I don't like hosting or people in my space. It is SO stressful for me and my family.does.not.get.it. They also pretend to be helpful while not being helpful so I end up feeling (I hate how overused that term is but it fits) gaslit which makes me more anxious. |
| Who doesn’t like carbs? This is beyond odd. |
So say no. period. Your son’s friend can’t stay. I’m sure he can find a hotel or airbnb if he doesn’t want to go back to school. I’m sure he has parents that can send him the money to pay for it. You said he is from out of the country. His parents are paying for him to go to an American college. I’m sure they can also pay for him to stay somewhere for a week. Also, if I knew someone was hosting my child for more than like one night I would be offering to pay for all the meals for the entire time my kid was there (not just my kid’s but for the whole family). I swear some people are just takers and have no shame at all about it. |
Your response is why I suggested therapy. This is entirely a YOU problem. You’re being asked to let a bunch of college boys crash at your house for a few days, and YOU are putting some sort of nebulous “hosting” burden onto yourself. This is anxiety. When your son says to stop stressing out maybe believe HIM. This really doesn’t need to be a big deal. |
This is a bizarrely aggressive conjecture. Thus far this kid hasn’t actually asked OP for a d@mn thing. Her SON asked if this kid could stay at her house. That’s it. That’s all we know. Honestly some of you are just miserable people who will nevertheless act shocked when your adult kids don’t come around or call very often. |
expecting to stay at one of your college friends’ house for more than a night or maybe two when you haven’t even met the parents is…something. And OP said her son gave info about why one of the kids needs to stay, and that specifically was what I was referring to. I’m sorry but this is a big ask. |
You’re being SO unnecessarily hard on yourself. Please just buy breakfast stuff and then give him $$ for takeout. Tell him the is the plan and tell him you look forward to seeing him. Go out to dinner with DH or sit in your room and watch movies on a laptop or … leave for the evening! I think DS is frustrated because he knows you’re beating yourself up with no good reason. I’m really sorry you’re dreading it. If I knew you IRL I’d have you spend the night here and watch something trashy! How about this: —Buy berries, bananas, croissants, eggs, sausage, milk, cereal, yougurt granola, bread for tons of breakfast options —Buy chips, salsa, guac, apples and if you want to go all out pre-made sandwiches at WF —Leave out some bedding and let them put it together —Give DS some $$ if you can afford it for takeout/groceries —Decide what your plan will be —Greet the friends and tell them to make themselves at home —Give DS a hug and then extricate yourself to do your plan and stop the negative self-talk. You’ve got this OP! I’ll be thinking of you! |
Asking =/= expecting The kid doesn’t have anywhere else to go. That reason doesn’t exactly scream entitled taker to normal people. You sound insane. |
He is from out of the country (that’s what was stated). Money = a place to go. If his parents could afford to send him out of the country for college, you can bet he always has a place to go. He’s not homeless. He could have 1. stayed at school. Yeah he would probably be mostly alone but he is an adult, he would be absolutely fine. 2. Stay in a hotel somewhere else if he wanted. 3. stay at an airbnb if he wanted. It’s one thing to stay a night or two. It’s a whole other thing to stay a week. So yeah I guess i’m insane because if this was my kid I probably wouldn’t even let him stay at someone else’s family house for that long-because I wouldn’t feel right about it. And if I did i’d be paying the host, generously so she wouldn’t have to cook for my kid. |
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My DS is on the opposite coast and his local-ish friend’s family has taken him in on holidays, with flight complications, and even on vacation! We’ve sent gifts, had him buy dinner, given money for food, and paid for flights, though I’m sure it doesn’t actually compensate.
He said he’d do the holiday at school, and the mother told him that he would absolutely not. It’s a gift knowing that someone is opening their house to my baby. Thank you to the families who do this! |
I don't really want to discuss the life of a child not my own on here but he has no money and cannot go home now. He was supposed to stay with people the entire week but they have taken off for a spontaneous vacation and now he is stranded near-ish us (about an hour) and very far from college. So his plans fell through and I don't blame him at all for needing a place to stay and obviously he can stay with us if need be but I am still extremely stressed out about it. |
Get prepared meals, cheap frozen stuff that just needs to be baked and other very easy things for the week. You are not a bed and breakfast. Get sandwich stuff (your carb hating son can just eat the meat and cheese but maybe his friends actually will want the bread). Make it easy. If your son or anyone else has a problem they can figure out their own meals. |
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Anthing is fine. They literally will not give an f. Source: Raised 3 college boys.
Girls will be a different story. I raised two of them and have DILs now. |
OP I get it. My college son is bringing 4 friends home for spring break next week and I'm worried about the same thing - feeding them! But please try to lean into being thrilled. It says something that our boys, excuse me, young men, are comfortable and happy enough at home that they want to share it with their friends. |
Don't do this. Twenty bucks says this PP doesn't have kids or at least college age kids. |