Women: would you date a man who makes less money than you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many of you feel like your man should subsidize your lifestyle?

+1

Lots of gold diggers here.

My DH is a teacher. He is a great father, excellent cook, and a co-partner in all ways (around the house etc.).

[Anonymous]

Life is not consistent. Someone might be rich today and unemployed tomorrow.

I met my DH in college, I had no idea how much he would make. Now we are pretty much on par with each other. I'm around 160K and he's at 175K. Together we do quite well for a family. However, if one of us loses our job, we can still afford our bills. That is what is most important to me.

[Anonymous]

I'm the one who answered that I would not date a waiter but only men with professional/good jobs such as teacher, etc. They don't have to be doctors, but they do have to have gone to college and have a solid career with benefits etc.

I am going to stereotype here, but in my experience, men who work at restaurants or in construction or other types of jobs like that where they are not a supervisor and they move around employers a lot usually have some sort of drug or alcohol problem. Daily pot smokers or partiers. If a man is in his 30's and still living like he is age 20 and going from job to job without any benefits, there is something wrong with him. Usually, it is the party lifestyle. And that is a huge turn-off to me. I want to date adults. Adults usually have careers or professions not just low wage jobs.

[Anonymous]

i married one, he doesnt even have a college degree, although he is in a field where work experience can be (almost) the same as degreees, especially when you add in certifications. i figure i wont always be the highest earner, you never know how things can end up. not that it matters anyways, its only money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life is not consistent. Someone might be rich today and unemployed tomorrow.

When DH and I met and during the first years of our marriage, DH made more money than me. DH and I put me through law school at night and now I make almost 3X what DH makes. If this was the situation when we first met, I'm not sure that it would have worked. Even now, I wish that our paychecks weren't so skewed towards reliance on mine. It's a lot of pressure to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many of you feel like your man should subsidize your lifestyle?

+1

Lots of gold diggers here.

My DH is a teacher. He is a great father, excellent cook, and a co-partner in all ways (around the house etc.).

My husband is a decent father, but not good with household running or the logistics of having children. The marriage would not be sustainable if he didn't make $200,000 because he doesn't contribute much in other ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life is not consistent. Someone might be rich today and unemployed tomorrow.

I met my DH in college, I had no idea how much he would make. Now we are pretty much on par with each other. I'm around 160K and he's at 175K. Together we do quite well for a family. However, if one of us loses our job, we can still afford our bills. That is what is most important to me.

Earning potential hopefully can only go up.

[Anonymous]

My Dh was a highly paid computer guy. I was a highly paid association professional.

He got laid off and never went back to his career. He decided to be a construction worker making next to nothing. Since I could pay the mortgage and the health insurance, he could get by without much income.

It was a severe strain on our marriage and we are now divorced.

Don't worry about how much he makes - focus on whether he is a responsible, hardworking person. Driven.

[Anonymous]

I married one. He does okay, but probably half what I make as an atty. He's a great husband, he is proud of me (as opposed from being emasculated by me) and we have enough money between us to live a comfortable lifestyle. It works.

[Anonymous]

It would depend on his job and why he makes less. I have dated guys who made less and been totally fine with it, but he still has to be smart and at least a little driven. And generally the smart guys who are at least a little driven make close to what I make, or more. (I make $100K, which isn't unusual around here for someone my age.)

I'm financially stable - make a decent living, own my own home, save $, so I look for someone who's similarly responsible, but if there's a small difference in our incomes I don't really care.

[Anonymous]

My DH has always made less than me and he's now a SAHD (I make @$120K). I used to think I wanted someone who was ambitious and career minded but dating those guys never worked out for me. I met DH when I was 29, he had a college degree but he was working in a bank during the week and waiting tables a few nights a week. He was the best thing that ever happened to me and from him, I learned what I really needed in a guy. He was emotionally available, kind, funny, a good worker (but never management) and the best lover I'd ever had. It wasn't money or status I needed, I needed a great human being. We've been married 15 years and he became a SAHD this summer when his job became toxic. He'll go back to work at some point but right now he's taking care of the house and doing things with the kids we didn't have time to do. It's been great for everyone and I wouldn't trade him for anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Yes. And I married him, but he was a saver and smart about money. For instance, he taught me how to balance my checkbook, which I'd never done. After 10 years of marriage and several job changes, he now makes 3 times what I make. I think the amount someone makes is not as important as whether someone is smart with what they've got.

[Anonymous]

My husband has always made less than me as an architect. I'm a government lawyer. It has never been an issue and I really don't think twice about it and neither does he. I make about 30-40 grand more than he does. I can't believe how many shallow women there are around here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Life is not consistent. Someone might be rich today and unemployed tomorrow.

I met my DH in college, I had no idea how much he would make. Now we are pretty much on par with each other. I'm around 160K and he's at 175K. Together we do quite well for a family. However, if one of us loses our job, we can still afford our bills. That is what is most important to me.

Earning potential hopefully can only go up.

It does not need to go up. The beauty of that is that we have no financial stressors in our life. We bought and sold 5 investment properties on ALL borrowed money between 2001-2006. Our house is fully paid off, no student loans, and we buy our cars in cash. In reality we can live on 50k/yr.

My husband might not bring in a ton of cash, but her sure does know how to leverage what we do have. Many peoplon here are probably hood rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Life is not consistent. Someone might be rich today and unemployed tomorrow.

When DH and I met and during the first years of our marriage, DH made more money than me. DH and I put me through law school at night and now I make almost 3X what DH makes. If this was the situation when we first met, I'm not sure that it would have worked. Even now, I wish that our paychecks weren't so skewed towards reliance on mine. It's a lot of pressure to deal with.

Very similar situation for me. And it is hard. Making it worse is that DH is in a dead end job and really unhappy, but has been unmotivated to find a new job. His perpetual unhappiness (its been five years of this) puts a strain on our marriage. He's also increasingly resentful of the difference in incomes so there's that. I will say that he hasn't proven to be very resilient in his professional life and has really floundered. If I had a crystal ball when we were dating I might not have married him.