toddler was bitten at daycare and now he has a big purple bruise on his arm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The daycare workers should be close by and intervening at this age before it gets to the hitting/biting stage. There should be multiples of toys. Daycare ratios are really too high for the amount of close by supervision a herd of toddlers needs.

As a teacher, these things are closely monitored but we also try and let kids negotiate for themselves, maybe sit by and help facilitate the language needed. You can't just intervene assuming hitting is about to happen and solve all their problems for them- how can they deal with conflict if they never learn to resolve it?

No, not at that age. Children at that age need a GREAT DEAL of intervention when things get heated. They don't have any sense of patience, turn-taking (if it's not mine now, then... what? Future orientation is not well developed), negotiation, diplomacy. No, no, no. I very strongly disagree with the idea that at age 1, 2 years old children need to "learn" to resolve conflict on their own. The need adults who can help them learn these skills, and when it's not going well, immediate intervention, coaching, and scaffolding is necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The daycare workers should be close by and intervening at this age before it gets to the hitting/biting stage. There should be multiples of toys. Daycare ratios are really too high for the amount of close by supervision a herd of toddlers needs.

As a teacher, these things are closely monitored but we also try and let kids negotiate for themselves, maybe sit by and help facilitate the language needed. You can't just intervene assuming hitting is about to happen and solve all their problems for them- how can they deal with conflict if they never learn to resolve it?

No, not at that age. Children at that age need a GREAT DEAL of intervention when things get heated. They don't have any sense of patience, turn-taking (if it's not mine now, then... what? Future orientation is not well developed), negotiation, diplomacy. No, no, no. I very strongly disagree with the idea that at age 1, 2 years old children need to "learn" to resolve conflict on their own. The need adults who can help them learn these skills, and when it's not going well, immediate intervention, coaching, and scaffolding is necessary.

you both are saying the same thing - she said sit close by and facilitate language not they need to learn it on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can work with him at home to enforce reinforce not hitting but the time you spend with him doing that is minimal to the time he spends in daycare so it really depends on what they are doing at the daycare to enforce/reinforce. They may not be sending the same messages as you and as he is there for far more hours in a day then he is with you, what happens at daycare is going to be far more influential than what you do at home for an hour or two. Often at daycare it is the other kids who are doing the teaching and that is exactly what happened here. Another 3 yr old taught him a lesson about not hitting.

This is so not helpful.

Agreed, and the tone just seems snide and nasty. About the only useful point raided here is getting on the same page as the daycare. What rules do they have? How do they phrase their expectations? Have they read one of the above-mentioned books? If you can reasonably use the same language and expectations at home as they do at daycare, that might be valuable. If the child is receiving an identical or nearly identical message from all of his caregivers, it will likely be increasingly effective thanks to the repetition and consistency.

You really think at that age that what mom said last night after dinner (at home) is going to matter more than what is being said and done on an ongoing basis day in and day out - in the context and setting of the daycare?

If so you are wrong. Kids at that age need frequent teaching, guiding and reinforcing - in live time and in the context where they can apply and practice the skills. There are likely hundreds of interactions at daycare in a day between kids that are teachable moments - the teaching may be done by a daycare worker if they are there or by other kids if there isn't a worker present. What mom and dad say at home really isn't all that influential at that age. Comments made by parents is not going to trump the 40-50 hours of in-vivo teaching, enforcing, reinforcing, guiding, reacting, responding that happens at daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately that is what kids do at that age. They don't have the verbal skills to talk out a situation so end up hitting or biting. I am sure it is just a phase that will end quickly. All you can do is talk to the teachers and make sure they intervene or redirect when the kids have a conflict.

Maybe if what you say is true, there wouldn't be so many divorces when they grow up. After all, some of us just don't have the skills "to talk out a situation," so we just leave when we have a conflict. Hitting and biting are no longer viewed as "normal", huh? Too bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can work with him at home to enforce reinforce not hitting but the time you spend with him doing that is minimal to the time he spends in daycare so it really depends on what they are doing at the daycare to enforce/reinforce. They may not be sending the same messages as you and as he is there for far more hours in a day then he is with you, what happens at daycare is going to be far more influential than what you do at home for an hour or two. Often at daycare it is the other kids who are doing the teaching and that is exactly what happened here. Another 3 yr old taught him a lesson about not hitting.

This is so not helpful.

Agreed, and the tone just seems snide and nasty. About the only useful point raided here is getting on the same page as the daycare. What rules do they have? How do they phrase their expectations? Have they read one of the above-mentioned books? If you can reasonably use the same language and expectations at home as they do at daycare, that might be valuable. If the child is receiving an identical or nearly identical message from all of his caregivers, it will likely be increasingly effective thanks to the repetition and consistency.

You really think at that age that what mom said last night after dinner (at home) is going to matter more than what is being said and done on an ongoing basis day in and day out - in the context and setting of the daycare?

If so you are wrong. Kids at that age need frequent teaching, guiding and reinforcing - in live time and in the context where they can apply and practice the skills. There are likely hundreds of interactions at daycare in a day between kids that are teachable moments - the teaching may be done by a daycare worker if they are there or by other kids if there isn't a worker present. What mom and dad say at home really isn't all that influential at that age. Comments made by parents is not going to trump the 40-50 hours of in-vivo teaching, enforcing, reinforcing, guiding, reacting, responding that happens at daycare.

