Cluster feeding/human pacifier-don't know how long I can do this

[Anonymous]

That hungry face is just a baby thing. He will cry if he's hungry.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and the constant nursing is because the baby needs the comfort. It's not your job to figure out if its hunger or not (just yet). For now your job is to latch the baby every time they cry. It's 24/7 for now but it will change soon. I promise.

No. You do not need to drive yourself into an exhausted frenzy. Giving your infant a few ounces of expressed milk or formula, or a paci, judiciously in a way that let's the mom get a few hours of sleep is fine. Other people have detailed on this thread the way to do that and continue successfully breast feeding for a long time.

That's why I suggested laying down to nurse.

Signed, mom of a child on a feeding tube who nursed 24/7 for comfort.

For many of us, laying down to nurse doesn't work because (A) the kid can't/won't nurse that way, or (B) we can't get any rest that way. Give the mom a break.

I was not talking to "many of you" anyway. I was talking to the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That hungry face is just a baby thing. He will cry if he's hungry.....

Crying is a LATE sign of hunger. The earlier you catch hunger cues the easier it is to latch and soothe the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That hungry face is just a baby thing. He will cry if he's hungry.....

Crying is a LATE sign of hunger. The earlier you catch hunger cues the easier it is to latch and soothe the baby.

Op here...I try to preemptively feed him every 2-4 hrs, if it takes him a crazy long time to eat I wait longer just for my sanity.

I know this will eventually get better, but if his latch doesnt I prove I don't know what I'll do. Sigh,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He lost a lot of weight early on but has steadily gained. He is more likely to fall asleep at the breast than to pull away "full". He can sleep after a feeding but it seems like it's too soon - he'll feed for 10-15 minutes when I've been told 30 minutes is the norm, hence why I am worried about how much he is eating.

Regarding the paci I am worried not about hardcore nipple confusion but the shallow latch. If he can't latch on me well, it just seems like a pacifier will be counter productive if we use it for a long time. We use it here and there

The LC at the pediatricians office recommended the NUK brand and to buy it in the larger size (I think it was 6 mo) so that the baby would be used to sucking on larger things... worked for us, might be worth a shot.

Also, I used to go to the Breastfeeding Center's newborn class and weigh my baby before and after feeding so I could get a sense of how many calories he was getting. It was reassuring to me since I always thought he was getting so little because he nursed quickly, but it turned out he was fine. I even rented a scale from them for a couple of weeks when I was most worried about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That hungry face is just a baby thing. He will cry if he's hungry.....

Crying is a LATE sign of hunger. The earlier you catch hunger cues the easier it is to latch and soothe the baby.

Op here...I try to preemptively feed him every 2-4 hrs, if it takes him a crazy long time to eat I wait longer just for my sanity.

I know this will eventually get better, but if his latch doesnt I prove I don't know what I'll do. Sigh,

My baby needed to eat much more like every 2-2.5 hours in the first few weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A bottle is better than resenting your baby. Furthermore, it doesn't mean giving up Breastfeeding. Many babies take both bottle and breast without problem. Have your husband give the baby a bottle and go sleep six hours straight. If baby is gaining well, you can also stop feeding and give baby a pacifier or your finger to suck on. Take a break--it's necessary to be a good mom.

+1 We did both bottle and breastfeeding and it was fine, zero issues, no nipple confusion, and both DH and I were therefore able to get a few hours of sleep in a row -- nurse in the maternity ward told me nipple confusion was a myth, and at first I didn't believe her and was unwilling to try it.

Also don't know if you have tried this but the My Brest Friend nursing pillow really helped with back issues relating to nursing. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Ive had an lc come to the house, had a consult at e bf center and have another one. They have helped and the lc had me lying back, but baby now won't nurse in that position.

I had a long labor and an emergency c section so I know that makes it more difficult, but he literally just sucks/cries all night now. And I know he is eating a good bit because sometimes he will break the latch and milk will dribble out. We also top off many feelings with a syringe per the lc until he gains weight.

LUCKILY supply isn't an issue - I can get 50mil from a 15-20min pump. And when I said bottle feeding I meant pumped milk. I will not use formula unless medically necessary - I can pump plenty.

Those who went through this, how long did it last? My husband goes back to work tomorrow and I have no idea how ill survive. Never mind me going back sooner than I want. Sigh.

