My happiness level from 1 - 10 in my marriage is...

[Anonymous]

5. Sex issues. It feels like we'll never get it to where I am happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:5. Sex issues. It feels like we'll never get it to where I am happy.

Can you be more specific? I can't imagine a day going by without some passion--what a loss! Maybe there is a solution?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm gonna go with a 6. There are financial issues, sex problems, lack of assertiveness on DH's part. On my part, I can be uptight and controlling at times. I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder and am trying to work through it in order to improve our marriage.

I was actually going to give our marriage a lower rating, but after reading some of the posts on here (that sound truly miserable) I reconsidered. DH has flaws but is kind, intelligent, considerate and a romantic at heart. I just wish he was more assertive and self-confident.

It's rare to see this. You are actually able to see your flaws and admit to them, and admit to both your DH's flaws as well as his high points. I'm impressed!

It took our marriage completely imploding and a separation for me to get to that point. We are still working almost a year later and things are better. Basically right now we are focusing on being friends again and taking it from there. I have so much less anger now than a year ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm gonna go with a 6. There are financial issues, sex problems, lack of assertiveness on DH's part. On my part, I can be uptight and controlling at times. I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder and am trying to work through it in order to improve our marriage.

I was actually going to give our marriage a lower rating, but after reading some of the posts on here (that sound truly miserable) I reconsidered. DH has flaws but is kind, intelligent, considerate and a romantic at heart. I just wish he was more assertive and self-confident.

It's rare to see this. You are actually able to see your flaws and admit to them, and admit to both your DH's flaws as well as his high points. I'm impressed!

It took our marriage completely imploding and a separation for me to get to that point. We are still working almost a year later and things are better. Basically right now we are focusing on being friends again and taking it from there. I have so much less anger now than a year ago.

Thanks. I do recognize my contribution to our problems and realize no marriage is perfect. A bit of individual therapy has helped me with that. Still, changing established patterns in an established relationship is really difficult. I hope we both get closer to where we want to be in our marriages.

[Anonymous]

antoinestrong wrote:

Anonymous wrote:9

Married 5 years.

My issues are somewhat surface- he's cannot pick up after himself or the kids. But it kills me!!! Otherwise he's a peach.

7 for me, also married 5 years. my DW doesn't pick up after herself either. but we get along great, really soulmates. sex is good but not imaginative or adventurous... quality of life the same. generally I'm good and happy, but bored alot of the time, don't feel as though she's taking care of me like I seek to take care of her.

Antoine, I'm pretty sure your husband and ultimately you yourself would appreciate it if you post anonymously. You know, the nice thing about this board is that you don't have to identify yourself or build up a profile based on your various posts.

[Anonymous]

I'd rate ours a 4, married 11 years, two children, one an infant. We don't have sex much, but I'm ok with that. DH is stable and committed to our marriage, but he is not driven. I have to do everything, finances, home repairs, vacation, kid activities. I feel like he is my third child. If he could be more of an equal partner I would respect him more.

[Anonymous]

Overall, an 8-9. Today, like a 5. DH is making Christmas plans as hard as fucking possible and it's driving me nuts that he literally refuses to do anything any other way than the hardest way.

[Anonymous]

How about a 1? DW has been depressed for years. Refuses to go to therapy or get ion any medications. Unfocused, irritable, sexless & loveless. Affection and love don't work. If it wasn't for DD and the fact that I am bloody old fashioned when it comes to my views of family life, I would be long gone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about a 1? DW has been depressed for years. Refuses to go to therapy or get ion any medications. Unfocused, irritable, sexless & loveless. Affection and love don't work. If it wasn't for DD and the fact that I am bloody old fashioned when it comes to my views of family life, I would be long gone!

You sound like me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm gonna go with a 6. There are financial issues, sex problems, lack of assertiveness on DH's part. On my part, I can be uptight and controlling at times. I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder and am trying to work through it in order to improve our marriage.

I was actually going to give our marriage a lower rating, but after reading some of the posts on here (that sound truly miserable) I reconsidered. DH has flaws but is kind, intelligent, considerate and a romantic at heart. I just wish he was more assertive and self-confident.

Was he ever assertive and self-confident? If you can be uptight and controlling, and he is unassertive, seems reasonable to guess that you taught him to be unassertive, perhaps reacting negatively when he asserted himself in a way that you didn't care for. Just a guess. Obviously, I know nothing about either of you.

[Anonymous]

8 or 9 for me. Married 20+ years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm gonna go with a 6. There are financial issues, sex problems, lack of assertiveness on DH's part. On my part, I can be uptight and controlling at times. I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder and am trying to work through it in order to improve our marriage.

I was actually going to give our marriage a lower rating, but after reading some of the posts on here (that sound truly miserable) I reconsidered. DH has flaws but is kind, intelligent, considerate and a romantic at heart. I just wish he was more assertive and self-confident.

Was he ever assertive and self-confident? If you can be uptight and controlling, and he is unassertive, seems reasonable to guess that you taught him to be unassertive, perhaps reacting negatively when he asserted himself in a way that you didn't care for. Just a guess. Obviously, I know nothing about either of you.

I am the pp but I will say that reading these comments I wonder if my spouse is disappointed I am not more assertive/self-confident. I do think I have gotten less assertive/self-confident in some ways over time and I think part of that is due to post-child dynamics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm gonna go with a 6. There are financial issues, sex problems, lack of assertiveness on DH's part. On my part, I can be uptight and controlling at times. I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder and am trying to work through it in order to improve our marriage.

I was actually going to give our marriage a lower rating, but after reading some of the posts on here (that sound truly miserable) I reconsidered. DH has flaws but is kind, intelligent, considerate and a romantic at heart. I just wish he was more assertive and self-confident.

Was he ever assertive and self-confident? If you can be uptight and controlling, and he is unassertive, seems reasonable to guess that you taught him to be unassertive, perhaps reacting negatively when he asserted himself in a way that you didn't care for. Just a guess. Obviously, I know nothing about either of you.

I am the pp but I will say that reading these comments I wonder if my spouse is disappointed I am not more assertive/self-confident. I do think I have gotten less assertive/self-confident in some ways over time and I think part of that is due to post-child dynamics.

Why do you feel like you've become less assertive/self-confident post-child? It's an interesting observation and I'm curious about your experience.

[Anonymous]

Overall, 8-9, and I'm very happy in my marriage. I don't think it's ever been 10 (well, for longer than the length of the honeymoon or wedding or some excellent vacations together) because to me, 10 is perfect, and perfection isn't realistic. Life is messy and hard at times, and marriages reflect that. We've learned to deal with it, and things feel solid and strong and good. It's been as low as 4ish for me, and he would probably say the same, about two different time periods. We've been together 15 years, married 11.

[Anonymous]

From 17:11 -

This, guys, this: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/joyful-declarations-of-love-from-newlyweds-in-seat

I nearly wept at my desk, because I don't have anything close to that and have no clue how to get back there, or if I even want to.