Should I let my 16 year old go on this Spring Break trip?

[Anonymous]

One of the PPs here--I think one of the reasons that I have such a strong reaction to this trip is that it is a long trip without much structure, which leaves plenty of opportunities for trouble. I would certainly consider letting my 16 year old go on a planned trip with adult supervision to a foreign country provided that there were structured activities (e.g. planned museum visits, sight seeing, plays etc.). A trip to the beach just sounds too open ended...

One more point that may get me flamed--why does a 16 year old deserve a week at the beach with her friends? This sounds rather indulgent...I get that high school students work hard...but I wonder about the message this sends to kids. I'm assuming of course that you (the parents) are paying for the food, travel etc. I'm not sure that I would want my kids to feel entitled to this kind of trip.

[Anonymous]

OP, what did you decide?

[Anonymous]

If OP is still reading, here's my story:

I was 17, and in the same situation-- invited to a beach house with a bunch of friends, minimal adult supervision, far enough away from my parents that they could not come pick me up if I got in over my head.

My mother said to me "It is your decision. Please think about the following: There will be drinking and sex and possibly drugs. I do not want you to do these things, and I trust you not to do them. If you will be uncomfortable being surrounded by friends who ARE doing these things, you should skip this trip." She then offered to "be the bad guy", and tell the inviting parents that I was not allowed to go. But the decision was mine, and knowing these friends, I could picture perfectly well how it was going to be-- even worse than my mother imagined. So I said I wouldn't go, and she "didn't let" me.

And you can tell your daughter this: The trip was crap, per my friends who went. There was vomiting that someone other than the vomiter had to clean up. There was a hook-up "misunderstanding", and a guy who was too drunk to know what he was doing was left wondering if was really a rapist. There were fights. There were miserable hungover mornings where there was no food in the house and no one feeling well enough to go out and get any. I ended up being really, really glad I didn't go.

Had my fair share of debauchery (some regretted, some not) later on.

[Anonymous]

One of the PPs here--I think one of the reasons that I have such a strong reaction to this trip is that it is a long trip without much structure, which leaves plenty of opportunities for trouble. I would certainly consider letting my 16 year old go on a planned trip with adult supervision to a foreign country provided that there were structured activities (e.g. planned museum visits, sight seeing, plays etc.). A trip to the beach just sounds too open ended...

One more point that may get me flamed--why does a 16 year old deserve a week at the beach with her friends? This sounds rather indulgent...I get that high school students work hard...but I wonder about the message this sends to kids. I'm assuming of course that you (the parents) are paying for the food, travel etc. I'm not sure that I would want my kids to feel entitled to this kind of trip.

But why would a 16 year old deserve a trip to a foreign country either? Why would they be more "entitled" to one type of trip vs. another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the PPs here--I think one of the reasons that I have such a strong reaction to this trip is that it is a long trip without much structure, which leaves plenty of opportunities for trouble. I would certainly consider letting my 16 year old go on a planned trip with adult supervision to a foreign country provided that there were structured activities (e.g. planned museum visits, sight seeing, plays etc.). A trip to the beach just sounds too open ended...

One more point that may get me flamed--why does a 16 year old deserve a week at the beach with her friends? This sounds rather indulgent...I get that high school students work hard...but I wonder about the message this sends to kids. I'm assuming of course that you (the parents) are paying for the food, travel etc. I'm not sure that I would want my kids to feel entitled to this kind of trip.

I don't understand this reasoning at all. Why wouldn't your child "deserve" a vacation? Do you deserve one? Does your 3 yr old? 10 yr old? Why? Why not?

We take our kids to luxury hotels in Europe, Asia, Australia....do they deserve it?

Strange.

[Anonymous]

One more point that may get me flamed--why does a 16 year old deserve a week at the beach with her friends? This sounds rather indulgent...I get that high school students work hard...but I wonder about the message this sends to kids. I'm assuming of course that you (the parents) are paying for the food, travel etc. I'm not sure that I would want my kids to feel entitled to this kind of trip.

When I was 16, I worked 20 hours a week at an investment bank, went to school, took AP classes, and babysat my sister for free when my parents needed to work. I feel like I deserved a trip to the beach, though I certainly could have paid for most of it myself.

[Anonymous]

H*ll no!

[Anonymous]

I think that there isn't enough information to respond, in spite of what some PPs are saying. It depends on too many things that can't be answered by anonymous responders on a forum. We don't know the teens in question, or the parents. Or even the location--there is a world of difference between going to a beach house in Ocean City vs Corolla/OBX.