OP, I want you to do some things. First, take a HUGE breath, and I don't mean that in a snarky DCUM way but in a real, like actually take that huge breath way. Because this is normal-normal-normal. And how you are feeling, including that simmering resentment, is normal-normal-normal. You may have baby blues, or even a touch of PPD, which by the way, is truly exacerbated by the sleep deprivation, so pay attention to that. I think I might know you and if you email me I'll tell you this story in person but my first was the same exact way; although we did not have any problems with latch or feed, he just CRUSHED me with the all night feeding sessions. And, like you, part of me resented him (the baby) and yet, I wouldn't pump and allow my husband to feed. Why? Hell if I know - I somehow just thought it was this biological imperative that I do it, that not doing it would mess up our bonding, that somehow that one bottle would completely screw up his latch (this may be more of a real concern for you because you've had some latch issues in the past, but....honestly, probably not if you use a SUPER low flow nipple, etc, and your DH can also just cup feed him).

The next thing I want you to do is to give yourself permission to be pissed off for a moment or two at this demanding little creature. Yes, it sucks sometimes! He's a delight and yet, it's hard as hell, and sometimes, when you're slogging through, you get these glimmers of love and that is what you will remember two years out. And your son, he will remember your closeness and your scent and the comfort you gave him.

The next thing to do is to ask your DH, even though he returns to work, to work out a plan with you for sleep. You take shifts. Do NOT try to double team everything, and don't try to power through on your own. Who is the better sleeper? Usually I think it works well for a DH to go to sleep early, say 8-2. My baby cluster fed from that time anyway. It suuuucked. You doze during this time, sleeping as much as you can, but do not plan for this to be your "chunk of sleep." Maybe you both get to sleep from 2-4 (eventually baby will give you at least this one solid stretch). And then, at 4AM, you nurse one time, then hand off to your husband and you sleep. If that baby wakes up at 5, he does not need to be nursed again, but if your DH wants to give him a bit of breastmilk from a bottle or cup, it's okay. Consider letting him.

It will get better, and it will get bad again. It's not necessarily six weeks of straight hell. But, it's hard. I remember my DH looking at me when my son was about 5 weeks old and saying "do you even like being a mom?" It was a real low point for me. I was so hurt, you know why? Because the answer was I do not know. I loved my son but I did not love that hard time. Now, my son is the light of my life, he is the best thing (besides DH) who ever happened to me. And I'm doing this again!

Another thing to do: call someone. If nobody has offered to help you, call someone who lives nearby and simply say "can you come and spell me for a half an hour so I can shower?" And LET THEM. Bonus if they've nursed before and can help you or at least commiserate.

The last thing to do: FORGIVE YOURSELF. It's okay to fucking hate this for a little while. It's okay to think you're going to go nuts. It's even okay to go a little bit berserk. YOU CAN DO THIS, you really can. Reality is just setting in, and unless you ace out with one of those mystical "easy" babies I hear about from time to time, it's always a HUGE slap in teh face, where you're like "nobody can survive this - no way this happens to everyone else." Actually, I guess it doesn't - some babies are in fact easy. Yours is not, so you need to figure out a way to survive it and if that means your DH gives a bottle, DO IT HONEY.

Good luck!

Every last word of this!

Also, try a pacifier, maybe a 6m+ size like a PP suggested. The Soothies brand are what they use in the NICU, even as they're encouraging new moms to breastfeed. Those also seem to be shaped the most like real nipples.

I also wholeheartedly recommend the new moms group at the Breastfeeding Center. If you are at all up for it, go just to get out of the house. No one cares if he nurses the whole time or if you haven't showered. They're all in the same boat--maybe some of them are having a good day and got to shower and some real sleep, but I found it so incredibly helpful to talk with people in person who were going through all the same things at the same time. Go out for lunch afterward. If you really like some of the moms, suggest getting together at your house one day.

It gets better, I promise. I swear, people need to start making "It Gets Better" videos for new mothers--I could not believe what a shock it all was to me. I had no idea how hard the first weeks and months could be.

Finally--don't be afraid to call your OB and talk about PPD if you have even the slightest inkling you may be having a harder time than "normal" (and I put normal in quotes because there's such a wide range of normal and it is NOT easy for everyone). It's ok to ask for help if you need it.