This is 100% correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hitting / biting is not normal behavior, although certain people will scream their disagreement. I can only suspect that something was happening at daycare.

You are an idiot, although I assume you are also a troll.

Anyone with a basic knowledge of child development would know that toddlers lack the vocabulary to express needs, wants and emotions. They get frustrated, they often act out in aggression. Totally normal, and nothing to be concerned about.

Here's a novel concept for our hateful poster:
Have you ever considered the possibility that there may be more than one way of effective communication?

If you are so removed from your child, that the only language you comprehend is English, you are at a tremendous disadvantage. And it's easy to understand why your child feels compelled to resort to attack on others, in order to be heard.

All children communicate at birth. Parents and caregivers may or may not be equipped to understand and correctly respond to the child's communication. At least that's my experience.

NP here. I don't think there is one "hateful poster" here. There are multiple posters who are all arguing against you. You are the one who is alone here, trying to convince everybody that you know something about child development.

Your bully behavior has no purpose here. This thread is about toddler behavior and communication.

I'm sorry this reality check made you feel bullied. Maybe you should go back and look at your own posts and see who is the bully here. OP was seeking advice, and you are taking this opportunity to blame her parenting skills for her son's experience of a very common situation. You also seem to have an anti-daycare agenda (and I say this as a SAHM).

Why shouldn't the teachers improve their teaching skills?

[Anonymous]

My son came home with dark bruises on his face 2 months ago. Him and other toddler was fighting over a toy and the other toddler pushed my son out of frustration and my son landed face forward on the toy. I just laughed. I mean him and other toddler is only 17 months and this was clearly accident. I got a call from the daycare a minute after this incident and I was fine with that. I took it as a just a developmental phase. maybe relax a bit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son came home with dark bruises on his face 2 months ago. Him and other toddler was fighting over a toy and the other toddler pushed my son out of frustration and my son landed face forward on the toy. I just laughed. I mean him and other toddler is only 17 months and this was clearly accident. I got a call from the daycare a minute after this incident and I was fine with that. I took it as a just a developmental phase. maybe relax a bit?

Sure, as long as it's not a daily, or even weekly occurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boy was a biter. Not really a hitter, interestingly. He was also precociously verbal, so the explanation that kids bite because they can't use their words wasn't his trouble - he just got overwhelmed and bowled over by his emotions he snapped and bit. Happened between ages 18mo and 20mo, I'd say, and then just stopped. We also really liked the Hands are Not for Hitting/Teeth are Not for Biting/Words are Not for Hurting series. And, OP, to give you hope: after his stint as the sand box hellion, my son became a lovely boy, and he is now a kind, well liked 7 year old who hasn't hit anything for a very long time.

We had a very similar experience with our son, although he's only up to four (but a non-biting, lovely 4!) We knew we had hit a breakthrough when he started to proudly tell us at the end of each day, "I didn't bite any friends today!"

OP, as long as you feel comfortable that the staff are handling it appropriately - talking about better ways to handle frustration, providing appropriate medical attention, reporting accurately to you - I wouldn't stress about it. It sounds like you're doing the right things, and you've gotten some good (amidst all the crazy!) advice here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hitting / biting is not normal behavior, although certain people will scream their disagreement. I can only suspect that something was happening at daycare.

You are an idiot, although I assume you are also a troll.

Anyone with a basic knowledge of child development would know that toddlers lack the vocabulary to express needs, wants and emotions. They get frustrated, they often act out in aggression. Totally normal, and nothing to be concerned about.

Here's a novel concept for our hateful poster:
Have you ever considered the possibility that there may be more than one way of effective communication?

If you are so removed from your child, that the only language you comprehend is English, you are at a tremendous disadvantage. And it's easy to understand why your child feels compelled to resort to attack on others, in order to be heard.

All children communicate at birth. Parents and caregivers may or may not be equipped to understand and correctly respond to the child's communication. At least that's my experience.

NP here. I don't think there is one "hateful poster" here. There are multiple posters who are all arguing against you. You are the one who is alone here, trying to convince everybody that you know something about child development.

Your bully behavior has no purpose here. This thread is about toddler behavior and communication.

I'm sorry this reality check made you feel bullied. Maybe you should go back and look at your own posts and see who is the bully here. OP was seeking advice, and you are taking this opportunity to blame her parenting skills for her son's experience of a very common situation. You also seem to have an anti-daycare agenda (and I say this as a SAHM).

Why shouldn't the teachers improve their teaching skills?

Huh? How is this a response to the PP?

[Anonymous]

My daughter was a biter when she was a toddler, both at home and in daycare. I found a book that was geared to educating providers about biting in daycare situations. One of the key points is that if the care provider (or parent) overreacts to the biting/hitting, the behavior tends to continue. The book was immensely helpful and provided excellent practical advice for responding to and handling biting and other aggressive behavior.

Here's a link: http://www.amazon.com/No-Biting-Practice-Toddler-Programs/dp/1933653566/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1397669838&sr=8-1&keywords=biting+in+daycare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal. They all go through phases...yours will probably move on to biting next then kicking then the screaming phase. Just keep reinforcing good behavior-- it's just something he's trying out for now and if you keep reinforcing good behavior, he will move past it.

+1000