are SAH in McLean what is your HHI?

[Anonymous]

"Could Care Less" poster sounds like an obtuse bitch.

Usually it's the ones who consider themselves at the top of the HHI scale talking about how "it doesn't matter" and they don't care about keeping up with the Joneses. Of course you don't, sweetie.

I never cared much to glorify myself, and will happily wear the same jeans and sneakers for the rest of my life, even if our income goes up. However, as someone whose already modest HHI was cut in half so that DH could follow his career aspirations (I had to quit my job due to the relocation) IT TOTALLY SUCKS. We can't afford any vacations or trips at all. We can't eat out, ever- that would be fine if DH cooked or I wanted to cook all the time. I spent about 50 on kid presents for Christmas. My son wants to do (normal) activities with his friends that we simply can't afford to do at all. We've had to decline invitations.

OPs situation isn't anything like that. There are places in McLean that are actually pretty normal, although expensive. If vacationing in Florida instead of Hawaii is the kind of change she'll have to make, that doesn't sound too bad to me.

[Anonymous]

OP, make sure you have enough money left over after savings, payments, vacation allotments, etc for you to do stuff. I mean joining a decent gym or belonging to a club with childcare, having your kids do after school activities a day or two per week and then also do some summer camp. I am where you want to be and for me, being home all the time has been hard and lonely. I loved the camaraderie of work. But I love being SAH and we have a twice monthly cleaner, yard guy, gutter guy, etc. I am not a maid. That is not part of the deal. I do most of the cooking and shopping and "run" the house. My husband earns the money. I don't ask for money or have an allowance. We discuss large purchases and vacations but the than that, I do what I want or need to do. I am not a "shopper"--you won't find me at Tysons very often. But I am not going to ask permission to buy things here or there. And if I had to be home all the time because we were so strapped that my kids couldn't go to after school activities occasionally or camps or whatever, it would not work for me. Long way of saying take a look at how much money you will have to "play" with after general expenses. McLean, Great Falls, Vienna SAHMs are not typically living on a tight income. And... fwiw, many begin to take on part time work or other hobbies because being a full-time stay home mom is just not that personally fulfilling after a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford to go SAH and still support your current lifestyle, how does it affect you one iota whether your neighbors are making 5x that amount? Explain it to me.

Because, your relative position to those you live near directly affects your happiness. Been studied a lot. We can all pretend it doesn't and that we are above that, but the science doesn't lie.

care to cite the "science"???

Just google. This is a well-studied area.

interesting because I could care less. we are doing fine on our income and could care less what our neighbors earn.

Ok. But the actual research in this area suggests otherwise. Maybe you are a statistical anomaly, but I doubt it. People just don't like to admit this about themselves. But relative income/wealth is more predictive of happiness in a pariticular situation than absolute income/wealth. It is just human nature.

And - it is "couldn't care less." HTH!

I'm another poster who thinks this is obvious. People living in non-industrial societies are almost surely happier than minimum wage urban dwellers, even though technically the poor in the West have a lot more materially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Could Care Less" poster sounds like an obtuse bitch.

Usually it's the ones who consider themselves at the top of the HHI scale talking about how "it doesn't matter" and they don't care about keeping up with the Joneses. Of course you don't, sweetie.

I never cared much to glorify myself, and will happily wear the same jeans and sneakers for the rest of my life, even if our income goes up. However, as someone whose already modest HHI was cut in half so that DH could follow his career aspirations (I had to quit my job due to the relocation) IT TOTALLY SUCKS. We can't afford any vacations or trips at all. We can't eat out, ever- that would be fine if DH cooked or I wanted to cook all the time. I spent about 50 on kid presents for Christmas. My son wants to do (normal) activities with his friends that we simply can't afford to do at all. We've had to decline invitations.

OPs situation isn't anything like that. There are places in McLean that are actually pretty normal, although expensive. If vacationing in Florida instead of Hawaii is the kind of change she'll have to make, that doesn't sound too bad to me.

LOL - this is PP who you are talking about and actually we are at the bottom. We are happy without a bunch of material shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would try to be above the median hhi in the neighborhood. I think it's hilarious people are giving op shit while on elsewhere on dcum are telling people to live within your means.

It is interesting, but not surprising. To all of the PPs who claim they truly don't notice anything about how their neighbors live and they never even give a second thought to how they measure up, I say bull. F'ing. Shit. Everyone -- EVERYONE -- takes notice of that stuff, and it's completely disingenuous to act like it doesn't matter if you have significantly less than everyone around you. (Which does not include people with an HHI of $350K -- even in Mclean.)

