African-American parents - where are your kids in school and how are they doing?

[Anonymous]

if u fear this is going to be emotionally damaging...if u have anecdotal evidence confirming that will be her experience...u already have doubts...why do it?
signed a Spelmanite who had a predominately white elementary thru high school experience.

Anonymous wrote:OP, this has been an interesting thread. In the end, we are looking at schools in less diverse areas (Whitman, Churchill) and hope that things have changed. If things go badly, we can always move or consider private, both costly options. I hope that I will be more in tune to what my kids will be experiencing that my parents did.
My fear is that the whites who live in these areas might very well be there because they want to avoid certain demographics. So this might be a select crowd. I expect that the prom will be an issue for DD. I hope that I can find someone from outside of the school to help us with that. It will be a long way away, but you have to think in advance.
I knew one woman who went to a nearly all white DC girls Catholic school back in the 70s and 80s. I honestly believe that she might have been the "only one". She did well academically, but in all other ways, she was a mess. Even white people have told me about how she seems totally screwed up WRT race. She will blurt out that she is not that dark, unsolicited. She married an Asian man and talks nonstop about how straight and long her daughters hair is. You get it.
All I can do is pray that my kids will not suffer like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this has been an interesting thread. In the end, we are looking at schools in less diverse areas (Whitman, Churchill) and hope that things have changed. If things go badly, we can always move or consider private, both costly options. I hope that I will be more in tune to what my kids will be experiencing that my parents did.
My fear is that the whites who live in these areas might very well be there because they want to avoid certain demographics. So this might be a select crowd. I expect that the prom will be an issue for DD. I hope that I can find someone from outside of the school to help us with that. It will be a long way away, but you have to think in advance.
I knew one woman who went to a nearly all white DC girls Catholic school back in the 70s and 80s. I honestly believe that she might have been the "only one". She did well academically, but in all other ways, she was a mess. Even white people have told me about how she seems totally screwed up WRT race. She will blurt out that she is not that dark, unsolicited. She married an Asian man and talks nonstop about how straight and long her daughters hair is. You get it.
All I can do is pray that my kids will not suffer like that.

While I believe in praying, I also believe in trusting one's instincts. PP use your common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
if u fear this is going to be emotionally damaging...if u have anecdotal evidence confirming that will be her experience...u already have doubts...why do it?
signed a Spelmanite who had a predominately white elementary thru high school experience.

Anonymous wrote:OP, this has been an interesting thread. In the end, we are looking at schools in less diverse areas (Whitman, Churchill) and hope that things have changed. If things go badly, we can always move or consider private, both costly options. I hope that I will be more in tune to what my kids will be experiencing that my parents did.
My fear is that the whites who live in these areas might very well be there because they want to avoid certain demographics. So this might be a select crowd. I expect that the prom will be an issue for DD. I hope that I can find someone from outside of the school to help us with that. It will be a long way away, but you have to think in advance.
I knew one woman who went to a nearly all white DC girls Catholic school back in the 70s and 80s. I honestly believe that she might have been the "only one". She did well academically, but in all other ways, she was a mess. Even white people have told me about how she seems totally screwed up WRT race. She will blurt out that she is not that dark, unsolicited. She married an Asian man and talks nonstop about how straight and long her daughters hair is. You get it.
All I can do is pray that my kids will not suffer like that.

There are many people who came through similar experiences without as much damage (after the all white school). Plus, times have changed in the last generation.
Also, this will not be ALL white, actually just 65%, the rest mostly Asian (20%) and Afric. Am. (8%) (?)
Anyway, I have seen my sisters sons fail miserably in schools that have a high minority population. They are both barely finishing HS and they are very bright children.

[Anonymous]

"My fear is that the whites who live in these areas might very well be there because they want to avoid certain demographics."

Yes this is partly true, however I think for me it is mainly due to the way parents interact with each other than the influences of other kids. One of my best friends in junior high and high school was AA and there was never an issue between us because of that but we didn't have to deal with each other's parents. My DC however went to a very diverse preschool which we loved but I was treated by the minority parents as someone they didn't feel the need to befriend even though all DC's good friends were not white. It really has nothing to do with skin color to me. I just don't want to be in an area where other parents don't include us as part of their 1st tier community. I can understand why AA parents want this connection as well at a school, but to have better connections it starts off with the all parents really having the desire to form friendships regardless of race. So I'd try to find a school that emphasized this within the community as well as during school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
if u fear this is going to be emotionally damaging...if u have anecdotal evidence confirming that will be her experience...u already have doubts...why do it?
signed a Spelmanite who had a predominately white elementary thru high school experience.

