Should I quit my job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the real problem here is that no one else can helpfully weigh in on what's the right decision for you re working or not. If money isn't the primary hurdle to deciding whether or not to work then it is about your individual preferences - how much do you enjoy working? How big a part of your identity/self-esteem etc... is what you do for a living? Will you enjoy being at home w/ your kids (and all the related things like playgroups, school networks, volunteer stuff, etc...)? Will you resent your husband's income, travel, intellectual stimulation if you're a SAHM? How will you feel about not making your own money? (That's a big thing - and much less about the dollars than the psychological impact/perception.)

So really, anyone else's opinions or choices are pretty irrelevant and I think that's why you might not be getting more helpful advice. Only you can make this decision based on what you want and what's best for your family.

You're lucky to have the options but it's still a hard decision.

You are probably right. I recognize this is totally a nice problem to have. I just really don't know how I would be as a SAHM? And. Won't figure that out until it is too late.

Could you take a 3-month leave of absence, unpaid? Try it out? Did you already say how old your kids are? Do you have a good neighborhood/school network of friends, or at least acquaintances? I find I am crabbier on the days I don't talk to other adults. (I've been a SAHM for 6 years.)

Young. Oldest is preschool age. I don't have a good network at all.

[Anonymous]

I would quit or try to do something very part-time, like 10 hours/week part-time. But then, my DH and I both make (made) 100k and I quit. I think a lot of it boils down to your personality. I am an all-or-nothing person. I worked long hours before and had trouble getting home at a reasonable hour. I'm pretty sure I'd be both crap at my job and crap at being a mom if I tried to do both. Just the thought of taking pump breaks during work stresses me out.

[Anonymous]

Quit. Make sure your husband keeps paying your own 401k. Plenty of smart moms to concrete with as SAHM. I'd do it on a heartbeat if I were you. Life is short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think it's a little weird that you're using "I might get a divorce" as a reason to keep working. "My husband might be unable to work, or be on disability", ok, I would get that. But why is a happily married woman - as you said you are - making decisions on something that is unlikely to happen?

Not the OP, but: because people actually do get divorced. Even people who don't think they will get divorced sometimes get divorced.

Wouldn't you be pretty well protected in case of divorce? Like alimony and child support? Plus, I have a hard time believing it would take you very long to get back on your feet if you took some time off... unless of course you were thinking 10+ years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quit. Make sure your husband keeps paying your own 401k. Plenty of smart moms to concrete with as SAHM. I'd do it on a heartbeat if I were you. Life is short.

How can I keep a 401(k) if I am not working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think it's a little weird that you're using "I might get a divorce" as a reason to keep working. "My husband might be unable to work, or be on disability", ok, I would get that. But why is a happily married woman - as you said you are - making decisions on something that is unlikely to happen?

Not the OP, but: because people actually do get divorced. Even people who don't think they will get divorced sometimes get divorced.

Wouldn't you be pretty well protected in case of divorce? Like alimony and child support? Plus, I have a hard time believing it would take you very long to get back on your feet if you took some time off... unless of course you were thinking 10+ years.

I don't know. My husband is a good guy, and I have a hard time believing he would not be fair in a divorce, but who knows. I don't know how long it would take me to find something if needed. I have yet to see anyone transition back to a job where I work after leaving.

[Anonymous]

Hell yeah, I would, and start a new lower impact career leveraging your expertise. Maybe consult? If husband makes 5x what u do and you are in biglaw, u should be set for life. Lucky u!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think it's a little weird that you're using "I might get a divorce" as a reason to keep working. "My husband might be unable to work, or be on disability", ok, I would get that. But why is a happily married woman - as you said you are - making decisions on something that is unlikely to happen?

Not the OP, but: because people actually do get divorced. Even people who don't think they will get divorced sometimes get divorced.

Wouldn't you be pretty well protected in case of divorce? Like alimony and child support? Plus, I have a hard time believing it would take you very long to get back on your feet if you took some time off... unless of course you were thinking 10+ years.

I don't know. My husband is a good guy, and I have a hard time believing he would not be fair in a divorce, but who knows. I don't know how long it would take me to find something if needed. I have yet to see anyone transition back to a job where I work after leaving.

I would first work on finding some faith in humanity. You said your husband is a good guy. Don't go looking for evil where there isn't any.

Yes, you don't "know" what would happen if there were a divorce. But is this really the way you want to plan for your future?

[Anonymous]

I think you should keep your job but set more limits. Take on fewer projects. If they fire you because you push back, well then you can sahm.

I am an unemployed attorney. Trust me, you don't want to be in my position once your kids get older or if your husband divorces you. I would kill for your gig.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think it's a little weird that you're using "I might get a divorce" as a reason to keep working. "My husband might be unable to work, or be on disability", ok, I would get that. But why is a happily married woman - as you said you are - making decisions on something that is unlikely to happen?

Not the OP, but: because people actually do get divorced. Even people who don't think they will get divorced sometimes get divorced.

Wouldn't you be pretty well protected in case of divorce? Like alimony and child support? Plus, I have a hard time believing it would take you very long to get back on your feet if you took some time off... unless of course you were thinking 10+ years.

I don't know. My husband is a good guy, and I have a hard time believing he would not be fair in a divorce, but who knows. I don't know how long it would take me to find something if needed. I have yet to see anyone transition back to a job where I work after leaving.

I would first work on finding some faith in humanity. You said your husband is a good guy. Don't go looking for evil where there isn't any.

Yes, you don't "know" what would happen if there were a divorce. But is this really the way you want to plan for your future?

I am lawyer. Thus, very little faith in people. And I don't have a strong desire to SAHM. If I did, I am sure I would hop on out stat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should keep your job but set more limits. Take on fewer projects. If they fire you because you push back, well then you can sahm.

I am an unemployed attorney. Trust me, you don't want to be in my position once your kids get older or if your husband divorces you. I would kill for your gig.[/quote

Maybe that is what I should do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quit. Make sure your husband keeps paying your own 401k. Plenty of smart moms to concrete with as SAHM. I'd do it on a heartbeat if I were you. Life is short.

How can I keep a 401(k) if I am not working?

Not the PP, but I do a spousal IRA. Its not much (I think $5K a year?) but its better than nothing.

Regarding divorce:
1st of all, its not like you wouldn't have a few months to find something if you saw things headed down that path
2nd of all, I believe the judge takes into account what you are able to earn when calculating child support/spousal support
Lastly, your kids are only getting older, so going back to work in a few years would be much easier

I would do it. Find a part-time preschool for your child that requires you to walk in to do pick up/drop off (you don't meet anyone in carline.) Join a MOMS club or other playgroup. Even though its awkward, get braver about asking nice moms you meet randomly if they'd like to have a playdate. You can always just say, want to meet back here same time next week? Building a network takes time and work, but its a requirement to be a reasonably sane SAHM. I have a pretty good network and I'm still only partly sane. LOL.

[Anonymous]

If you want to transition to a gov't job, it will be easier to do from where you are than if you are unemployed.

[Anonymous]

My husband makes about half yours and I make half what you make (also working reduced hours - 60% employee) and I KNOW deep down that I could not be a SAHM full time. I have continued to work even though I don't need to financially because I am a happier person when I have something for me outside of the home. I enjoy my job and my colleagues and I'm rarely stressed out. I have two kids under 5 and I pay a mere fraction what you do for childcare. My nanny's hourly rate wouldn't come close to $65,000, even full time, though neither of my children have special needs.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your advice. I am signing off now because I am actually not working today and nap time is over.