Moving past parents wrongs

[Anonymous]

Outright abuse aside, because that's a totally different element, so much is perception.

One could look back and say your mother deprived you of a relationship with your cousins. You didn't see them much and now as adults you realize you could have had so more. But perhaps the reality is your uncles were nasty men and your mother couldn't stand to be with them to bring the cousins together. So who's right? You didn't get what you want and what would have been good for your cousin relationship, so you have grounds to blame her. But she thought she was sheltering you (and herself) so she was correct too. Sometimes fallout is inevitable and hindsight gives a clarity not there in the actual moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom went through a phase of putting me in a headlock, prying open my jaw and pouring orange juice down my throat while I was crying each morning before school. Apparently our Vitamin C vitamins weren't enough and orange juice was the only solution in her mind. I don't know if it was a few weeks or few months, but she did this to both my brother and me, ensuring that neither of us ever voluntarily drank orange juice again. It's only in the last two years I've started liking mandarins and clementines.

For literally over two decades I asked her periodically (like every few years) why she did this. She always denied she did, so gaslighting was fun! Finally I asked my brother if I was making it up and he assured me it did happen. Then one day a few years before she died, we were sitting outside a museum, I asked again expecting no answer and she said, "I don't know. I guess I thought I was doing the right thing." This was all I needed. I never brought it up again with her. She was doing the best she could, was misguided, stubborn, and lost her way. I can understand all those things. So yeah, I moved past that once she acknowledged she did it.

Maybe your parent didnt want to be punished forever or even sued by their adult child for something that obviously they were just trying to give you vitamins and you survived.

You are a moron.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my mom allowed estrangement on my dad's side because he never really got along with his siblings. Neither of my parents showed me any affection growing up, nor did they pay attention to my emotional or mental health. I had the basics—food, shelter, help getting good grades—but if I was ever upset, their advice was to deal with it: life's hard. I forgive them. It's the same way they were parented, and they were consumed by work and their own stress. I try to do better as a parent.

Why do you say your mom allowed estrangement on your dad’s side when your dad is the one who didn’t get along with his siblings and didn’t facilitate visits with his family?? Why is that on your mom instead of your dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many people learn to forgive because its healthier FOR THEM. They set boundaries but its toxic to keep playing the bad parts of your life over and over and hope for a change in the story line. That time is over.

Think of Jesus saying we should forgive as a way of making yourself healthier, not excusing the behavior.

Do you assume everyone believes in Jesus? Don’t you think that’s bit presumptuous?

You believe he didn’t exist?

Does it matter? Some ppl don’t. That’s enough.