Anonymous wrote:OP, this has been an interesting thread. In the end, we are looking at schools in less diverse areas (Whitman, Churchill) and hope that things have changed. If things go badly, we can always move or consider private, both costly options. I hope that I will be more in tune to what my kids will be experiencing that my parents did.
My fear is that the whites who live in these areas might very well be there because they want to avoid certain demographics. So this might be a select crowd. I expect that the prom will be an issue for DD. I hope that I can find someone from outside of the school to help us with that. It will be a long way away, but you have to think in advance.
I knew one woman who went to a nearly all white DC girls Catholic school back in the 70s and 80s. I honestly believe that she might have been the "only one". She did well academically, but in all other ways, she was a mess. Even white people have told me about how she seems totally screwed up WRT race. She will blurt out that she is not that dark, unsolicited. She married an Asian man and talks nonstop about how straight and long her daughters hair is. You get it.
All I can do is pray that my kids will not suffer like that.

+1000

[Anonymous]

i understand the concern.
Is there no middle ground?
No "good" school that is diverse?
It is sad to think that we think or that it SEEMS to be true that we cannot even go to school with ourselves...that black and brown folks dummy us down.
On the other hand...I think it is quite naive to think much has changed in this generation.
I have a 26 yr old stepdaughter who went to a predominately white high school...my husband moved into this district solely for the school...i cannot tell u the amount of times he had to go up to the school to address issues of a racial nature.
And yes...her prom date was from her church...not school.
That was in a southern state, but makes no difference if u ask me.
We live here now and have a 7 yr. old daughter, and hope we don't have to repeat that performance her sister had.
OUr current elementary school has a black woman principal, well-respected who has done amazing things at that school.
The community is diverse and committed to school.
These are the same folks whose kids will be going into middle and high school.
I hope that involvement and committment carries thru.
But we do have to be careful, Dept. of Ed just came out with a stat that black students face harsher discipline than their white counterparts for the same offenses.

Here is the link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/06/education/black-students-face-more-harsh-discipline-data-shows.html


That is not to say the White man is the devil. The point is that we do NOT live in a post-racial America, and until we ALL get real and have genuine conversations about race...these kinds of parental/educational dilemmas will continue to exist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
if u fear this is going to be emotionally damaging...if u have anecdotal evidence confirming that will be her experience...u already have doubts...why do it?
signed a Spelmanite who had a predominately white elementary thru high school experience.

Anonymous wrote:OP, this has been an interesting thread. In the end, we are looking at schools in less diverse areas (Whitman, Churchill) and hope that things have changed. If things go badly, we can always move or consider private, both costly options. I hope that I will be more in tune to what my kids will be experiencing that my parents did.
My fear is that the whites who live in these areas might very well be there because they want to avoid certain demographics. So this might be a select crowd. I expect that the prom will be an issue for DD. I hope that I can find someone from outside of the school to help us with that. It will be a long way away, but you have to think in advance.
I knew one woman who went to a nearly all white DC girls Catholic school back in the 70s and 80s. I honestly believe that she might have been the "only one". She did well academically, but in all other ways, she was a mess. Even white people have told me about how she seems totally screwed up WRT race. She will blurt out that she is not that dark, unsolicited. She married an Asian man and talks nonstop about how straight and long her daughters hair is. You get it.
All I can do is pray that my kids will not suffer like that.

There are many people who came through similar experiences without as much damage (after the all white school). Plus, times have changed in the last generation.
Also, this will not be ALL white, actually just 65%, the rest mostly Asian (20%) and Afric. Am. (8%) (?)
Anyway, I have seen my sisters sons fail miserably in schools that have a high minority population. They are both barely finishing HS and they are very bright children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"My fear is that the whites who live in these areas might very well be there because they want to avoid certain demographics."

Yes this is partly true, however I think for me it is mainly due to the way parents interact with each other than the influences of other kids. One of my best friends in junior high and high school was AA and there was never an issue between us because of that but we didn't have to deal with each other's parents. My DC however went to a very diverse preschool which we loved but I was treated by the minority parents as someone they didn't feel the need to befriend even though all DC's good friends were not white. It really has nothing to do with skin color to me. I just don't want to be in an area where other parents don't include us as part of their 1st tier community. I can understand why AA parents want this connection as well at a school, but to have better connections it starts off with the all parents really having the desire to form friendships regardless of race. So I'd try to find a school that emphasized this within the community as well as during school.