I think you need to make the decision based on what you know about your child, the parents in question, and the other kids and their parents. Everyone else here is just guessing and projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what did you decide?

Op here.

I won't be making any decisions until closer to the trip and once I talk to the parents more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

One of the PPs here--I think one of the reasons that I have such a strong reaction to this trip is that it is a long trip without much structure, which leaves plenty of opportunities for trouble. I would certainly consider letting my 16 year old go on a planned trip with adult supervision to a foreign country provided that there were structured activities (e.g. planned museum visits, sight seeing, plays etc.). A trip to the beach just sounds too open ended...

One more point that may get me flamed--why does a 16 year old deserve a week at the beach with her friends? This sounds rather indulgent...I get that high school students work hard...but I wonder about the message this sends to kids. I'm assuming of course that you (the parents) are paying for the food, travel etc. I'm not sure that I would want my kids to feel entitled to this kind of trip.

But why would a 16 year old deserve a trip to a foreign country either? Why would they be more "entitled" to one type of trip vs. another.

No one is entitled to a vacation but that doesn't mean we shouldn't go on them. Vacations for a luxury and yes I do believe that if able to take one, babies, kids, and adults the same should take them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that there isn't enough information to respond, in spite of what some PPs are saying. It depends on too many things that can't be answered by anonymous responders on a forum. We don't know the teens in question, or the parents. Or even the location--there is a world of difference between going to a beach house in Ocean City vs Corolla/OBX.

I think you need to make the decision based on what you know about your child, the parents in question, and the other kids and their parents. Everyone else here is just guessing and projecting.

That's very funny that you mention Corolla. That is where they are going.

I've known all of these kids for a long time now. Some of them I've known for 10+ years now. I used to work in their school system so I would even talk to some without my daughter around. Granted it's been years that I've worked in their school. Like I said before, I know the parents who are going. I am not very close but our kids have been in sports and school functions together for years so we will talk, I've been to their house before, and then of course hear things that my kids say about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that there isn't enough information to respond, in spite of what some PPs are saying. It depends on too many things that can't be answered by anonymous responders on a forum. We don't know the teens in question, or the parents. Or even the location--there is a world of difference between going to a beach house in Ocean City vs Corolla/OBX.

I think you need to make the decision based on what you know about your child, the parents in question, and the other kids and their parents. Everyone else here is just guessing and projecting.

That's very funny that you mention Corolla. That is where they are going.

I've known all of these kids for a long time now. Some of them I've known for 10+ years now. I used to work in their school system so I would even talk to some without my daughter around. Granted it's been years that I've worked in their school. Like I said before, I know the parents who are going. I am not very close but our kids have been in sports and school functions together for years so we will talk, I've been to their house before, and then of course hear things that my kids say about them.

I'm a PP who thinks this is a poor idea. Maybe you should offer to host a meeting of all the potential parents, including the host parents. Talk about shared expectations, what the host parents' plans are in terms of supervision, alcohol, curfew, sex, and so on. Are all the parents on the same page, and if not, are you comfortable with the differences.

Can any of the other parents spend a day or two down there? You said there will be four adults that first weekend. Any chance you and your DH or the parents of another teen can also contribute 2 or so days of adult presence there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The other thing to keep in mind is that while their house might be full of HS kids, most of the houses around them will be filled with college kids. Are you okay with that 20yr old guy offering your daughter a beer or two or five while they lay out on the beach?[i]

2 adults can't keep appropriate supervision on ten teens in that environment. And, it's an environment which requires a lot of supervision.

THIS!

[Anonymous]

I'm really not understanding some of the paranoia here. These kids can't get into any trouble that they can't get into at home -- unless these are lax parents, and OP can speak with them to investigate that issue. OP can also ask the parents about the general environment, whether or not there are a lot of college kids around partying. The parents own this beach house and have presumably been there many times and know. I don't see any reason to jump to conclusions.

If you trust your child, and you trust the parents, I don't see any reason not to let her go. My guess is that you wouldn't even be considering this if you didn't trust your daughter.

[Anonymous]

One other point to consider. Your child is 16. That means in the next two years or so, she will be off to college. Why not use this spring break to spend time together as a family before she leaves the nest? She has her entire adult life to be independent and do this kind of thing, but you only have a few more years together. To me, that time is precious. I'd insist that we spend that time together, even if she sulks all the freakin' way to the Grand Canyon!