[Anonymous]

Around 2.5 weeks I just lost it, gave formula and decided to EP and supplement with formula as needed. Looking back, if I had just given a bottle a night I think I would have nursed longer. (For me, however, nursing was extremely painful, and not just to my back). As soon as I stopped nursing I felt much happier and started to enjoy my baby a bit. When I quick pumping a few months later I felt even better. The idiot LC told me that if I stopped nursing my depression would get worse, which made me feel depressed AND trapped. She also suggested that I take antidepressants, rather than try supplementing so I could get uninterrupted sleep. Once I started getting more than 2-3 hours of sleep in a row, my mood improved significantly and no antidepressants were needed. I still get angry thinking about her terrible, unfounded advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here
Last night was a little better - we played white noise and bottle fed later at night - I don't need to use formula because I am pumping plenty. I think it's a shallow latch/staying latched problem and it might nt work itself out until he is bigger and stronger. We do have a paci but I'd like to minimize its use - I use it here and there

As for positios, he just doesn't latch well when I lean back - I am trying it more, and maybe I am not confident but he loses the nipple when I lean back. I have done side lying but on the floor -my bed freaks me out (softness)

I'm glad I'm not alone -I feed him whenever he shows any interest but be rarely stays latched for long so I worry he is hungry because of that

My baby was a cluster feeder at night too. Even during the day she wanted to eat constantly. I knew it wasn't my supply--she was quickly gaining weight and when I'd squeeze my boob milk would squirt out. I didn't plan to cosleep, but once I mastered side-lying nursing it kind of just happened. It was the only way I could get any sleep. DH was not fully on board with cosleep though, so we only did it until 3 months. I used the paci in the beginning and that did help to buy some time between nursing sessions. She started refusing the paci at around 6 weeks (as soon as she discovered her fingers) so that resolved itself. Wearing her also helped to extend the time between feeds.--Otherwise she would do the snack-nap, snack-nap in 20-30 minute intervals throughout the day. When DD was maybe three weeks old, I broke down one morning and tearfully told DH, "There's a bottle in the fridge, I'm going back to sleep." Those two extra hours were exactly what I needed to feel human again.

[Anonymous]

20:59 again.--It really does get better. We sleep trained at four months since DD was still waking 5+ times a night. A week in, she's waking once per night and I'm still nursing her at that waking. I'm no longer terrified of going back to work next week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is the worst part and it lasts for such a short time. I urge you to persevere! Keep trying to nurse in other positions. Your baby is just trying to help you establish your supply. It's also okay to make DH hold the baby if you need a break. I would urge you not to formula feed though (breastmilk from a bottle is ok if you can pump), because it will jeopardize your milk supply and make you much less likely to be able to breastfeed. It's rough at first but the reward is great. You're doing great, keep it up and I promise it will be so much better in just a few days!!!

This is actually untrue - there was a study recently that showed that supplementation with formula in the first few weeks actually lead to more breast feeding success. We nursed and then offered formula for a week or two because of weight gain, and it was fine.

This was our experience as well

[Anonymous]

Hi, OP! Hang in there. These problems become a distant past soon. I agree with side lying nursing at night. It took practice and I had to prop her upvwith a rolked up towel that we secured with rubber bands. Usedthat until maybe 5 months, as ahe got used to sleeping agaibst it. I also agree with trying a paci. We disn't and I an still a human pacifier at a year.

Also, those resentment feelings this early may be a sign of PPD. Or maybe just normal baby blues. You are going through a lot. Hugs!

And, this is normal. Things will change. They always change, even when you like them.

[Anonymous]

OP here
Seems we are back to the baby that won't wake up to eat. I'm at my wits end.
I am just pumping. But he won't take a bottle from me, only my husband basically. And when I try to cuddle moth him he starts to root so I offer the breast and then he fights it.

I truly don't know what else to do. This is the most frustrating thing I've ever experienced. It is impacting my ability to bond with my child and I never thought that would happen.

[Anonymous]

OP, now I (and probably all of DCUM) are confused.
You said you're just pumping, but then say you're offering him the breast? Did you give up nursing?
And your husband is back at work from a previous post so what are you doing during the day?
It has been said here before, but if he is fighting the breast, he needs something else to soothe him. You need to use a pacifier.
I am trying to be gentle here dear, but what you are doing with all the switching back and forth is probably worse than any "nipple confusion" that you are afraid of. Please call your ped or LC ASAP, spend the money for a LC to come to the house and tell her everything!!
We're rooting for you.