Should I quit my job?

[Anonymous]

I don't know. My husband is a good guy, and I have a hard time believing he would not be fair in a divorce, but who knows. I don't know how long it would take me to find something if needed. I have yet to see anyone transition back to a job where I work after leaving.

I would first work on finding some faith in humanity. You said your husband is a good guy. Don't go looking for evil where there isn't any.

Yes, you don't "know" what would happen if there were a divorce. But is this really the way you want to plan for your future?

Yeesh. There are lots of reasons why OP may not want to quit her job that are not related to having or not having "faith in humanity": her husband could get sick and not be able to work, her husband could get downsized or demoted, her husband could die. On top of which, OP herself has expressed doubt about whether or not she would be happy as a full-time SAHM. Totally legitimate concern - SAH suits some people, doesn't suit others.

OP, I'd explore some of the options other people have been suggesting about various job options to keep in the game but have more flexibility or control over your schedule. I also think you should sit down and (this sounds really corny) but make a list of the pros and cons of SAH, and also write out how you really feel about the idea of being at home full-time. Can you take a week off and kinda test it out, staying at home and handling the household/kids? Doing this might at least give you a flavor of how you would handle it if you were doing it full-time.

Also, think long-term, OP: Consider - what will you do when your kids are both in school full-time? It seems far off right now, but believe me, it'll creep up on you before you know it. Do you think you'd be able to transition back to law in several years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd look for another job, perhaps part-time.

Doing what? I already work a reduced schedule. We have a very expensive nanny (and need her because one of my children has special needs). As it is, I don't make that much beyond what we need to pay her (although I do fully fund my 401(k)).

What? The BigLaw reduced schedule people I know make well over 200k, assuming they're more than a couple of years out, which I assume you are since you have three kids. If your job is essentially full-time, of course a part-time job would have less hours (and pay less, but you say the money is irrelevant). I work for non-profit and work about 30-35 hours a week, for example.

I agree with the "what?". I worked a reduced pace big law job (top 10 international firm) and made over 200K with bonus. How much are you paying that nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd look for another job, perhaps part-time.

Doing what? I already work a reduced schedule. We have a very expensive nanny (and need her because one of my children has special needs). As it is, I don't make that much beyond what we need to pay her (although I do fully fund my 401(k)).

What? The BigLaw reduced schedule people I know make well over 200k, assuming they're more than a couple of years out, which I assume you are since you have three kids. If your job is essentially full-time, of course a part-time job would have less hours (and pay less, but you say the money is irrelevant). I work for non-profit and work about 30-35 hours a week, for example.

I agree with the "what?". I worked a reduced pace big law job (top 10 international firm) and made over 200K with bonus. How much are you paying that nanny?

I work 60%. I think I am compensated fairly.

[Anonymous]

With 10 years experience, are you a senior associate, counsel, or partner? If counsel or partner, then are you in a position to ask for a 6-12 month sabbatical to see if you like being a SAHM. Say you want to take some time to publish some articles, get some adjunct teaching experience, etc (ie something that you will enjoy, and will also look good for the firm when you get back but that would only be 10-15 hours a week). Another option is to ask for a 50% schedule. However, keep your full-time nanny (your husband's salary can afford it), and make clear to the firm that you are available as necessary and you understand that some weeks will still be 65 hours and some will be 20 hours but on average it will be 1000 hours a year and that since you will still have 100% childcare you don't need to be restricted to a 9-1 daily schedule which is useless for a firm attorney. If you are valuable to your firm, then they hopefully would consider that, especially if you say that you want to go back to 80% when your kids are older and that things are especially hard now with one of them being special needs. And don't think about this as "will my reduced salary cover the nanny" -- your husband's salary is way too high for that to be an issue. It should instead be how can I keep myself involved in my legal career that is meaningful to me without the constant juggling/stress when I have multiple kids and a husband who works many hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think it's a little weird that you're using "I might get a divorce" as a reason to keep working. "My husband might be unable to work, or be on disability", ok, I would get that. But why is a happily married woman - as you said you are - making decisions on something that is unlikely to happen?

Not the OP, but: because people actually do get divorced. Even people who don't think they will get divorced sometimes get divorced.

I thought about leaving work after my third but didn't. A few short years later, I'm divorced and thankful everyday that I returned to work. Neither I nor anyone who knew us ever saw the divorce coming. So it does happen. But my fear of divorce wasn't why I returned. I just couldn't stand not earning money. Loved being home.

[Anonymous]

I'm just curious about what your husband does for a living.

[Anonymous]

I was in a similar position, but with a husband with a much lower salary. I switched to full time at a non litigating agency, and it was a great decision. Money is less but the lifestyle is much easier. I have a flexible schedule, work from home a lot, pick my child up from school, go to yoga during lunch and still get to do good work.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who was in a very similar situation to you. She went on leave from her job at a firm because of a family crisis and ended up never going back. She kept the full time nanny and eventually found a part-time job in government that she loves.

I have another friend who got laid off from her big job when she was on maternity leave with one of her kids. She is now a full-time mom and loves it.

I don't think either of these friends would have been able to bring themselves to just quit but in both cases they are much happier now.

I think it is very hard to decide to quit a job without knowing exactly what is next but, unless you do, it is hard to gain perspective on what other, better options might be.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a somewhat similar situation except I work in finance. I used to make more in NY before we moved to DC. I now make about $150k and work 30 hours per week. We have an excellent nanny/housekeeper and love the pricey preschool my 2 kids attend. Your gross is higher than mine but our take home pay seems to be about the same. I max out my 401k but insurance comes from DH's job so I opt out. My pay is negligible compared to what DH earns. Every few weeks, I wonder if I should quit my job. A SAHM friend told me today that SAHMs wonder if they should go back to work just the way I wonder if I should quit my job.

[Anonymous]

This is a tough one and in the end it is really up to what suits your personality and family. I would takes a few weeks off alone with kids w/o hubby being off or vaca plans and see if you are happy just staying at home. Try to set up some playdates ahead of time. Look into meet up groups in area and library story time, things you would do if you were home all the time.

I work part time so am home with kids 2 weekdays too. I have weeks were I would like to be home with them all week and weeks I am so happy that I have a job to go to bc they are driving me nuts (age 2 and 4). I love being home with them and sometimes I curse having to work a few days a week but not always.

I don't make anywhere near what you make, but I still worry that if something happened to my hubby (like untimely death) at least I have a job where I could make enough to feed my kids. And that is just part of my personality.

If you think it would make you happy, try it for a few weeks without giving up your job and then you may be able to make a better decision.