On the other hand, there's something about OP's post that is kind of...awkward and ridiculous. That's partially b/c asking about HHI is, as many PPs have pointed out, extremely simplistic and not a great indicator of lifestyle. But more than that, I think most people are able to make these type of assessments informally, privately, sometimes even sub-consciously, by simply observing and interacting with others in their area. OP's getting a lot of vitriol not because she broke the unwritten agreement that we don't talk about this kind of stuff--although she has--but because she clearly lacks the intuition/understanding to find the information she is looking for in more socially acceptable ways.

Okay we notice - but we don't make major life decisions based on it.

[Anonymous]

Some on here don't get it.

You cannot tell what wealth your neighbors have by looking at how they live. When the doctor down the street from us died, his home was foreclosed on yet they did the trips, cars, yard full of toys and a house fit for an Egyptian king. THEY WERE BROKE.

[Anonymous]

If you want to know how people are really doing, check out the posting on saving for college. Most people have not saved very much for an expense that they know is coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some on here don't get it.

You cannot tell what wealth your neighbors have by looking at how they live. When the doctor down the street from us died, his home was foreclosed on yet they did the trips, cars, yard full of toys and a house fit for an Egyptian king. THEY WERE BROKE.

Thats exactly what I posted about neighbors having tons of luxury items but it could all be on credit. You never know someone else's situation so why would you try to compare? Op says she "wants to be comfortable" in their neighborhood but how in the world could you tell that without knowing all the debt and income of your neighbors. Its ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Do most SAH have a nanny and a house cleaner? It would be ideal to put in time to do PTA, be involved w/ kid's activities etc...

What duties does the typical SAH mom in McLean do? I don't think scrubbing toilets and vacuuming, maybe cooking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some on here don't get it.

You cannot tell what wealth your neighbors have by looking at how they live. When the doctor down the street from us died, his home was foreclosed on yet they did the trips, cars, yard full of toys and a house fit for an Egyptian king. THEY WERE BROKE.

Thats exactly what I posted about neighbors having tons of luxury items but it could all be on credit. You never know someone else's situation so why would you try to compare? Op says she "wants to be comfortable" in their neighborhood but how in the world could you tell that without knowing all the debt and income of your neighbors. Its ridiculous.

Wouldn't that be an example of not having the proper HHI to live in the neighborhood?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do most SAH have a nanny and a house cleaner? It would be ideal to put in time to do PTA, be involved w/ kid's activities etc...

What duties does the typical SAH mom in McLean do? I don't think scrubbing toilets and vacuuming, maybe cooking?

I would say most that I know have a house cleaner although not all. Less than half have a part time nanny or an au pair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

you know, when families go skiing to colorado over winter break or belize/costa rica for spring break or send kids to europe for summer before college, or by the cars and jewelry and clothes and eating out in Gilberts all the time.

Outside looking in. My neighbors have no idea how much money we have. While they display the gaudiness of new money, I think they'd be shocked to know we paid off our home in 5 years.

Sounds terrible, living like that, yolo

Have fun working when you're 70 -- if anyone will have you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Could Care Less" poster sounds like an obtuse bitch.

Usually it's the ones who consider themselves at the top of the HHI scale talking about how "it doesn't matter" and they don't care about keeping up with the Joneses. Of course you don't, sweetie.

I never cared much to glorify myself, and will happily wear the same jeans and sneakers for the rest of my life, even if our income goes up. However, as someone whose already modest HHI was cut in half so that DH could follow his career aspirations (I had to quit my job due to the relocation) IT TOTALLY SUCKS. We can't afford any vacations or trips at all. We can't eat out, ever- that would be fine if DH cooked or I wanted to cook all the time. I spent about 50 on kid presents for Christmas. My son wants to do (normal) activities with his friends that we simply can't afford to do at all. We've had to decline invitations.

OPs situation isn't anything like that. There are places in McLean that are actually pretty normal, although expensive. If vacationing in Florida instead of Hawaii is the kind of change she'll have to make, that doesn't sound too bad to me.

LOL - this is PP who you are talking about and actually we are at the bottom. We are happy without a bunch of material shit.

Well, good. I wasn't really talking about material things. Out of curiosity, do you live in a place where there many others are similar SES?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

you know, when families go skiing to colorado over winter break or belize/costa rica for spring break or send kids to europe for summer before college, or by the cars and jewelry and clothes and eating out in Gilberts all the time.

Outside looking in. My neighbors have no idea how much money we have. While they display the gaudiness of new money, I think they'd be shocked to know we paid off our home in 5 years.

I would feel sorry for you.i like to have a balance and enjoy life. Gasp, I like nice things. I won't penny pinch.

[Anonymous]

You mean his income, not HHI.