So you are not trying to avoid AA kids, you are trying to avoid AA moms because some of them weren't nice to you? Yes I think that qualifies as "wanting to avoid certain demographics."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"My fear is that the whites who live in these areas might very well be there because they want to avoid certain demographics."

Yes this is partly true, however I think for me it is mainly due to the way parents interact with each other than the influences of other kids. One of my best friends in junior high and high school was AA and there was never an issue between us because of that but we didn't have to deal with each other's parents. My DC however went to a very diverse preschool which we loved but I was treated by the minority parents as someone they didn't feel the need to befriend even though all DC's good friends were not white. It really has nothing to do with skin color to me. I just don't want to be in an area where other parents don't include us as part of their 1st tier community. I can understand why AA parents want this connection as well at a school, but to have better connections it starts off with the all parents really having the desire to form friendships regardless of race. So I'd try to find a school that emphasized this within the community as well as during school.

So you are not trying to avoid AA kids, you are trying to avoid AA moms because some of them weren't nice to you? Yes I think that qualifies as "wanting to avoid certain demographics."

pp, PAHLEEZE, this thread has been one of the most peaceful so far on DCUM. The poster that you are criticizing had a somewhat jumbled explanation of her feelings, so it is a reach to try to figure out what she is saying. No saber action needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
pp, PAHLEEZE, this thread has been one of the most peaceful so far on DCUM. The poster that you are criticizing had a somewhat jumbled explanation of her feelings, so it is a reach to try to figure out what she is saying. No saber action needed.

OK I see what you mean. Sorry to derail -- everyone can get back to the original discussion now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

i understand the concern.
Is there no middle ground?
No "good" school that is diverse?
It is sad to think that we think or that it SEEMS to be true that we cannot even go to school with ourselves...that black and brown folks dummy us down.
On the other hand...I think it is quite naive to think much has changed in this generation.
I have a 26 yr old stepdaughter who went to a predominately white high school...my husband moved into this district solely for the school...i cannot tell u the amount of times he had to go up to the school to address issues of a racial nature.
And yes...her prom date was from her church...not school.
That was in a southern state, but makes no difference if u ask me.
We live here now and have a 7 yr. old daughter, and hope we don't have to repeat that performance her sister had.
OUr current elementary school has a black woman principal, well-respected who has done amazing things at that school.
The community is diverse and committed to school.
These are the same folks whose kids will be going into middle and high school.
I hope that involvement and committment carries thru.
But we do have to be careful, Dept. of Ed just came out with a stat that black students face harsher discipline than their white counterparts for the same offenses.

Here is the link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/06/education/black-students-face-more-harsh-discipline-data-shows.html


That is not to say the White man is the devil. The point is that we do NOT live in a post-racial America, and until we ALL get real and have genuine conversations about race...these kinds of parental/educational dilemmas will continue to exist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
if u fear this is going to be emotionally damaging...if u have anecdotal evidence confirming that will be her experience...u already have doubts...why do it?
signed a Spelmanite who had a predominately white elementary thru high school experience.

Anonymous wrote:OP, this has been an interesting thread. In the end, we are looking at schools in less diverse areas (Whitman, Churchill) and hope that things have changed. If things go badly, we can always move or consider private, both costly options. I hope that I will be more in tune to what my kids will be experiencing that my parents did.
My fear is that the whites who live in these areas might very well be there because they want to avoid certain demographics. So this might be a select crowd. I expect that the prom will be an issue for DD. I hope that I can find someone from outside of the school to help us with that. It will be a long way away, but you have to think in advance.
I knew one woman who went to a nearly all white DC girls Catholic school back in the 70s and 80s. I honestly believe that she might have been the "only one". She did well academically, but in all other ways, she was a mess. Even white people have told me about how she seems totally screwed up WRT race. She will blurt out that she is not that dark, unsolicited. She married an Asian man and talks nonstop about how straight and long her daughters hair is. You get it.
All I can do is pray that my kids will not suffer like that.

There are many people who came through similar experiences without as much damage (after the all white school). Plus, times have changed in the last generation.
Also, this will not be ALL white, actually just 65%, the rest mostly Asian (20%) and Afric. Am. (8%) (?)
Anyway, I have seen my sisters sons fail miserably in schools that have a high minority population. They are both barely finishing HS and they are very bright children.

I hear you, but all too often, majority "minority" spells disaster whether it be Hispanic or Black or Am. Indian. There is a balance. I find that the more diverse private schools are a good solution. Where you see up to 60% NON white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

i understand the concern.
Is there no middle ground?
No "good" school that is diverse?
It is sad to think that we think or that it SEEMS to be true that we cannot even go to school with ourselves...that black and brown folks dummy us down.
On the other hand...I think it is quite naive to think much has changed in this generation.
I have a 26 yr old stepdaughter who went to a predominately white high school...my husband moved into this district solely for the school...i cannot tell u the amount of times he had to go up to the school to address issues of a racial nature.
And yes...her prom date was from her church...not school.
That was in a southern state, but makes no difference if u ask me.
We live here now and have a 7 yr. old daughter, and hope we don't have to repeat that performance her sister had.
OUr current elementary school has a black woman principal, well-respected who has done amazing things at that school.
The community is diverse and committed to school.
These are the same folks whose kids will be going into middle and high school.
I hope that involvement and committment carries thru.
But we do have to be careful, Dept. of Ed just came out with a stat that black students face harsher discipline than their white counterparts for the same offenses.

Here is the link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/06/education/black-students-face-more-harsh-discipline-data-shows.html


That is not to say the White man is the devil. The point is that we do NOT live in a post-racial America, and until we ALL get real and have genuine conversations about race...these kinds of parental/educational dilemmas will continue to exist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
if u fear this is going to be emotionally damaging...if u have anecdotal evidence confirming that will be her experience...u already have doubts...why do it?
signed a Spelmanite who had a predominately white elementary thru high school experience.

Anonymous wrote:OP, this has been an interesting thread. In the end, we are looking at schools in less diverse areas (Whitman, Churchill) and hope that things have changed. If things go badly, we can always move or consider private, both costly options. I hope that I will be more in tune to what my kids will be experiencing that my parents did.
My fear is that the whites who live in these areas might very well be there because they want to avoid certain demographics. So this might be a select crowd. I expect that the prom will be an issue for DD. I hope that I can find someone from outside of the school to help us with that. It will be a long way away, but you have to think in advance.
I knew one woman who went to a nearly all white DC girls Catholic school back in the 70s and 80s. I honestly believe that she might have been the "only one". She did well academically, but in all other ways, she was a mess. Even white people have told me about how she seems totally screwed up WRT race. She will blurt out that she is not that dark, unsolicited. She married an Asian man and talks nonstop about how straight and long her daughters hair is. You get it.
All I can do is pray that my kids will not suffer like that.

There are many people who came through similar experiences without as much damage (after the all white school). Plus, times have changed in the last generation.
Also, this will not be ALL white, actually just 65%, the rest mostly Asian (20%) and Afric. Am. (8%) (?)
Anyway, I have seen my sisters sons fail miserably in schools that have a high minority population. They are both barely finishing HS and they are very bright children.

I hear you, but all too often, majority "minority" spells disaster whether it be Hispanic or Black or Am. Indian. There is a balance. I find that the more diverse private schools are a good solution. Where you see up to 60% NON white.

Can you name a diverse private HS in this area?

[Anonymous]

Walter Johnson

[Anonymous]

Thanks for this thread OP. Many of you have articulated issues that I have been thinking about a lot with respect to my ds and his education. I'm not sure what my husband and I are going to do.

We want our son to get the best education possible, but we also have to look at the big picture. Sending him to an all white school will almost certainly bring on certain issues and we don't want that. I wish that there was a good, racially balanced or mainly minority private school to which we could send him.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. So nice to see this thread still going. To some of the pp's inquiries about private schools - I think there might be some area private schools that have decent size minority populations and offer a good academic experience and peer group. The Catholic high schools especially come to mind - St. John's, DeMatha, Good Counsel. I just wish there was an equivalent experience in the public schools. Seems like in the public schools, to get a more "elite" academic experience, you eliminate much of the racial diversity our kids need to have a healthy social experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. So nice to see this thread still going. To some of the pp's inquiries about private schools - I think there might be some area private schools that have decent size minority populations and offer a good academic experience and peer group. The Catholic high schools especially come to mind - St. John's, DeMatha, Good Counsel. I just wish there was an equivalent experience in the public schools. Seems like in the public schools, to get a more "elite" academic experience, you eliminate much of the racial diversity our kids need to have a healthy social experience.

.

My AA 8th DD journals everything, and today I came across one her writings today. She's talking about a boy in her class (all W class) that she has liked since the beginning of the year, and they have become good friends. Well he likes her W class sister a lot and has express this to my DD. Since she truly cares for these two, she talks about her struggles of coping with it. This is just one situation that is oh so familiar, and more like this will continue all the way to 12th, if she were to remain there. All along she'll be questioning herself as if she isn't good enough. This year can't end soon enough.........................!!!